The Science of Sleep

sleep is dragging me down

it’s pulling me in

sleep darkens the outside,

dries out color --

flattens it.

Reverberates sound.

I do this

and I think

I’m stronger

than my body.

I think my

will is greater.

So far I’ve

been right.

My body is so

weak, I have

to help it.

Reviews

[T.M Stewart]

Very short and sweet. The sentence structure works well for the first two stanzas but in the third one and on, (some bits not all) I think it gives it a very jagged feel when reading. It's not as smooth as one would think it should be. Of course, it is totally up to preference but, if you don't mind me suggesting, changing it to
I think
my will is greater
or
I think my will
is greater

In the last stanza especially I think the structure could use some changing.
My body
is so weak
I have
to help it.
Having the structure something like this gives it a lot more fluidity. Again poems are very subjective and its totally up to individual preference, do not feel obligated to change it. Also, I'm realising now, at the end that this was posted in 2015... Hell I'll post it anyway.