Brianna: The Will to Live (True Story)

She has held on
But for how long
She can’t hold on forever
Her brother’s gone
And she doesn’t want to go on
The red lines on her wrist
Can’t be erased
So she picks up the gun
To put away the past she can’t embrace

The gun is ready to load
Two bullets
She fired it and watched
As his blood flowed
The a*s hole who hurt her
Now lays dead
Now with one bullet left
She holds the gun to her head

The trigger is pulled
We mourned a tragic loss
Of a beloved friend
But then received news
That gave us hope again

The bullet stopped in her skull
Never entered her brain
After painful nights in the hospital
She would live to see another day

Now she sees in a whole new light
Like she has opened her eyes
For the very first time
With a whole new will to live
She enters the world again

Though now she wants to live
She finds out cancer could be her end
But she’s holding on
And fighting it till the end
She’s not giving in
Because now she has the will to live

Author's Note

This does tell a story about a good friend of mine. I wrote this for her, but unfortunately she never got the chance to read it. R.I.P. Brianna. <3 You will never be forgotten.

Any feedback help on the writing itself helps. =)

Reviews

[Alyx Aaland]

This is a very bitter sweet poem that encompasses many diverse themes ranging from abuse to revenge and final tragedy. Finding out that it was inspired by real events is both shocking and makes us realize how brutal life can sometimes be.

Although the poem is written in free verse I wonder if it might have been a little stronger written as a short story. The reason for saying this is that the strength of this piece lies in the "plot" rather than the poetic execution. Fitting this journey into six short stanzas means that we're rushed through rather quickly. This doesn't mean I think the style is wrong, I just see it as requiring something a little more so as to allow the reader to really identify with Brianna's life.

Your writing is technically good although I noticed some ambivalence over the tense. Sometimes it appears to be written in the past tense but at other times it seems to be more in the present. It's only a little niggle however.

This poem is a very nice tribute to a friend and a reminder to us all of how very fragile life is.

[Martha Page]

This is a deep emotional write...Very painful and you brought out the emotions well. I'm sorry you're friend never read it xo

[FelicityAllona]

^^

[Mikayla Rasmussen]

that is a very strong poem. thankyou for submitting it. i could feel the fear she probably felt.

[jlbbnn83]

I thought it was touching & dramatic. Shame she never got to make a clean break of it. At least she had the satifaction of seeing the piece of s**t that abused her, be the helpless one hurting one. The women who find the courage to leave their abusive partners deserve praise & support. I wrote a story of abuse involving a small boy and his mother .... I Tried To Be Good. If u'd like to read it and tell me what u think that would b great. James :) p.s i can see what the commentor below means abt it being a story.

[Sarah]

amazing a wonderful poem