No Politics Please - A Weekly News Bulletin!

Satire!

 

No Politics Please – A Weekly News Bulletin!

 

Obama is black, almost. McCain is White and grey. Biden is very old. Palin is young. And her daughter is pregnant and very young. Hillary is angry and waiting. Mr. Clinton is seething and frustrated. Al Gore has gone green and invisible. Bush is on the way out. Blair is out of the glare.

 

Dick Cheney shot his own reflection on the mirror thinking it was a bear.

 

CIA has made a breakthrough in the Anti-terrorism front. With inputs from the internal agency FBI and the NSA and some help from Pakistan and democratic Afghanistan they have confirmed that Osama has shaved his beard, but they are yet to confirm if the moustache is still there. Mushraff has resigned from Presidency and is not sure what designation he holds now.

 

China hosted the best Olympic ever. Dalai Lama is still a terrorist. Phelps swims faster than a fish.

 

Taliban is regrouping. Afghanistan has won a gold medal.

 

Angelina Jolie has delivered twins and is planning to adopt them. Batman is okay, but everyone is mourning the death of the Joker.

 

Iraq’s economy is down; bomb prices have gone up, less suicide blasts. France first model, I mean, first lady Ms. Carla Sarkozy’s full-clothed photos are leaked and she has taken objection to it. Paris is still the capital of romance. Paris Hilton has released a new sex video, but she is not sure who the guy was. Britney has lost a few pounds and her children custody too. She is confused whether to be happy or sad. Lindsay Lohan is driving around drunk and nobody is arresting her for DUI. She desperately wants to be in the news.

 

In India, inflation has hit record levels. Dollar per barrel is steaming up as usual.

 

Pope has unearthed an old scripture where it says that Islam is the root cause of all problems in the world. He changed his mind an hour later and said it was not his claim, and he is ready to apologize to whomever it may concern.

 

Iran is so painfully slow in producing nuclear weapons that UN is sending scientists instead of inspectors to their nuclear site. Build the damn bomb, idiots!

 

NASA has found that there are signs of water in Mars and one satellite photograph has identified Elvis Presley. They have approached Lance Armstrong and Stephen Speilberg to stage a landing on Mars.

 

Michael Jackson turns 50 years old and has found out that he indeed was born a woman. He says he would love to have kids. Madonna too turned 50 and is planning to divorce Guy Ritchie. She was about to convert to Hypnotism, but stopped at the last moment after it was explained to her that it was not a religion.

 

By the way, apart from these 0.000000001% of the world population, the common people who constitute just the other 99.999999999% population have minor problems with employment, malnutrition, diseases, food, oil and some environmental issues.

 

Good Day!

Author's Note

Okay, I may have been a bit cynical somewhere up there, but there is an underlying anger raging inside. I would be happy if it brings a smile, but would be happier if it made you think. Thank You.

Reviews

[Nevah Ann]

Wow, that was really good. It made you think about the world and what we think as "important" and not what really is important.

[Emily B]

We must have a sense of humor about life sometimes. I think you've done an amazing job here; sarcasm is a powerful tool. I was sitting in the hospital waiting room yesterday while my husband was having an ultrasound done. I watch people. I've done it for years. I can tell you things about the people I see that they probably don't even know about themselves. I watched an elderly couple talking. She was having a test run. They were in tolerable good health for their ages. But their was fear in their eyes. They're old enough to know for certain that there is trouble ahead. I thought of them as I read your words.