Daedulus Ponders

A father/son piece and how one fails to listen to the other.

Daedulus Ponders

 

I. Desperation
Daedulus ponders.
His enigma stares
Blatantly back
Into the face of oblivion.
Icarus plays,
Blissfully,
In the corner;
Oblivious of the future.

 

II. Contemplation
Daedulus ponders
The peregrine that fluctuates
On currents that cradle
The framework of bones and feathers.
Icarus gazes,
Apathetically,
Through the window
Of imprisonment.

 

III. Fabrication
Daedulus ponders
The anatomical differences;
Calibrates and constructs
The dream of man and men.
Icarus sleeps,
Unaware of the repercussion
His father's vision
Will impact upon humankind.

 

IV. Realization
Daedulus ponders
The distance of the alien shore,
Calculates speed and time,
And soars!
Icarus sways
Toward the eye of God,
Falters and plummets,
In folly;
Like words of a father
On feeble ears.

 

V. Isolation
Daedulus ponders
A beach beneath his feet,
And Icarus, gone
Beneath the sea.

 

Legion

(circa 1996)

 

Reviews

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Legion,

I think you must be a fellow Moody Blues lover ("One More Time To Live") with the headings "Desperation", "Contemplation"...etc. I liked that in the Moody Blues song, and I really like that here.

This is a classic father/son story with a horrid tragedy when words of wisdom are ignored. And the poem does a wonderful job of portraying the two being continually out of sync with each other. That was a nice touch.

The pondering and concerns of the father always on something other than his son. The son completely uninterested in the concerns of the father. A disaster waiting to happen.

Nicely conceived and written.

Best regards,

Rick

[Julio Angel Ortiz]

Wow. Where to begin? I love (love!) how you re-tell the story of Daedalus and Icarus in a fascinating way; you deconstruct the myth and build it from the ground up by letting us into their worlds through very subtle means. The short, staccato lines serve the piece very well; breaking it down into 5 "acts" gives the poem a play-like narrative, and provides very strong imagery through allowing the reader to visualize Daedalus as *people*, in itself an amazing feat given the structure you chose (short lines). You take a classic tragedy and give it even greater depth; brave to you, sir. Fantastic.

[Anne Martin]

I like the structure of this. I think it might be too short, though. I don't think you've built up Icarus' character enough. He plays, he gazes, he sleeps, and then suddenly he's swaying and plummeting. He is a dreamer, but one that acts upon his dreams, even if they be folly. You skipped his action here, and I think you probably need a couple of more stanzas to slip it in.

A couple of technical things. The first stanza is a little repetitive. You use oblivion twice. I think your usage in terms of Icarus is perhaps not the best available word anyway, so it could be replaced.

Daedulus could do more than ponder without having to change the name of the poem. The repetition makes it a little ... err ... ponderous. A little variety wouldn't hurt. He ponders in a calculating way rather than through deep profundity.

Stanzas four and five seem a little unbalanced to me, straying from the 8 line format. It's just something to think about. Five is abbreviated, but it still shows a bi-partite construction. Think I'd either give Daedulus 4 lines and nothing for Icarus, since he's dead, or a full four lines each. Just something to ponder.

I'm being picky. It starts a little slowly, but is in general quite good.

[Brenda Sue]

Very well written. Wonderfully penned. Great job.

[Melanie Jane Boicourt S..]

Wow! That was a really cool way to retell that story. Brilliant if you ask me.
And even if you don't ask me, I am going to tell you that anyway becuuse you left yourself so open for it.
Love All, Mejasha