Personal Belief

          Last year I was institutionalized for depression and suicidal tendancies. I had been dealing with depression for at least one year. However, I didn't even know how I felt wasn't normal. I told myself that everyone dreams about their death and everyone has moments of unexplicable sadness. I told myself that if I acted like everything was okay then everything would be okay. I told myself so many things. So many lies, and the truth was always in the back of my head, whispering what I should be doing. However, I almost always brushed it off. After all if the voice was so small and soft, then it must not be right. I thought in such black and white, right and wrong context, and thought that somehow my morality and other mental devices would prevent me from making damaging decisions. The truth did win out though. I told my guidance counselor how I felt, how I couldn't deal with it anymore. Though things got worse, at first, it did come uphill.  

        

           That was the year that my personal belief was formed. My belief is that lies will always hurt you more than the truth. That lies are deceptive and cruel, like monsters that take you over without attracting your attention and wear at you for days, months, or even years. They become a part of you. A tumor that scratches,  betrays, and claws at you until you have no choice, but to fall to tattered shreds.  

         

          Now I bet you are wondering how my belief has a direct, rational correlation to my story. That you are thinking the truth is what made it worse , what got me institutionalized, and the truth made me spend 6 months in therapy. Take a step back though, it was still the metaphorical tumor that did this. Though the lies may not have been a bundle of overgrown cancerous cells, for all the pain in took to get it out it might as well have been. It was always the lies. No matter how deceptive they are. The truth may not be pretty, but the lies are much uglier.   

         In this soon to be forgotten essay I do not seek pity or sympathy. I do not write an epiphany of realization that came to me in a mental battle, but rather a slowly accumulated wealth of information that has been molded like clay into a state able belief.   

          

          I believe many things, but of all of them the one I hold with the most conviction is that lies will always hurt you more than the truth. Sadly, an attribute of human nature has been pitted against us and the only thing we can do is fight a never ending, methodical war against the lies, because if the truth is undesirable, then the lie is an abomination that mutates constantly inside us all.

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I felt the personal reflective in this write...just comes out naturally in the lines...as a reader goes about this story of yours...You paint us a picture of your world and the situation of what you feel in black and white...Good to read your work…Thanks for the invite to read your thoughts to paper at Writers Café...I'm back to work with copy writer and doing my best to write 1000 words a day...and a subject you do not get to choose...I ‘m happy to say I have 102 copy writes to go…will be busy the next few months on other projects...so I will read all RR"s might just take a bit longer to get a review...hope you understand...plus promote my book: The Onyx - Vena Amoris...for late next month release…I have very little time on my hands…making the most of everyday and taking today to read as many as I can…keep writing and sharing your creative talent here and elsewhere…