Too Many Gods for Me

This is why I sruggle with my faith.

     

The first time I remember going to church, was with Bob Swartz, whose dad was the minister. I was fourteen. It was a small wooden building across from a grade school. I'd been outside of it during services, and could hear them yelling something, but I could never make out what they were saying. So, when Bob asked me to go, I said sure. It was on a Wednesday night. We sat towards the back, with me taking a seat closet the aisle.

 

Everything seemed normal, except for every once in a while someone would jump up, blurt out words I couldn't make out, and scare the s**t out of me. About halfway through Bob's dad called for men to come to the front. I was no man, so I just sat back and watched as they made a huge circle. They started out by all of them raising their hands to the sky, and just praying. Suddenly, a muscular guy shouted and leaped up into the air. I was froze. He took off running done the aisle, coming right towards me.

 

I'll never forget the look on his face as he raced past me, and shot out the front door of the church. I didn't get it. Everyone was laughing. Some were laying on the floor talking in a language I'd never heard. I told Bob I wanted to go, but he told me to just sit and wait. Wait for what ? After  a kind of long period the guy came busting back through the front doors, still running, sweat dripping off his face. He was talking just like those other people. I was scared and just wanted to leave, but Bob's dad was my only way home.

 

Bob told me what they were doing was speaking in tongues. Now, I don't want to offend anyone, but I will always connect speaking in tongues to acting crazy. That experience didn't make me not believe in God, but it didn't make me want to go to church again, either. That was my first experience with God. Since that time I have made some observations about God, and the people who worship Him, including myself. I'm not a very good believer. I'm about as wishy washy as they come, but I still talk to God.

 

The first thing I noticed was from that experience at fourteen. Bob's dad was a very rigid man, kind of unforgiving. He was stern. He always preached of hell, and the burning lake of fire, and how God meant what he said. Homosexuality was an abomination, playing cards and dancing were sins. I noticed he didn't laugh much, and he definitely didn't dance or play cards.

 I also ended up at a church where they had a bad a*s band that played a new kind of Christian music. I saw people drinking coffee in the pews. In Bob's church everyone wore suits and ties...here a lot of people wore clean jeans, and tennis shoes. It made me think about all the God's out there, and the people who prayed to them.

 

It seemed to me like instead of God being a certain way, and people adjusting to that way, it seemed God reflected the people's personality more than the people fitting into God's way. Rigid and stern folks seemed to worship a stern and rigid God. And, compassionate, open and forgiving people tended to worship a God that was kind of like them. This confused me a bit. For one thing..if my child was lost and was trying to find me, I wouldn't put a hundred guy's who looked just like me..sounded just like me..had the same feel as me, onto their path, then punish them if they chose the wrong me. What kind of Father would do that ? It also seems to me, that the real God would never want you to kill anybody and everybody who didn't pick him. That's kind of what God and I are talking about now.

 

There's only two choices out there, less you want to combine them. There's the "Big Bang".. and there's Divine creation. I heard the leading physicist in the US say the other day, it was impossible for a loud explosion, because you need certain elements to make sound..none which existed before the supposed "Big Bang." That means the Universe was created in absolute silence, not some tremendous loud explosion..which I thought strange. But, to believe there is a Being that has always existed, and he alone made thousands of galaxies, filled with massive black holes that swallowed countless moons,suns,planets and stars like we have, is also beyond my BB brain. I guess that's where faith come in.

 

I heard someone say to believe in the Big Bang theory, is equivalent to believing the Unabridged Dictionary was created by an explosion in a printing shop. I guess I'm leaning toward God, even though both theories are way over my head. And to be honest, the God I believe in likes football,  thunderstorms, little kids laughing in playgrounds, and fried chicken with mashed potatoes....and Pecan pie. And Jesus plays Santa Clause every December 25th.

 

 

Reviews

[Aspiring Angel]

I am really late finding myself here today.

I have never been in a church such as you described first and I guess for those that have that sort of belief it would be Okay but for myself I am afraid I would have been much like yourself and it would have scared me enough that I would have been afraid to enter into another's church door. It is very true that many churches and their memberships will not find their way to heaven as well as many Pastors so I believe. I believe truly in God and worship him in a personal way. If I want to talk to him in the shower I do and I am sure that he hears me just as clearly as if I am sitting in a church pew. I am not saying that we should not attend a church of our choice and fellowship with the others there, I just don't believe that it is the congregation of that church that earns us points in the big guys book. LOL As always a great write my friend. Hope you did not think you had been forgotten today. Hugs, Lesa

[Adela Muresan]

''It seemed to me like instead of God being a certain way, and people adjusting to that way, it seemed God reflected the people's personality more than the people fitting into God's way. Rigid and stern folks seemed to worship a stern and rigid God. And, compassionate, open and forgiving people tended to worship a God that was kind of like them.''

'I heard someone say to believe in the Big Bang theory, is equivalent to believing the Unabridged Dictionary was created by an explosion in a printing shop. I guess I'm leaning toward God, even though both theories are way over my head. And to be honest, the God I believe in likes football, thunderstorms, little kids laughing in playgrounds, and fried chicken with mashed potatoes....and Pecan pie. And Jesus plays Santa Clause every December 25th.'

Thease ideas make me glad I read it....I wander how i never thought about the personality thing :)).

A.M.

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

God is our own personal savior, He is there for each of us whether we accept Him or believe in Him. No matter what name He goes by or He is a higher power, even if it's a big bang somethig started this world we live in a we are just a little spec in the universe. And we all have the right to believe in what we believe in.

As always Rain, thought provoking and clear writing. I could feel myself in the church with the people talking in toungues, bet they were falling on the floor and passing out too.

[Donald Meikle]

Sorta kinda like mine (but She's a jealous God)