Force of Shock

Force of Shock

Force of Shock~
 
Does it gotta be so hard, putting into perfect words of how I feel?,
When in fact it doesn't even seem real.
Still shaken by the force of shock,
Hit hard, like pieces crumbling from a solid rock,
Only the loud sounds of the hands circling.... tic-toc..,
 
Trying to call you on the phone, but I have to stop,
Slow motion, and frozen, like the very last second of a dying clock,
I can still hear your voice, making the tears fall from my cheek,
You gave up, let go, and your pain made you weak.
 
As the thoughts take over, and continue to burn my soul,
Haunts me at night, as to why you let go.
Taking longer for my heart to heal,
Dad, you're supposed to stand in front of me,
and from this pain, guard me like a shield.
 
I admit that I thought you were dead once before,
All your travels made it hard to place an address on your door.
Your disappearance was silent for yet another 10 years of my life,
A bond created by the inner strength of your new wife.
 
Brought together a relationship made of steel,
The journey began, and everything became real.
She went to heaven & upon the sadness,
 and pain of her death; she could only be free,
If knowing that here on earth, you now have me.
We were strangers, Yes. And spent our entire lives apart,
You always said that even miles away, I was your heart,
But when you lost your wife everything got dark.
 
Still shaken by the force of shock,
Hit hard, pieces still falling from a once solid rock.
Our recent memories were so real,
That if I close my eyes, your touch I can really feel.
Your face is right here,
And my vision of you is clear.
 
I am blessed to have been in the presence
 of every memory that we share,
Secret location of "our place" in the middle of nowhere.
Outside sports you and the kids would play,
Crawl up next to grandpa every night, and that's where he'd stay,
Why couldn't you just give it to God if you were afraid?
The games of your conscious, would no longer be played,
The dark sky, and storms of heavy rain,
Washing away the tears, releasing you of your pain,
Drink after drink, and constant battles drove you insane,
Everything would soon fade.
 
What stood in the way of prayer? Step to the ladder and kneel,

Or did you sacrifice your life, and take the wrong deal?
You stood empty, alone, with worthless hope,
You just wanted it to go away, so you pulled and released the rope.
Why did you make me love you, then leave me to cry?,
When it was your choice to live or die,
I still need you daddy, don't make me say goodbye.
 
Still shaken by the force of shock,
Hit hard, like pieces crumbling from a solid rock,
Only the loud sounds of the hands circling...tic-toc...,
Still trying to call you on the phone, but I have to stop,
Slow motion, and frozen, like the very last second of a dying clock.
 
I will give MY pain to the Lord, and get the right deal,
Dad, you're supposed to stand in front of me,
and from this pain, guard me like a shield,
Its okay Dad, God said you can walk behind me
in the land of heavenly fields.

09/10/2012