Angel "like" lines

Mi Vida Loca: confessions

“Excuse me Sweetheart you dropped your jaw, oh no, wait! That’s mine, because you are gorgeous.”

“Well thank you, and here let me get that for you.”

“Oh, well aren’t you a pretty little comedian”

“Yup I learned from the best”

“How about you come back to my apartment and I’ll teach you a thing or two about my…”

The blaring sound of the 2007 Chevy truck’s horn, censored the end of the near 40 year old stranger’s sentence. I turned to see my best friend motioning me frantically to get back to the truck. I hadn’t even taken a step when I felt a cold hand and an even icier blade on my ribcage. Every fiber of my being wanted to scream, but fear can be all to paralyzing.

“Now Sweetheart (which now sounded harsh and hateful) don’t do anything rash or anything stupid and I’ll try my best not to hurt you.”

Suddenly I realized it had to be between 1 and 2 in the morning and it was freezing outside. The sweat on my skin turned to ice, my mouth to stone. I was half naked, but worse, I was sick, sick with a disease that could possibly symbolize the end of my life as I knew it, I was terminally helpless. Next thing I knew there was a hand on my shoulder shoving me to the ground and the sound of rocks in a blender filled my head, which I soon came to understand was the sound of a human skull being smashed open with a crow bar. This grotesque realization came only after I was lying in a puddle of blood, of which I instantly knew was not my own. As I stared at the remains of a body lying next to me, the sound of my prayers overwhelmed me, until the intoxicating voice calling my name was made tangible, but the strong warm hand picking me up off the ground.

“Don’t you ever ignore me again!” he said in a stern but loving tone. “If I ever lose my little rave girl, I’ll die. You know that’s true, I love you girly. (At that moment I felt the warmth of his arms pour into me and my mind began to function) and don’t you ever ignore me again!” he repeated in that always loving tone.

“Never, I’ll never…I love you so… I’ll never ignore you, Christian you’re my life.” Was all I could manage to stutter before passing out in the back seat of his truck.

I was 12 years old at the time of the “incident” which still doesn’t have a name in my mind. Now, I’m old enough to reflect back on my diary entries, to reflect back on my life. It would be easy to say I’ve grown up since then and say that I’ve changed, but that would be slightly incorrect. I’m exactly the rambunctious trouble making girl I’ve always been. My name has been removed to save the sanity of my confidentiality. For now just call me Rave girl, and welcome to my diary. It has been a long time since I’ve cracked the dusty cover of this old thing, but it feels good to write again and see where I’ve been and say where I’m going. Oh and I cut my hair to make sure I’m staying fresh and moving forward, because I felt trapped in the body of a killer. I wanted to make sure I was shining a new light on myself. Oh, my best friend Christian just came over to read more entries with me, bye!

“Where’d you put it?” Christian asked as we sat on my bed.

“The diary?” I asked.

“Your brain. Of course the diary, quit acting dumb.” He said playfully.

As I reached for the book, he grabbed my arm and said in the most serious tone, “We’ve been through so much I’m glad it hasn’t changed you, as you get older.”

“Wow, I’m not 50, how could I possibly change all that much?” I asked wondering why he was suddenly so serious.

“Yes and I’m only 18 how could I possibly be a perverted old creep?” he responded jokingly.

He knew how I felt about our age difference, being 6 years younger made me somewhat insecure sometimes and he knew I hated when he pointed it out, but he always did it anyway. So we just continued to read the diary. Stories of parties and crazy nights between us were documented and so the memories flooded back to us like they happened yesterday. Sitting for hours we laughed and joked about all the silly things our friends had done. All the bets and all the things the losers had to do. Christian and I were simply a good fit, sure we were best friends, but we were also so much more. Everything was light hearted until we came across the time when he had been teaching me pick-up lines. This struck deep into my heart, because this had been before the “incident.” We spent a day practicing pick-up lines and what I should say to guys who used them on me. Then I blacked out and opened my eyes and I was standing in the middle of a crowded sidewalk. Then a stranger walked up to me and said “did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cause this is earth and you are surely an angel.” Christian squeezed my hand and said “don’t be afraid of a guy who uses a cheesy line like that. Watch out for guys who call you

Sweetheart. ”

Author's Note

If you notice mistakes, please let me know :)

Reviews

[Elemenopy]

Not a bad story, but I am a bit confused. The problem with short stories is people tend to focus more on the short part rather than the story. The story should only be as short as needed to get the entire plot across. I think you did a good job at writing a concise, ambiguous piece. Whether or not that is what you intended to write, I cannot be sure. I guess there are morals to be gathered from stories like this, but I often come away wondering what I had just read. Maybe I just missed the reason. If you really want to bring the reader into your story you need to give us more about the characters. It is too short and quick to gather any real emotions about the two. It is also hard to understand their relationship, other than you pointing out that they are best friends. I don't really feel like they are best friends though, not from the story, if that makes any sense.

The grammar is not bad and it was not a hard read at all. Check your comma usage, some of it is iffy. Read your story aloud and you should be able to pinpoint the ones that are off.

I think you have the beginnings of a story that could be magnificent. You start it off well and I was very intrigued... and then it sort of tapers off to 'yeah I have a diary and we read it, we are really good friends, pick up lines... what?' Like I said, maybe I missed something, but clarification would do wonders. Anyways, just a little polishing. Keep writing.

[Notorious J.L]

This is a really good solid story. Loved it. Didn't see any mistakes.