entry

I feel obliged to go over some of my old work and fix some errors.

The original edition:

Drip.... Drip.... Drip.....

The sound of the leaky fuacet rang through the room. Lynn found herself awoken with a very thin blanket drapped over her. Her body could feel the cold cement that she had been laying on even as she stood up. Attempting to gain her barrings, Lynn looked around at her sorroundings she found the source of the somewhat huanting noise. An old rusty sink, like youd see in an abandoned insane assylum, was sitting on the other side of the room. Lynn walked over and fumbled for the knob to try and shut the water off but as she strained to twist it, it wouldnt budge. Lynn lifted her eyes not knowing there was a mirror above the sink she was almost startled.However, as she focused her eyes lynn looked into the reflection of herself, same old me lynn thought to herself. The mirror showed its age thick with black speckles traced around the edges. For some reason there was no fear of where she was, there was only intrigue. Cinder block walls cased the room with one doorway out. Lynn decided this was definately a time to make an exception and smoke a cigeratte. She went back over to the thin blanket and sat down. As she flicked the lighter Lynn saw something that brought back reality and unwanted memories, her desk. Like always all Lynns favorite books were stacked in the shelves underneath . However, something was different, Lynns most prized positions were scattered about the top of the desk like meaningless clutter. This brought forth a strong emotion of anger in lynn. As always, however, she swallowed it down letting it enter into the pit of her stomach. Lynn lit her cigeratte and as she took her first puff she almost chocked from hacking and coughing. For a noise intterupted her from inhaling. It had to be the most horible blood curdiling scream she had ever heard. A chill rushed down her spine and she jumped up. Okay this place is really starting to give me the creeps lynn thought to herself. Lynn argued in her mind wether or not she should open the door and venture out of the room. She decided it would be selfish of her not to go and try to help whoever made that horable scream. She reached for the door handle and started to twist it when all the sudden bam the door hit her directly in the face. Lynn fell to the ground knocked unconcious.

 

The current revised edition:

 

Drip.... Drip.... Drip.....

The sound of a leaky faucet interrupted my sleep. I reached for my blanket to pull over my head as I always did when I did not want to wake up. I was startled when I grabbed a thin material with a wooly texture. I started to sit up and noticed a feeling of cold cement beneath me.  As I stood up I could feel an imprint on my leg of the ground that was beneath my feet. Attempting to gain my bearing, I looked around at my surroundings and I found the source of the eerie noise, it was an old rusty sink. I walked over and fumbled for the knob to try and shut the water off but as I strained to twist it, the knob refused to budge. I lifted my eyes not knowing there was a mirror above the sink I was quite startled. My eyes were still a little moist from waking up and the image in the mirror was blurry. I rubbed my eyes and the reflection of myself in the mirror comforted me. The mirror showed its age thick with black speckles traced around the edges. At this moment for reasons unknown I lost all sense of fear and instead was engulfed in curiosity. I surveyed the room around me, the walls were made of cinder block and there was not a single window. On the other side of the room there was an iron door with what looked like the kind of slot they have in prison just big enough to fit some food through. The walls started to close in on me and I could feel the familiar tightening in my chest and my breath began to quicken. Out of habit I reached into my pocket for a cigarette and was surprised to find out I actually had my pack and light. I went back over to the thin blanket and sat down. As I flicked the lighter I saw something, in the corner, I swear it had not been there before. It was my old desk from my room growing up. My head started to hurt as I tried to wrap my mind around the desk winding up in this cold cell. After I analyzed this with no results I looked back and noticed all my favorite books were scattered around with most of the pages ripped out. The few possessions I was able to keep as a child had been broken, the tiny pieces covering the top of my precious desk. I felt overwhelmed with emotion and began to feel the knot build up in my throat. As always I swallowed it burying it down with the rest of the rotten emotion deep inside of me. I pulled my lighter back up and put the cigarette back between my lips and lit it. As I inhaled my first puff I almost choked from hacking and coughing. I don’t think I had heard a more terrifying noise before or after that point. It wasn’t just a scream; it was the sound of inconceivable suffering. A shiver rushed down my spine and I jumped up out of overwhelming fear. When I stood up I looked at the Iron door and the slot began to open and all I could see were a pair of eyes staring at me. I reacted surprisingly slow, I guess out of shock, and lunged towards the door hoping I could keep those eyes from getting any closer.  I almost reached it, but I was too late, the big iron door hit me hard.

Author's Note

Im going to split the chapters for the readers onlines pleasure

Reviews

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

I don't usually read and review stories, since I'm not very good at it. But one thing I did notice is there were a lot of errors, mostly spelling throughout the piece. And I'm sure you don't need to have the characters name mentioned more than a dozen times throughout a chapter. The description and imagery was there, however I think the chapter may need a little work. Keep it up.

[Dawn]

This story has one of the surprise endings which just makes people hang on to every word!! Can't wait till the next part!

[R J Askew]

Waking up in strange circumstances offers great scope for all kinds of shocks and intrigues. My curiosity was aroused. I thought the style could be a little tighter though. I don't think you need to keep saying 'Lynn. Lynn' quite so often as she is the only person in the story so far. Also the word 'however' slowed it up a couple of times. Can you create something newer than 'blood curdling'? These are just one person's minor nit picks of course. Keep at it!

[Angel Bird]

Wow! This is a quite gripping start. I already want to know how the story will go on, and what will happen to Lynn.
You definitely have a talent to grab the readers attention, and produce creepy images.

Can't wait to read the continuation.

Great job!

[Jessi]

Nicely written I want to read more I love it it got my attention on te first line

[Constance]

This starts off very nicely. You have me wondering what on earth will happen next...

[Evil_Angel]

Hmmm makes me want more. The spelling is a little off. You should just type it up in Word Processor and it corrects it for you haha, thats what I do, but whatever the story is interesting nevertheless. I'm excited to read more thanks for the read request. :)