(Chinmoku)

"Silence" For all the times I feel like I can't turn to anyone but myself.

Silence
Like nothing I've ever seen
Like nothing ever heard
Just a murmur, any word
Give me something
See it not
Drown in silence
The boiling pot
Clawing upward
Can't see sky
Just so tired of asking why.
To try, to care, is old things past
My breath is heavy, my heart beats fast
I am cast
Cast away now
I can't live
Can't pass the day now
Pop this bubble
Your last foul play
This is the end of the day
Do you have anything to say?
Or will you just brush me away?

Reviews

[introverted_soul]

I really liked it! I don't know what way you meant when you wrote or with what intentions but I found a pretty good inner story from it. It takes me through different ways.

[Freedom]

ooh, i forgot to add that i think 'silence' is symbolic of the lack of emotional support that you so obviously need from the intended audience. that's why the bit about 'drowning in silence' is so signficant; it indicates that this silence, this lack of emotional support, is having such a negative impact on you.

[Freedom]

mmm.
silence is kind of introduced as a central theme, but it turns out as a symbol for the central theme..right?

i see the resignation..and i also see awkwardness, scorn, anger, obvious hostility towards the audience. I really love the "i am cast," but i dont like it followed by "cast away now, I can't live." it'd be cool if you left it open and just followed with "cant pass the day now." and i really like the "Your last foul play
This is the end of the day," part. the emphasis on 'is' brings your purpose together. which, if im not mistaken, is to pretty much go, "f**k you, i cant handle this s**t alone, you've failed at what you were supposed to do and it fucked me over too." roughly.

[Liam]

Wow, very nice poem and I can empathize completely with you. Well done, you should write more poems like this!

[Catriona Elliott]

This has a really nice flow to it. My favourite part was
"Just a murmur, any word
Give me something
See it not
Drown in silence
The boiling pot
Clawing upward
Can't see sky
Just so tired of asking why." The imagery here is good, I get the feeling of sort of panic then resignation.