Sweet Like The Smell Of Syrup

As one soul,

 As two hearts . . . 

Am I not just as much their daughter as he is their son? 

And is he not just as much their son as I am their daughter? 

Inside that drawer is autumn - is the ocean. 

I've opened a storm, 

Raging greys and blues - whirling around those pupils -

 And I cannot look away . . . 

And in your tiny oceans, in that drawer, are stars -  

Perfectly shaped and glowing - you are royal blue . . .

 How mysterious is our galaxy that seems to hide under the ballroom in my dreams!

Dancing like the autumn leaves who spin . . . 

The drawer changes, its green paint charmingly faded . . .

 I hear him whistling his song as the gentle breeze flows through the trees . . . 

The fallen leaves crinkle beneath my feet like the way, 

Subtly hinting at age, 

That the corners of his sparkling eyes do when he smiles at me.

 Pulling my face from the drawer - 

Dressed in lace - beautifully afraid - 

I close and I lock it with the rose key. 

Laying on the dark floor, I look out of my window into a starry night sky. 

How the magic taunts me

 And Neverland is just beyond the moon . . .

 One day -

 One day when I open the drawer again.

 For now, it glows along its rim and leaks warmth - sweet scents.

 I'm looking up at him . . .

 Oh, I wish to hold his hand - May I hold his hand _

Author's Note

An in depth review would be great! Can you figure out what the poem means or have I made that too apparent or too impossible? Be harsh ;)
P.S. Punctuation was intended to be artistic.

Reviews

[Amber Lily]

Very interesting... I'm not sure of your intended meaning, but I did draw some conclusions of my own. They say that love is a battlefield, and I believe that is what is inside the drawer. Love is beautiful, yet dangerous, soothing yet harsh. Not everyone is prepared to jump into that chaos right away. At least that's what I pulled from it. Loved the word play that you used, it really put me in a different place :)

[LittleBear]

Thank you so much for your review! It means a lot to hear you say that it took you to a different place! It is true, love is painful . . . but, so worth it. I am sorry that it took me so long to reply to your review, I only just now seen it. Nevertheless, thank you so much!

[Sanny]

Wow this is beautiful. Love it so, much :)

[LittleBear]

Thank you!! :)

[DoormanDan]

I'll start off by saying that I'm sorry for being late with this review. I started it a few days ago, but then had to life and whatnot. Anyway, here's my review:

I'll start with the technical aspects. First off, I love the italicized, small font you went with. I feel that it further augments the subtly magical atmosphere of this piece, which is already made strong by your use of vocabulary and imagery. Overall, 10/10 from me!

For the second part, I'll try to be as in depth as I can. After reading through this a few times, I started to think of a drawer, writer, painter, or any sort of creative artist in the process of creating something new. The process in itself is an extremely magical one if you are passionate about it. Also, perhaps there is a love connection to this poem? Maybe that love is the source of inspiration and magic? Anyway, I read the last few lines as that creative artist waiting for more ideas and to combust with his/her relentless inspiration. I don't know if I'm right, but this is what I thought when reading.

Overall, I think you did a wonderful job with this poem. You wrote it in a way that isn't at first clear, but is made so upon giving it a little thought, and even then, there's still room for interpretation, which I always view as a great mix. It takes a good deal of effort to strike that line. The poem has a magical aura to it that balances subtleness, thought and flow. Keep up the awesome work! :)

[LittleBear]

That is completely understandable. I often have to "life" as well often (ha ha) and that is why I am late with my reply. Nevertheless, I'd like to send a big thanks your way for your review. Every critique means a lot to me.

1) I too love the font! I am so pleased to hear that it added the effect that it did; however, another reviewer has said that it was difficult to read on their device so I will have to decide what to do. Thank you very much! To see you say 10/10 makes me feel so good ♡

2) That is an interesting interpretation. It is part of the fun of poetry is all of the different view points. While this wasn't what I was going for ("exactly"), I think your interpretation was beautiful. I will say that their is a love connection but I don't want to give too much away to possible future viewers. This love does inspire magic and many other wonderful things in me. Him and his family . . . I digress (ha ha)!

