Let Me Be Your Ocean

Let Me Be Your Ocean

A Poem by Astro
"

Trying out a new style

"
I am here
Here where she is not
She...
Is...

Tied tightly, cinched up and fastened
Fixed and anchored.
She carries a spyglass with her
To witness the kaleidoscope of the sun
That plays upon the waves
Those watery windchimes lapping at her feet
Never loud enough to be heard by Neptune

Neptune's hushed ears are of his own making
Deafened by roaring seas
I say what need do we have of deaf Gods?
What need?
When I am here and...
She...
Is...

Cemented in stone, chained by the ankles
Nailed and planted.
Each day heeding the call
Walking the hot sand barefoot
Listening to my prayers in conch shells
My voice mute to Gods ears
But not hers 

She hears me curse...not the heavens
But the deep
I threaten to beat down the ever rising waves
To quiet, to silence,...to kill.
Let me be
Let me dive
Let me wave

She...
Is...

Devoted to life next to the water
Enchanted by golden skies above sinking fire
Where pebbled toes;
feel the movements of the heavens
as they rush up and down her calves
Two white cliffs apart from one another

I am here
She is...not.

...still I pray to deaf Gods...to let me be her ocean.



© 2013 Astro



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Reviews

"I am here
She is...not.
...still I pray to deaf Gods...to let me be her ocean."
A amazing poem. The above lines stood out. You had my favorite in the poem. The gods, the sea and hope. No weakness in the outstanding poetry.
Coyote



Posted 3 Years Ago


Astro

3 Years Ago

Thank you very much Coyote, this is one of my personal favs. I'm grateful for your kind and complim.. read more
What use are gods anyway compared to her ears? Don't tip toe where the water meets the sand, go neck deep and be pulled by her ebb!

100 empty prayers!

Posted 3 Years Ago


Astro

3 Years Ago

Easier said than done, my good friend a man's muse is no muse at all if she's so easily caught. Muc.. read more
"Neptune's hushed ears are of his own making
Deafened by roaring seas" Wow, that piece spoke to me! The longing you expressed is so very much tangible. The body of it was incredible, and the ending sits on your heart for awhile.


Posted 4 Years Ago


Astro

4 Years Ago

I'm glad that you could feel my metaphorical palpitations within this piece. Thank you for this kin.. read more
poetic heroics

4 Years Ago

I definitely could feel them, it was my pleasure.
A powerful piece that I could read time and time again. I appreciate it when a man can write about a woman they could love that much if she was near them. I have been there myself. I have wrote a few poems about a fictional woman that I have fallen in love with over and over. If this man could find her it sounds to me like he would have found his soul mate. Once again man really great poem, and great use of words to describe what he feels for her... 10/10

Posted 4 Years Ago


Astro

4 Years Ago

Thank you very much Stevo, that was a really great review. Those lines come from the heart that's w.. read more
Astro, this piece is stunning. If we were back in the late 90's, it would be printed out and pinned up in my locker so I could read in every day, right next to my favorite Marilyn Monroe quotes of course. As it is, it will have to suffice to be save to my favorites list. Awesome job my friend.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Astro

4 Years Ago

Thanks Kristin, haven't seen you around much lately. When you are though, Writerscafe is that much .. read more
I loved this Astro - you've written it really well with a lot of meaning and power. For trying out a new style it's an amazing first try.

~ Noodle

Posted 4 Years Ago


Astro

4 Years Ago

Thanks, I'm glad you loved it! Powerful inspirations yield the deepest and most creative ideas.
In the first lines... seems your talking about a lighthouse... fixed and anchored... by your intentions in the verse as this unwraps in the words... except you use she... which changes the plot as you get more creative with the dialogue and reflect this person as a entity... instead of a real person... hoping on conditions that the event will be favorable... and the Gods to do not answer the calling... of your desire...

Posted 4 Years Ago


Astro

4 Years Ago

"She" is only an entity of my desire, a spark of possibility, an incomplete form so that is why I wr.. read more
Glen Yumang Manese

4 Years Ago

This was an interesting read... made me think and otherwise... that's what people forget when they r.. read more
Astro

4 Years Ago

Well I'm glad you are the type to put in the effort. Cheers, and I'll review some of your work when .. read more
I love the format here Astro. I sense a pause with the lines;
She....
Is....
From there the words they form a tone that is so eloquent and one that flows so well my friend. A very descriptive piece that produces beautiful heart felt emotion.
Well done
Regards
Troy

Posted 4 Years Ago


Astro

4 Years Ago

Thank you Troy, my hand can only follow in the footsteps of my heart when I write, sometimes it is s.. read more
Troy Henson

4 Years Ago

U are talented my friend :)
Astro

4 Years Ago

Thanks again!
"My voice mute to Gods ears
But not hers"

those lines really hit me. this "she" is painted like a mystical creature on a three dimensional canvas. i love how each time you state "she...is..." it's like turning on a faucet and the words after it are just cascades of incredible sentiments and descriptions.

wow and that last line is so incredibly perfect to finish this off. a quiet and harrowing desire to not just be where she is, but to engulf her and be the "movements of the heavens" that get to touch her skin. your wanting is palpable. great work.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Astro

4 Years Ago

Thanks Dana this is an incredible day for me, and your review has pushed me over the edge in terms o.. read more
Dana Alsamsam

4 Years Ago

happy to hear you're happy :)
Astro

4 Years Ago

Thanks again, hope you are too!
Oh, wow.
This is in the vein of Nerado. I am absolutely in love with this sad ode to your ocean goddess.
The yearning is in between each line.
"Listening to my prayers in conch shells
My voice mute to Gods ears
But not hers "

perhaps she is yearning, as well.
Thanks for sharing.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Astro

4 Years Ago

I'm only a little familiar with the works of Neruda but from what I've read, I'll take the complimen.. read more

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711 Views
16 Reviews
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Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on July 30, 2013
Last Updated on July 30, 2013
Tags: Ocean, Neptune, Love, Romance, Poetry

Author

Astro
Astro

Surrey, BC, Canada



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