The Outside LightsA Poem by OneAmongstManyThe Outside Lights
1 Turn off the outside lights, I was always told. I usually did, the flick of a switch and then black. Suddenly, everything real would disappear And those sheep and cattle grazing in the nearby fields Looked and saw the gaping expanse of nothing. Was there anything there at all? They would wonder Then the sudden glow from a window would reaffirm their sanity Until they realise they cannot wonder at all. In the black it appeared there was nothing but emptiness But inside, started fires flared This storm is one of flames and lights and devastation.
2 It was pretty far north, an unlikely locale in truth But there she came into view in a flash. Suddenly, minds turned in on themselves And imaginations whirred and conjured their perfections As they always do when we allow them to. Her’s was fleeting, though, a momentary flash-forward to now Or perhaps that’s how I choose to remember it Maybe it was everything at the time; it’s sad how our memories fade. Funny how paths divide and diverge Funny how we forge such unique and fabulous roads for ourselves Just a shame you took a wrong turn along the way.
3 We forget about the outside lights, when the curtains close at last. Usually it’s because we’re safe and sound within ourselves Wrapped in the warmth of sleep and imagined futures. Here, the outside reality seems distant and unreal. But like a fever, or a threatening moment of dread The dawn will come eventually, and with it the monotonous everyday. But for now, let’s take joy in the expanse of our imagination Let’s revel in the wild and inspired and ridiculous Until we convince ourselves that come the morning light, We will get up and grab her and never ever let go. The rising winter sun invades, and we forget our dreams as always.
4 A beautiful golden ship came softly gliding by This one was no Titanic - small and exclusively for the somebodies. It lay in the docks for years without moving And I watched the rich and royal step on and off each day. Sometimes I would sneak aboard and drink in its beauty But I always got forced out in the end, usually I felt dirty anyway. I had dreams of dreams that I set sail on it one morning Just you and I and the glistening blue sea in perfect reverie At night we switched on the fabulous burning beacon And gazed at the black and bright white waves and rippling tides. Ah, the harsh awakening when a dream is still too young.
5 Leave on the outside lights tonight, it was decided. There’s danger and threatening stares on every corner Sometimes visibility is our most inconspicuous disguise. Don’t be fooled by the orange lamps on the distant horizon They stand for fear and hatred, but take the form of all things bright. Instead, lift up your gaze to the white lights of the bright night And the exploding, flaring mass and matter; nature’s fireworks display. Funny how the young man looking to the heavens, Who lets that star flicker and dance its way into his soul, And who lets his heart be inspired and his lungs fill with vigour, Is really witnessing a most violent and explosive death.
6 There’s a comforting warmth to the kind and faithful But let not generosity cloud your eyes and instincts. Too many wanderers have lost their way, entranced by the unattainable; Like that magnificent proud creature so majestic and enchanting But she will never be caught; she already has her protector. Still we hunt; we prowl and stalk and set traps and hope That one day she will come to us, gently ambling into view. She has green and life in her eyes, she has thick and shining fur Her call is loud but inscrutable, fearsome yet strangely alluring Funny how we always ignore the warning signs. When you dwell in the jungle too long you forget the smell of concrete.
7 There are moths around the outside lights, I noticed one night. Fluttering and darting around, they hover in awe and wonder Entranced and ensnared by the golden glow and gladdening warmth. Our lives should be like that, but we allow darkness to pervade We turn off the lights when they burn us, scare us or shine too bright We seek and pine for the darkest days where we cannot see ourselves truly Where we can become lost among all the other fading souls For whom the glow is blinding, binding, and wholly unsettling. But as for the moths, when they find the glow they cling to it They never fly away or become discouraged; To them there is only light.
8 Have you ever been shocked and sparked into an idea or realisation? That happened to me late one night, I think it was July. Funny how a simple hello can be the start of something special Or something with mere potential to be special. We walked the green expanse, it seemed smaller all of a sudden The evening dew dampened our shoes and socks but not our hearts As we began to care and feel and share our inner thoughts. For a moment, all else faded into irrelevance Only we existed for a while, we were everything and everyone on earth. I would have walked with you forever that night But it suddenly became cold, and there was no fire to warm us.
