I Cannot Fly Like You

I Cannot Fly Like You

A Poem by Lucia
"

...

"

A little black bird

Perched below the sky

Watches flocks of color

As they pass her by

She picks at her own feathers

So they might know color, too

Then humbly wonders why



© 2017 Lucia



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I like the utter simplicity of a short read like this.. You are like me. We can get so wordy and long-winded as writers, this is a nice inspiration to scale back and keep it simple for the reader and pack a more powerful punch, so to speak.

What I particularly like is the intrigue created by the line "perched below the sky." That is a little bit different than being perched on the typical mainstream branch that's "just for the birds"... So to me it conjured up the image of a wallflower of the bird while the busy stream of sky where all the regular birds fly is up above... perhaps dangling just out of reach..

Also, the part where she picks at her own feathers so they might know her color conjured up the image of a baby crow.. kind of an unliked bird, maybe one with a tarnished, bad reputation but misunderstood in her darkness. She has color too!

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

though your wings may not emulate theirs, you too will have your day to soar just as they have... if not already. great piece.

Posted 7 Months Ago


I really liked the very unusual line, "Perched below the sky." It doesn't say where she is, or what she's perched on, but only that she is below the sky, looking up. It conveys, and I don't know exactly how, that she is isolated and very lonely. Her self-consciousness about her black feathers, and her innocent preening to try to make them colorful are heartbreaking; her "humbly" wondering why, which suggests her patient acceptance of her tiny fate, is a masterful use of a simple adverb. You intuitively know how to coax empathy out of your reader.

Posted 9 Months Ago


beautiful Lucia ... every line important and "I Cannot Fly Like You" says so much in just seven precise lines ...really nice use of the metaphor says i ..and personification of the bird is very relateable ..the sadness of wanting to belong ..to be more than we think we are is palpable..i think this is very good!
E.

Posted 10 Months Ago


Simple and deep at the same time. Your right you can't fly like others, but you can fly in an unique way that makes you who you are :) I'd say the beauty of the bird in black is that it stays on track. Nice work!

Posted 10 Months Ago


Simply amazing.im speechless.a powerful statement with only a few words.thank you.thank you.

Posted 10 Months Ago


I like the utter simplicity of a short read like this.. You are like me. We can get so wordy and long-winded as writers, this is a nice inspiration to scale back and keep it simple for the reader and pack a more powerful punch, so to speak.

What I particularly like is the intrigue created by the line "perched below the sky." That is a little bit different than being perched on the typical mainstream branch that's "just for the birds"... So to me it conjured up the image of a wallflower of the bird while the busy stream of sky where all the regular birds fly is up above... perhaps dangling just out of reach..

Also, the part where she picks at her own feathers so they might know her color conjured up the image of a baby crow.. kind of an unliked bird, maybe one with a tarnished, bad reputation but misunderstood in her darkness. She has color too!

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is remarkable, I like this one.
It has flow and meaning and depth.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lucia

11 Months Ago

thank you! at the time I was writing so many poems that were way too wordy, slowing things down a pa.. read more
Awesome, love the flow of this.
I really like your style.

Posted 11 Months Ago



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280 Views
8 Reviews
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Added on December 31, 2017
Last Updated on December 31, 2017
Tags: introvert, depression, obscurity, strange, isolation, lonliness

Author

Lucia
Lucia

Fort Washington, PA



About
I'm trying to turn my insatiable self loathing into something fruitful. more..

Writing
b***h. b***h.

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