Loneliness.

Something extremely short that speaks to me deeply. This is one of the first things I ever wrote.

"He braced himself for the feeling of loneliness as a pikeman braces himself against his weapon. He waited, waited for the feelings of angst and despair to consume him in a cavalry charge issued the edict of capturing his heart. He knew himself to be all alone in this new world decimated by the fire and sword of a force unsympathetic to him. Yes, he waited until the sun came up for the feeling inside of him to exert itself outward into a show for himself. A re-affirmation of the truth that he seeked: he was sad, he was lonely, he would die here. Instead, the land around him permeated his soul, he found himself barren and devoid of emotion. He sat there, not trusting his legs to carry him to his death like he wished. He would not betray his true intentions to himself. He wanted, as all animals do, to survive. Picking himself up, he continued on his way, the body of a young man bloody and stripped of his posessions eyed him lifelessly. A last goodbye from the young man to the devil who delivered him from his own loneliness."

Author's Note

This is super short and I'd love to continue working on it! Just let me know what you think! (:

Reviews

[Porter]

You are very talented, that is obvious. The metaphors depicted in this are also pretty creative. Your usage of words is very broad and creates a beautiful, dark picture of the feelings you described in this. At the same time, there are points where the words become overbearing, and it takes away from the writing as a whole. I loved the ending; it is perfect. Try cutting down on the word usage in the beginning-middle area and, to me, it will be flawless. Just a suggestion. All together fantastic. ~Never Forget