Again thank you so much for your time and kind words ♡♡

[barleygirl]

I like your use of a drawer to suggest that the things we treasure in life might be contained in a compartment in our minds or our hearts. I like many of your creative descriptions, such as: "Raging greys and blues - whirling around those pupils" . . . and:
"The fallen leaves crinkle beneath my feet like the way,
Subtly hinting at age,
That the corners of his sparkling eyes do when he smiles at me"

The very small font, combined with the light color selected make this difficult to read, tho. I know you like to be creative with fonts & colors, but I also think readability is important. These days, everyone uses a different type of device, some display well, others not so well. Better to make choices that transfer well across all platforms.

[LittleBear]

That is what I was trying to illustrate with the metaphor of the drawer while I was simultaneously directing it at the subject(s) to let him know that, no matter what he thinks, I am in control of this "situation" that he seems to view as troublesome. Nevertheless, I am still gifted great happiness by him without him (them) even knowing.
Those lines mean a lot to me so I am glad that they resonated well with you.
Thank you for your honesty. I can see how it may make it difficult to read. I will consider what changes to make. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEW ♡ It means a ton to me :)

[Pryde Foltz]

Neverland speaks to a boy who does not grow up ... I sense grief, wonder and love. It really is a wonderful piece. I might look to how it could sit differently on the page if you wanted to play with it:)

[LittleBear]

Yes, thank you so much! It means a lot to hear you say that! ♡
I would like to change how it looks on the page but that is hard to do with my cellular. If I have time I willtry to play with that on my PC :)

[Nwang]

Beautifully written, reminded me of my sister. You have a great way with words. Thank you for sharing this work and hope to read more fro you.

[LittleBear]

Thank you! :)
I am so glad to hear that! It means a lot!

[AliciaB]

This is a lovely poem. The various images throughout are great - I especially like the play on "crinkle" in the lines "The fallen leaves crinkle beneath my feet like the way, / Subtly hinting at age, / That the corners of his sparkling eyes do when he smiles at me." The repeated use of various themes like the autumn leaves, the night sky, and a stormy ocean is particularly good, as it gives coherence to the poem and adds layers of meaning to each of these images. You can see them evolve throughout, revealing the depth behind the ideas. I really like the "Raging greys and blues" in the storm and ocean used to describe the subject's eyes. The "Neverland" reference is also beautiful. Overall, your language is expressive and captivating, and it's a thrill to read. As for what it's about... I'm not entirely certain. With many poems, especially very intricate ones like this one, the meaning depends largely on the reader's interpretation. That being said, there's definitely an element of authorial purpose to it - there's a reason you wrote it, and there's ultimately a message behind it that you want readers to understand. Otherwise, why would we write? :) To me, this seems like the voice of a bride as she ponders memories of her soon-to-be husband; that impression draws strongly on the lines about "son" and "daughter" at the beginning and "Dressed in lace - beautifully afraid" near the end. But whatever it's about, this poem is wonderful. Excellent work!

[LittleBear]

Thank you so very much for your wonderful and kind review! It is the kind of constructive response I am looking for. It means - honestly - so much to hear that you enjoyed my poem; I put SO much of my heart into this one. I read your review to my mom and she started crying

[AliciaB]

Wow... that's great! I'm sorry I made your mom cry, but it sounds like it was in a good way. :) I appreciate in-depth reviews too, so I am very glad that this one could mean so much. Keep up the excellent work!

[LittleBear]

Yes, definitely in a good way! Thank you so much :)

[Bacchus]

great line- inside that drawer is autumn
this picture in a drawer- never thought to write about such a thing.

might just write my own piece about a picture i look at too.

[LittleBear]

Thank you! I don't really know how the idea came to me . . . sometimes, I just kind of have a "spirit of writing" that takes over me. I'm sure if you write a piece about this ( a picture you look at ) that it will be fantastic!

[??????]

I really liked it I think you did a fine job here:)

[LittleBear]

Thank you! That is great to hear. I really put my heart into this one ♡

[??????]

I can see that and your welcome:)