9 And so I arrived one time in the land of the outside lights But these ones held no glow or warmth or allure Each one was more harsh, more brash, more blinding than the last. And yet I couldn’t stop looking at them, couldn’t stop staring I became addicted to the white painful burning sensation And ensnared by possibilities, life, and endless temptations. But then, I saw briefly one light which was different, it stood apart It had glow and warmth like the lights of home, and so much more. It danced into view and danced out of view even faster But I would never forget that light, I would never let myself forget it. Some memories can never be suppressed, for better or for worse.
10 That golden ship would always creep and flicker back into view When summer ended and I returned to its dock by the shimmering shore. Its mast rose high and exquisite; I always wanted to climb it And take in the view from the top, the towns and trees and blue green sea But I never found the courage or the strength, probably for the best. I thought sadly one night of the time when it would inevitably depart Beating on to inspire awe and wonder in the next lonely sailor. I felt it needed a fitting send-off, an outpouring of joy and feeling No, I wanted more than that, I wanted to be aboard, wherever it may go. But I lingered and hesitated and never found my voice. It sailed out to sea one cold morning, a vessel for broken dreams.
11 Sometimes the darkest road can be the most enticing And so I stumbled into alleyways and dark corridors of fear and trouble Looking for a high, a spark, an antidote for obsession. I found her there, the embodiment of all that should be kept apart From the weak and the drunk and the wretched and faithless We danced among the outside lights, didn’t we, lending ourselves to feeling Just for a little while, until the stars faded and the heavy darkness Gave way to a new light that felt so very much the same. Regret is an exercise in futility, like fear or trust or worry And still we let it dictate, until we eat ourselves alive. Funny what hunger will do to a man.
12 Returning to that land of outside lights, I took the long way round. Funny how we carve out the most scenic route when we cannot decipher What it is our hearts really crave, even in the quietest nights. That one light was still there, but this time I had longer to appreciate it. It shone brightly, yet had a subtlety so adoring That I never wanted to be away from it, never apart from it. We let such lights illuminate our onward paths, our every future thought Nothing remains the same when that glow has invaded your soul. Didn’t I try, didn’t I hope and dream and ignite the flames? Didn’t I lay it out before you? Maybe that was just a daydream This is the eye of the storm.
13 I took refuge one day in a place where life moves slowly by There is green and glow and flowers and freshly cut grass The air is pure and sweet, pure enough to clear the senses and then some, Pure enough to put back together a heart of a million pieces. I want to show you this place someday, someday soon I hope I see you in every place I frequent, there alongside me in the valley Eyes bright and wild with the taking in of beautiful new sights and sounds, Hands entwined among the outstretched meadows and light blue skies. You told me once that you’d never been to a place like that You asked if such a place could even exist or if the world is only grey Look around you, my friend and lover.
14 Most lights burn out or blow eventually, but this one didn’t. It shone all the brighter when the others had long faded into black Faded into their respective homes of regret or longing or suppression Funny how our mind defines the good old days. I know mine are still ahead of me, stretching out their welcoming arms Inviting me to the promised future of conjured dreams and visions. You are there too, by the light of a new sun and new waves and new fields Golden branches fluttering in a gentle rush of air and summer breeze. Outside light is our only constant, our only crutch when human lights go out. It will always be there to laugh and smile and lead us home I hope you’ll be waiting there for me.
15 They’ve all had a role in this long and undulating showpiece Some more significant than others; but life is not about the ‘once was’ Life is more, life is daisies and summer walks and worn out soles Is there a more pure and inspiring word than life? You and I stepped out one August night, our minds aglow and hearts ablaze We craned our moon-kissed necks and we stared up at everything The outside lights: glowing bright, glowing bright, glowing bright What a night to be alive! What a night to be alight! I see you shiver slightly in the navy haze of midnight Do you want to go home now? I ask in a whisper No, you reply with shimmering eyes, let’s walk a little while longer.
© 2017 OneAmongstManyAuthor's Note
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