Full Half in Love with Easeful Death

The title and first line is borrowed from John Keats, though I only realized that afterwards.

Full half in love with easeful death

For life brought pain without respite

My body racked by every breath

While in my mind ‘twas always night.

And though I pondered on it long

Still reason lacked, or so it seemed

Perhaps a turn I took was wrong

A folly I could not redeem.

 

The more I thought, the distance grew

Between myself and those around

And though I would begin anew

I could not find my former ground.

For happiness I must attempt

To banish the intruder Thought

But found my mind would not consent

To any prize so dearly bought.

 

Now as my days draw to an end

The answer still lies without reach

But pains once sharp have ceased to rend

Time dulls all feeling, heals the breach,

Assures us that our foolish dreams

Are destined never to bear fruit;

Thus knowledge comes, hard though it seems

And twined with sorrow, takes its root.

 

Reviews

[emmah]

it's a somber hindsight, this verse. it expresses, in exquisite structure, the endless pain and hardship, trial and tribulation, failed attempts at rejuvenation, and a sense of quiet resignation or reconciliation. there is a unique flow to the write, even as the rhyme is impeccable. the rhyme or structure never interfere with the flow. in fact, they provide a sheen to the verse that illuminates all the feelings and time spans that this verse traverses.
"For life brough pain without respite" and "While in my mind 'twas always night" express beautifully the hardship of the narrator's journey. doubt, and perhaps, even lament at the choices made in the past is brought forth with "Perhaps a turn I took was wrong, A folly I could not redeem".
a sense of separation, isolation from surrounding - "the distance grew...Between myself and those around"; attempts at fresh starts - "And though I would begin anew"; the failure of these attempts - "I could not find my former ground"; all come forth to describe the journey. there is also an internal struggle - "To banish the intruder Thought".
the last four lines bring out a sense of resignation - a calm that has been brought about, not because of calmness, but because of a numbness that pain has caused.
altough, i did want to mention two things - one, there seems to be a typo in the second last line - "But times dulls all our hopes and fears" - "time" in stead of "times". second, each line of the verse has stellar structure with the rhyme and with the 8 syllables per line. the last one appears to run into 9.
having said that, it is a gorgeous verse - it tells a complex tale in a simple manner. it transcends structure and time and touches the reader at a human level. beautiful and soulful.

[Tony]

You know, the Sumerians left some tangible evidence of human genetic experimentation, and in fact some believe we are modified versions of ancient bipeds.
This poem sounds like a deathbed lament from one of these creatures. A sorrow of not Knowing.
Oh, is that us?...
Anyway, great work Mark.

[emmah]

ah...it "fits" just right....love the end, love the verse! :)

[...]

... oh ... i think this is just awesome ... so magical and profound ... and flows and flows and flows ... amazing ... emms (emmah) is gonna get to this tomorrow ... i'll text her about your note anyway ... p.s. ... the line in the etheree you mentioned does have six syllables ... if you check again in that thread ... i explained the distribution ... if it's still incorrect ... i'd appreciate it if you could let me know where i tripped ... :) ...

[Mark Wallace]

OK, so after a second review noting the rhythmically inconsistent last line, I decided to change it. I couldn't remove a syllable from the last line without it sounding, in my opinion, unnatural and truncated, so I eventually rewrote the whole last verse.
Emmah and Serah, if you read this, I'd be interested to know if you think it's an improvement on the original ending. Thanks!

[...]

... "when freed at last" ... or ... "hence free at last" ... or ... "thus free at last" ... or ... "so free at last" ... i agree completely with emmah's review ... but i do feel that ... "and are" ... takes a bit of magic away from this magical verse ... and make the last line wander into prose land ... though only momentarily ... would be nice if you could explore some options ...