Why Does Friend Ends with 'End'?

It was best to end when you told me to pray for my selfish thoughts.

Broken pieces on the floor
I don't want to pick it up anymore
Since every shard hurt to the core
Like acid on my heart you pour

Maybe I fell too fast
That's why it wouldn't last
When the truth was asked
My heart and love were cast

I didn't want to mope
It would make me look like a dope
I know my heart would someday cope
But you said I should hope

I can't think that way
Wishing your current happiness away
It isn't where right intentions lay
So I have to leave and turn away

We're now just friends
But why does friend ends with 'end'?
I'm taking back the heart I lend
For this relationship to mend
Now I'll love you to the end
But only as a friend...
My regards to you I send...

Author's Note

Please tell what do you think. And please comment tips on how I can improve.

Reviews

[rowan.taylorrr]

this is heartbreaking. I feel every sense of this

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you xoxo

[emipoemi]

Having read a bit of your work, a general note is your musicality. You need to work on your musicality, which doesn't necessarily mean write with a strict rhythm, but write with a fluid consistency so every important word hits the right note. For how one reads a poem is simply by looking out for the important beats. If you have an important beat at the end of the line, and that line is long, unless the musicality of the piece calls for it, the particular line is going to end up sounding bad. In this here philosophical friendship poem, the first two lines of stanza three make for a good example. Your rhymes being important beats in the poem, you have to find ways to properly hit them without too much going on in between. If done well, even forced rhymes won't sound forced ("dope" in this case clearly sounds forced, but if the stanza were to be set to musical perfection– somewhat like the first two stanzas– "dope" would sound fine.....for it does work). In conclusion, you write about very profound and metaphorical subjects that dive deep down into the philosophical and makes us think, but they lack musicality, which undermines their brilliance. Here's a bit of advice: Don't control the poems. Have the idea, and let the poem speak to you about how it wants to go and what it wants to say. The moment you control the flow, you end up with work you may not be particularly proud of. But you let the spirit flow through you, to speak to you, that's how you attain your gold.

p.s. "I'm taking back the heart I lend" has implications of the past, and therefore "lend" would actually be "lent".....which would ruin the rhyme scheme (if you care that much)

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you so much for that wonderful advice. I'll always keep it in mind. I will let my poems go where it wants to go and try not to control it. I always notice that my rhymes are really forced, but thank you for the advice and review. And the ps... I thought over that for a long time but I ended with lend for the rhyme scheme. This was one of my first (when my life was still fine) then the latest ones are just an outlet of my feels so I didn't care for the musicality.

May I ask how do you achieve musicality in your way?

[emipoemi]

Musicality as mentioned is not necessarily the metre or rhythm: it's the smooth flow of the words/thoughts in which the right notes hit the right beats; where you guide the reader along by line breaking/stanza breaking in the right places to show them how the poem is to be read (line/stanza breaks help with that and are done as well to enrich the meaning of the lines themselves, thus they should be done with care). So to achieve musicality is not something that can be taught or shown, it's found. Say the poem aloud, you'll see that if an important beat is taking too long to come to, you have a mouthful of a line that should be shortened. Likewise if you need more syllables in order reach the important beat, you'll hear it when you read it aloud. Fiddle around with it, you'll get better in time.

Starting with strict rhythms/forms actually helps, for it gets you thinking on that level, and then when you get good at that, you could play around with loosening your rhythms and simply focus on natural flow.

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you again for explaining to me. I'll to incorporate musicality to my new poems. Can musicality be achieved without rhyme?

[emipoemi]

it most definitely can.....it's trickier, though, given rhymes are generally guidelines to important beats. You just have to play it by ear.

[Weeping willow]

Pretty good on the words,sure does make you wonder why friends has end on it.I don't have too many anymore. They've all seemed to have left as life keeps going on;-] Nice write with hidden emotions.

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you for the review 😁. The story behind that was actually a girl who fell for a guy who had a gf. When the guy learned this she told the girl they should stay as friends but the guy also said that there might be a chance he would break up with his gf and that she may hope for that to happen.

After that they stayed as friends but she cut all ties after him shortly. (He was a jerk)

[Weeping willow]

Sounds like a very tangled web,so glad she got out of it;-]