Dreamy moon

Dreamy moon

A Poem by RivuletofSorrow
"

About a moon. I think its original. Am I right??

"
The Moon was a silky pearl
in the dark moony sky
it shone like the pearls on my necklace
which my husband bought for me
last November because 
he forgot my birthday.
Everyone forgot my birthday. :(

So romantic boat ride
was the solution
to my evolution
Eric got on the boat and said
'Oh no! I forgot to bring the necklace!'

I wanted him dead
Instead
he began to sing: 

"Moon moon way up high
when you twinkle in the sky
I want to lick the cheese
of the moon's surface please

Like wallace and gromit
there will be a...robot
that collects moon cheese
I wonder if the taste is sweet..."

Hiss singing was like a choking bird
music to my ears
lyrics flying up to the moon
the moon's gift was cheese for me
it dropped out of space and 
landed in my mouth

I said 'Yum. That's good cheese.'

Then Eric picked the cheese out of my teeth 
and licked it too.
He then kissed me real hard.
It was nice.

"I hate you."
He wasn't my husband at all.
He was the moon.

© 2014 RivuletofSorrow



Author's Note

RivuletofSorrow
Honest fedback pleas :) x

My Review

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Featured Review

I liked the subject matter and the creative use of modern reference and child like wonder..I liked the first four stanzas but then it kind of rambled for me....you write with a sense of wonder and subtle humor but it leaves you slightly sad......no one should be alone on their birthday. ....

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

That was insightful. The poem came from personal experience. It hits me deeply.



Reviews

I'm not really much of a poet... so I don't really know what to say... but I can see that your style of writing is very... humorous. Based on all the stuff that I have read, of course. It's not something that I can take seriously since they keep going in that particular direction. But I do enjoy reading it, though. It's a lot of fun :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


Loved the way you constructed this and the way you incorporated the subject matter! :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


I love the flow but had a hard time keeping up. It is really really good though :-D

Posted 3 Years Ago


RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much. Yeah I think fast like a hamster on a wheel.
Fenix Flight

3 Years Ago

Hamster on a wheel. haha That image is now seared into my brain haha. Nicely put
This was creative and unique. I didn't expect the ending though. This reminded me of my best friend who is going to celebrate her birthday tomorrow (and wow I hate myself because I won't be there for her). I like how you made this poem flawless; the flow and the narration. Definitely a great work.

Posted 3 Years Ago


RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Wow thank you lots xx
I like the reference to Wallace and Gromit. This poem was very unique and different. But I like it. It's a nice breath of fresh air. Good job! :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Thank you, yeah I sometimes wonder why people never mention that the moon is made of cheese in their.. read more
Definitely different, good story telling here.
I like the playful humour you injected into this.


Posted 3 Years Ago


RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Thank you babes xx
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ron
Very interesting poem. You put a lot of emotions in a short poem, very nice.

Posted 3 Years Ago


Well it seems to run through you a fluid and sanguine quality it is akin to early spring and the willingness nature has to blossom. It happens then that you invite people to travel with you and here is where the challenge is presented to me (personally). As I try to follow your youthfulness you quickly ask me to deviate and present me with a new idea every other paragraph which makes my ADD dizzy and I have to go back to see if I am actually following the idea or not. I do also after three meetings starting to get to know Eric and there is always a risk that I may start to annoy him.
But just as it started the resounding freshness of good will it is enchanting.
Thankyou

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much :) It means so much coming from you. I know my poem is very poetic and complex. Oh.. read more
I liked the subject matter and the creative use of modern reference and child like wonder..I liked the first four stanzas but then it kind of rambled for me....you write with a sense of wonder and subtle humor but it leaves you slightly sad......no one should be alone on their birthday. ....

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

That was insightful. The poem came from personal experience. It hits me deeply.
wait... what? lol, that was interesting...?

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

What don't you understand?
ellie_irwin

3 Years Ago

i understood it, i just never read anything like this that's why im kinda... shocked, i guess? and i.. read more
RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Shocked? wow, never knew my work could provoke such a reaction. I feel truly blessed by your [INSERT.. read more

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11 Reviews
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Added on July 2, 2014
Last Updated on July 2, 2014
Tags: Dreamy moon

Author

RivuletofSorrow
RivuletofSorrow

Toronto, Canada



About
Hi! Read my stuff. You'll like it. :) more..

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