Hey, Pops

Hey, Pops

A Story by Mehameha

Son's words to his Dad

You know what, Pops? This is the first time I ever saw you lying down. Most of the time it was asses and elbows, asses and elbows, you remember that, Pops? Matter of fact I think Ma told you, you better slow down.
And Richie, oh, Richieboy, he is just like you. Sharper than a Sunday morning razor. His teacher says he could be a fighter pilot.
So Pops, I just wanted to say I am sorry for all the times I was too busy to call ya' and I know it must have been tough to raise a headstrong bag of cats like me, but you did alright. Guess all that bell ringin' made my ears work, so no worries, Pops. I finally heard ya'.
Hey, I just realized this is the first time you didn't interrupt me. Guess you like what you're hearin'?
Anyway, Ma's been cryin' yeah, really cryin'. You should see her. Don't worry, I got the neighbor Helen checkin' on her. And we got everything done just the way you wanted. Nothin' fancy, tasteful, no unwanted associates if you know what I mean. Ma don't ever need to know. So I hope you are pleased 'cause I don't want no midnight visits from you.
Ok Pops, hope to see you soo... I mean well someday.
They did a good job with ya'. I'm gonna miss ya', Pops. The hearse is brand new. You are the first one.
You know what, Pops, I never said this but, I Lo.. Lo.. You're alright, you were ... Bye, Pops. 

© 2017 Mehameha

Author's Note

I picture a white bronx guy who just doesn't have any clue about how he feels in this situation so his thoughts go everywhere yet in the end what he doesn't say says it more accurately.

My Review

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Nicely done. It's interesting that, on the face of it, your text is 'just' regular stuff. But within it, part of the DNA of the text, is the unsaid 'lo...' . From my experience, trying too hard to do this can look crass and all too obvious. It's the underpinning credibility from the writer's gut that makes it work. Good job.

Posted 11 Months Ago


11 Months Ago

Thanks for reading and commenting. I glad you approve. I enjoy your work as well.
I'm interpreting this to be the son speaking at his deceased father's body!?!?! This is very clever & unusual & yet also familiar in tone. Very well done style of repetition & slang -- it sounds just like a person talking & also gives us a strong character portrait thru his own words. The best part is the irony, which is so bangin' here, as his words contrast with the situation at hand, being too flippant, this is nicely done. I'm sorry I haven't been on this website in a few months, so I've missed reading you. Trying to get caught up around here! (((HUGS)))

Posted 12 Months Ago


12 Months Ago

Thanks for reading and commenting. I watch too many movies and I dreamed this the other night. Been .. read more

12 Months Ago

Ah yes! Listening to music definitely fires up my writing imagination, but for a musician, I never t.. read more

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2 Reviews
Added on April 22, 2017
Last Updated on April 24, 2017
Tags: repressed displacement



Honolulu, HI

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