Illusion

You were an illusion I was hanging on to.

I don’t know how, but you held me captivated.
Your eyes caught my attention and I was enchanted.
You seemed so certain, so at ease, so in place - it was a lie.

Every word out of your mouth became a lie.
I clung to them all, searching for 
hoping to find a truth in what you said.
You had me fooled. It wasn’t real

Nothing with you ever was -
Not your words, you weren’t sincere.
Not your interest, it was deceit.
Not your charm, it was an act.
Not your actions, they were a play.

Yes - if nothing else, you know how to put on a play.

You made me feel sad - sad for myself for ever allowing you
Allowing you to touch upon the border of my heart
Allowing you to occupy places in my mind
To dominate too much time of my day
To make me care.

Now you make me feel sad - sad for you
Sad for you because you’ve wasted such good company
Because you’ve nothing to show for your behaviour but malcontent where you could have affection
Because what you portray yourself as makes you uncomfortable and it’s starting to show
Because what you’ve done has dampened your spirits
Because what you can’t have you now realize you want
But most of all

Because your facade is killing you, and it’s starting to seep through to you.
And it shows on your face.
And it takes root in your heart.
And you can’t change it anymore
This is something you can’t fix.

And the worst part for you is the best part for me:

I don’t care anymore.
The illusion broke and we both stepped on the shards
Irreparable, irreplaceable
Gone forever.
Like snow to water, we return to our root state
of indifference.