A night for lifting

A bundle of my thoughts written down with a bit of a story

It's a good night for some lifting, don't you think? The sky is blurred with some clouds and
stars, the night brisk and chilly, yet pleasant. Midnight will come soon and the bell tower will
sing it's song for the whole city to hear. It's a good night for some lifting indeed. You pick a
street with shallow lightning and an ocassional passerby, no one to hear your victims if they
start to scream or shout, and enough shadows to aid you with possible escapes. Yes, this
street will suit you fine for the evening. You see a good dark place between two big oak trees,
and you move there to wait, shielding you from the electrical lights illuminating the road itself,
albeit so poorly. You wait for a long time, the bell tower has already sung its song, and just as you
think no one will come and you will return empty handed, a man stumbles upon the road you're
watching. You can see he is tall and lean, quite young but old enough. A stubble on his face,
barely called a beard can be seen and his nose, not yet freed from acne is illuminated by the
shy lightning. He wears a green jacket and blue jeans along with some big shoes, too big for
his skinny frame. His face, from what you can see, usually handsome is barred with a woried
expression that goes along with his slow and tired walk, even though he is long from old age.
His shoulders are slumped and his eyes cast downwards, he probably won't even notice you
untill you are right before him. You reach for your trusty old flip knife as he nears, rolling it
around in your right hand while clutching the bark of the old tree with your left. You look at the
man again, your face now marked with a contemplating expression. Do I lift him or not, you
think. You need the money, but yet again he doesnt look like the rich type, and by what you can
see, he really doesnt need another bad deed in his life.
But forget about the man now, what about you?
Why are you here, trying to rob people in the first place, none of them even deserved
it, they just came at the wrong place in the wrong time. Are you so bad you have to make
money by others losing it, even though they worked hard to earn it? Or is it more than that? Are
you forced to do it? By an older brother or a so called friend? Your "crew"? Or is it something
even more somber? Is the world, the society itself forcing you? What if you have a
son or a daughter back home, who is sick and needs medicine? What if you're forced to do a lot
of bad deeds to do a good one? Make someone else lose their loved one because you have
your own to worry about. What kind of a world do you live in? Who lost their humanity first,
dragging everybody else to that gloomy and dark pit of despair and poverty just so they can
have something they will never need? Who do you blame? Someone has to take the blame!
You're all innocent, born or made like this by the others around you. You're all just a mirror at
the end of the day. You reflect. You have to, you will shatter otherwise. It's the easiest to
reflect. It gives you an oppertunity to live and fight another day. But will you fight? Do you have
the guts, the stubborn state of mind to say no, to be the first to slam their fist down and stand
up, shielding others who are unable to do that for themselves? At the end of the day, will it even
matter? You pull yourself back to reality, just as the man dissapears at the end of the path, no
longer in your sight. Turns out its not a good night for some lifting, you think, as you journey
home, again emptyhanded.

Author's Note

Let me know what the grammar problems are and if you liked the writer adressing the reader. I never saw anything like that so I thought I could give it a go...

Reviews

[Joshua Carl Cruz]

You pick a street with shallow lighting...right here I'd like to suggest a move of the next line to the end of lighting...yes, this street will do fine for the evening....ditching the and for a period, start the next sentence An occassional passerby and continue from there. It suspends the reveal that this is a malcontent looking for a victim for just that extra second and makes for a little stiffer punch without feeling slammed in there. The tree bit flows with the concept of the darkness and shadow in the previous sentence and just, idk, makes it feel smoother in transition. Electric lights or electrical, was that a tough decision to choose because they both are apt? Electric light hits my ear like a bell. As for the questions which apply? Does he have an older brother or a crew or any of the musings you wrote? Thinking of his motivations, does he do it often and as a result goes home emptyhanded a lot?

[Sesame]

Hello Midnight Gentleman,

I like the setting and the contemplation. Will I do it or not? But addressing the reader in this way is far from unique I am afraid. Not that it matters. Some suggestions for improvement:

possible escapes -> "a possible escape"

A stubble on his face, barely called a beard can be seen -> "There is a stubble on his face, hardly a beard."

can be seen and his nose, not yet freed from acne is illuminated by the shy lightning. -> "...lighting."

big shoes, too big for his skinny frame. -> does not make sense, skinniness says nothing about shoe size

his face, from what you can see, usually handsome is barred -> "usually" makes me think you know the guy you are going to rob.. but I don't sense the recognition earlier. "his handsome face is barred with a worried expression." all things mentioned here are obiviously 'from what you can see' it is superfluous to mention this

You need the money, but yet again he doesnt look like the rich type, and by what you can
see, he really doesnt need another bad deed in his life. - (again drop the 'by what you can see', and the rest of the sentence is awkward as well: what does it mean to need a bad deed in a life? maybe try "bad luck" instead

none of them even deserved -> "These people have not deserved it to be robbed."
it,

Are you so bad you have to make money by others losing it, -> "Are you so corrupted that you have to take other's money for your own gain."

oppertunity -> opportunity

All in all, the story does not run very smoothly because of the awkard and too long sentences. The concept however, I like.

Good luck.

Regards,

Sesame

@followsesame on Twitter
www.themagiccave.com

[Chris]

In the first few sentences I thought you were referring to lifting weights. I think there are more creative ways to say that someone is about to get robbed or killed. I know you can find those creative ways because you touched on something that you can definitely dig into more. When you ask all of the questions about why the narrator is looking to commit crime I think it'd be a good idea to give a little back story. Maybe have a flashback to some defining moment in the narrator's life. Or a little information about the narrator (where is he from, is he still there, why is/isn't he still there). You'd benefit from this. I love crime fiction and I like your story. I just really think, since the narrator didn't actually commit a crime, that the reader should know more about who he is on the interior as well as the exterior. Keep writing crime fiction!