Life: A Reverse Nightmare

An autobiographical approach to examining the themes of love, life, and legacy.

Life: A Reverse Nightmare

Preface:

            It is argued in this shared world of ours, that the word “cold” is not an actual thing in our environment.  The sensation that we describe simply as cold, is actually the absence of heat.  This same theory can be used to explain the perpetual struggle that is sadness versus happiness.  Despite experiencing moments of “happiness” that can be spaced out over the duration of a lifetime or even strung together for a period of time if we’re lucky, in the end, sadness is an inevitable truth that lies six feet under patiently waiting for us.  Because our physical lives here on Earth can only end with sadness, it is feasible to say that just like heat and cold, the latter option (in this case happiness, previously cold) does not truly exist.  Our life’s moments and our overall legacy can be defined on a scale of sadness with debilitating depression and the absence of sadness being the two extremes.  

Chapter One:

            It was my sophomore year in high school and I was learning more about love than I was about chemistry, unless of course we’re talking about the chemistry that myself and a spunky brunette girl possessed.  If you know me personally, you will not be surprised when I say that she was the one brave enough to make the first move, demonstrating the lack of confidence in me that has stood the test of time.  Due to her brave endeavor of getting my number however, our relationship blossomed into the always dumbfounding I-Like-You-You-Like-Me-But-We’re-Just-Friends stage of which many young teens fall trap to.  Luckily for me though, this stage proved to be an obstacle which had a solution as simple as my relationship skills were at that point, time.  By school year’s end, the large groups that we had grown accustomed to hanging out in began to disperse and we often found ourselves alone together with a ticking time bomb of tension.  She was waiting for me to pop the question and I was waiting for the perfect moment, which evidently in my book was always, “I’ll ask her the next time we hang out.”  Naturally, my time to procrastinate ran dry as it does for all procrastinators and the pressure of the time crunch brought out the best in me as I finally worked up the nerve to ask the six word question that was every introverted, teenaged boy’s nightmare, “Will you go out with me?” 

            Every time I look back on that summer of 2010, a half smile crosses my face.  I can’t help it.  We were young, we had recently acquired our driver’s licenses, and although neither of us would admit it, we were in love.  Her house would be my utopia and the drive back at midnight would be my trip back to reality.  Her family became mine, her sisters, my sisters and her mom, my mom.  I would play baseball during the day with her supporting me in the stands and then we’d return to my safe haven, with me still wearing the uniform and all.  There was me catching her by surprise with a first kiss, and her composing herself for a passionate return.  There was fighting, two-sided stories that to this day still carry two “correct” explanations, one based on the trust that comes through love and one based on logic.  Undoubtedly as I would come to learn, logic is trumped by love ten times out of ten and although this was my first exposure to that primitive truth, the natural response took over and we moved on.  Lastly, there was the tearing down of the walls that each of us had built brick by brick over the years.  You see, everyone puts on the strongest version of themselves when they go out in public and interact with acquaintances.  You cannot truthfully say that you love someone until you have seen the version of them that isn’t advertised to the public, the version that shows they aren’t always strong.  That summer, I learned that shedding tears isn’t the worst thing that a relationship can go through, as long as there’s someone there with a sweatshirt for her to bury her face in.  More importantly, I learned of the dangerous, emotional investment that occurs when a guy becomes a girl’s comforter.  Looking back on that summer, a half smile does cross my face, but it is followed by a frown as I am reminded that every beginning has an ending.

~ ~ ~ What ifs are what keep us up at night, but also what keeps us in bed in the morning, scared to face the day ~ ~ ~

To be continued? (Maybe…)

            P.M. Tymes

            

Author's Note

First time I've truly taken some time to put my feelings onto paper so I'm not sure as to the quality of my writing... nor the style. I'm hoping my honest writing style resonates with readers and provides me with the encouragement to continue this piece. Let me know what you guys think!

Reviews

[Toni Spruill]

I think that this story is awesome people like me (currently in high school) could truly enjoy this writing. Your quote at the end is 100% true. I really hope you continue this story I will make sure I read it every time. It's a good story for girls to read to better understand boy's, and a good one for boy's to read to say "Yeah I feel you". Please continue it's awesome