Long live the queen.

I felt the pang of sorrow inside of myself as I knelt down on one knee, placing my hand over my heart, pledging my continued allegiance to the king, continuing to be his pawn in his sick and twisted games.

Later, my thoughts turn to her, her obsidian locks flowing down to her waist, her scarlet eyes a sadistic and lustful gaze, yet turned hateful and cold to the rest of the world, and I miss her; I miss my princess who I now must kill, and as I turn my head to look at her small frame resting against my body in the moonlight, I remind myself of my place: I am a knight, not a prince, and I have no choice, though if I did, I’d take down the king, and put her on her rightful throne, like a glittering jewel rested perfectly in a crown, her heart the sun that will one day light the way for this kingdom into a new dawn, and I swear to her, by the love in my heart: “Down with the king, and long live the new young queen”.

Author's Note

I have no idea anymore. :P
I doupt that i'll get away with this, but i wanted to have another try at the two sentance story thing. XD I technically already entered, but i do wonder if i should submit this one aswell, since i'm quite fond of how it came out, even though im not sure if it counts as two sentances or not. XD
Enjoy!
Lorcan *the character speaking* and Princess *obvious* are both my OCs.

Reviews

[Cody Wiggins]

This has so much potential for a story. So many ideas float around in my mind as to why the queen must die, will the knight save her and kill the king, does the queen love him? So many questions left unanswered but that's what's so great about a poem that they leave you wanting more. More emotion and more thought. If you have the time or if an idea pops in your head for a story on this it could be amazing. I'd be happy to brain storm with you over this poem.

[My-two-lives]

Thank you very much! I'm really glad (and a little surprised to be honest) that you liked this that much! :o
I suppose that i could try to write more for it, hmm... i did this for a competition so i didn't really come up with much more for after that.
Thanks again.

[yashmita13]

woww. that epic darkened school girl

[My-two-lives]

Thank you so much!! :'D
I'm glad that you liked it ^^ thanks again. ☺

[McKinleyA]

I think this is a really clever use of technique and structure. It reminds me of the first passage of "A Tale of Two Cities" (It was the best of times, it was the worst of times). It was very long, spanning a page or more if memory serves, but it was all one big, beautifully written sentence.

Aside from that, the story alone is very good. You can feel the torn nature of competing loyalties from the knight, and the difficulty of his decision.

[My-two-lives]

Thank you :)
I'm glad that you liked it, and I'm happy that it manages to covey all that, while keeping it's structure.