Adventures of the sandwich Part Two

Just your average fantasy story about a vampire sandwich and his adventures. Mixed with some humor and love just for good measure with a happy ending.

Adventures of the sandwich

Part Two

By: Patrick Koulalis

&

His very very active imagination.

Dedicated to Tiffany. Without her there would have been no giggles to inspire this story.

And no one to embrace my craziness to even come up with such a story.

Introduction:

When we last saw Ham Sandwich he was kicking butt and taking names of the people who wanted to take a bite out of him. I mean who wouldn’t hes a ham sandwich!! However since we last saw him some things have changed. He is now Lord Ham of the Vampire Sandwiches. A group of exiled sandwiches that are being hunted by the Werewolf Subs. A vicious battle for control over the refrigerator that had been going on for centuries now has finally caught up to them. The subs were older smarter and had greater numbers, but the Sandwiches were faster and stronger. The fridge wasn’t always a place for battle it was a peaceful place.....other than you know people taking bites out of you.

We are pretty tasty if we do say so ourselves, not that we eat ourselves. That would be crazy not that a talking Vampire Sandwich isn’t crazy enough. Anywhoooo, The fridge wasn’t the real reason for the fighting. You see the Subs thought that they could put mustard, pickles, tomatoes on every Sub and Sandwich, but the newly created Lord Ham thought that you should be able to pick what you wanted on you. He was a simple Sandwich he was happy with his bread and his ham and of course some cheese but the Subs wanted to destroy his way of life. So he took a stand. He armed his army with forks, spoons and whisks and armored them with Tin Foil they were ready for battle. More ready than the Subs had thought.

Chapter 1:

KAPOW boom bang why the forks where making these noises no one knew but the battle had begun. The two armies met on the middle shelf of the fridge. Ducking and diving behind the milk and butter and of course the massive amounts of ice coffee. Lord Ham made his way through the Subs striking them down with his tea spoon. Heading towards the Leader of the Subs, Woofenstein as he screamed AHHHHHHHHH (because he couldn’t think of anything better to scream at the time. There was a lot going, you know fighting off Subs that were trying to kill him with a spoon and all. That will mess with someones head.....and sandwiches don’t have heads so that really was a problem.) He jumped up and covered Woofenstein with a bottle of his own precious mustard he loved so dear. It burned allowing Lord Ham to get close enough to him to whisper in his ear......”I would of asked them to hold the mustard but that's just me” And with one big swing he defeated Woofenstein, HOME RUN he screamed. His soldiers cheered behind them as the other werewolf Subs ran from the battle field covered in there own ketchup, and retreated to the freezer where they took refuge with the ice cubes. Hey at least they had ice cream to eat so they didn’t feel so bad that they were losers....am I right. I’m sure they would be back to fight another day.

Chapter 2:

The men and women that had been fighting by his side covered in the enemies ketchup( not that they minded because what else does a Vampire Sandwich eat but the ketchup of its enemy) gathered around him shocked he had been bit. A large piece of him was missing his cheese! That good for nothing leader of those dogs had eaten it during the fight. What is a lord without his cheese, a cheese-less lord that's what. They took their lord back to his home to let him rest and tend to his wounds but there was only so much they could do. With out his cheese he would never fully be whole again. And so he set off on a adventure to find something to make him whole again.

Chapter 3:

The road he traveled was dark. Someone must have shut the door on the fridge. After a long journey to the other side he finally made it to the door and with all his might pushed it open. He quickly made a rope out of some string cheese that was laying around and quickly made his way down and out into the land of the kitchen. Now thankfully no one was home because he wouldn’t of made it this far if someone saw a sandwich moving across the kitchen floor. He made it on to a counter where he found something he did not expect. A ham and cheese sandwich much like himself. Only he was a guy and this was a girl. Her name was scarlet fitting for a newly made Vampire Sandwich. She heard him behind her and turned around and screamed. WHO. WHAT. HOW. WHERE.......she had never seen another one of her kind before. She was scared and confused and even with out his cheese he could sense this. So he asked her “what is your name” Scarlet she replied. I'm Lord Ham is all he could get out before her cheesy smile caught him off guard. His words had escaped him. Was she what he was looking for.

Chapter 4:

They headed out to explore this world that was new to the both of them They had never seen anything so amazing. Where I'm from he said it's always cold. Really all the time she said yea well every now and again the power will go out and it will start to warm up. But its never fun then things start to melt and everyone gets cranky. All of a sudden they came to the edge of this large whole filled with water. Scarlet turned and said uhhhh....was that there a second ago. Lord ham smiled and laughed and hopped on a sponge as it floated by catching her off guard Scarlet hesitated for a second and then jumped on knocking Ham off into the soapy water below. Ham crawled back on to the sponge coughing up bubbles. I'm so sorry Scarlet exclaimed. Lord ham just pointed at one of the bubbles he coughed up and said look it's a monkey. The bubble that was shaped oddly very much like a monkey popped as Scarlet laughed and moved through it to help Ham up. They blew bubbles the whole way to the other side. Scarlet could make anything Ham could think of. Ham could never make anything more than a round plain looking bubble if that sometimes it came out square.....how that monkey bubble came out of his mouth the first time will always be a mystery.

Chapter 5:

As they stepped off the sponge as they reached the other side the sun began to set. So as they..... I want to say waddled, but I don't thing sandwiches waddle. Lets just say they walked. As they walked over to the open window the stared out at the dusk sky and they could just make out the stars in the sky and they could just see the fireflies turning on there butts to light up the sky. Scarlet turned to Lord Ham and asked “why is it you traveled this far there must be a reason” He replied “I lost a part of me. Someone ate my cheese. She giggled her Ham and Cheese giggle and said “don't worry whoever made me gave me plenty of cheese you can have some of mine.” It was then he realized the answer. Yes she was what he was looking for. He just didn’t see it until the sun set and he could see the moon. The moon was her. Get it moon is made out of cheese.......and she shined bright.....come on people keep up!

And then they were attacked by grasshopper ninjas who were riding bumble bees. Just kidding.

So the moral is sharing is caring, especially when it comes to ham sandwiches.

The End...

Author's Note

I am not known for my grammar as you can see.