Kawaiitupya: The Adventures Of SeveroA Story by VERONICASevero is a nice young man. He’s spent his entire life learning; connecting new brain cells and becoming a better person. Even as he came out of the womb he knew how to add and subtract. Partly because his mother would teach him while he was only but a small zygote. She even read to him Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice at this same developmental period. This kind of extensive learning is quite common in the planet of Kawaiitupya.
Kawaii means cute in Japanese, and tupya is simply utopia only spelt incorrectly and pronounced cuter; together they create the word cute-utopia. On Kawaiitupya everyone is happy, nice, compassionate, vegan, caring, cute, fun and positive. There is no government because they have no problems that need correcting. Everyone has different beliefs, religions, sexual orientations, smiles and personalities! But despite all their differences they know how to co-exist, love and respect their neighbors even though they may not agree.
Aside from being a cute, peaceful utopia, people in Kawaiitupya spend their entire lives learning. Here the residents are always going into new schools, applying for courses that surpass their life expectancy, studying, on average, fifty or more foreign cultures, all while new educational methods are pumped out by the minute. And the most fantastic thing is that this education is its availabity to everyone! The schools in Kawaiitupya are not at all like the traditional schools we experience here on Earth; the schools contain a more positive, creative and beautiful environment that promotes better learning.
So they can learn more, high school usually lasts until you’re thirty. Severo is graduating at the age of twenty-five, which is a feat almost unheardof. Only fifteen other people in the infinitely long history of Kawaiitupya have graduated at that age or younger.
Severo is a Phüdist, the religion in Kawaiitupya that occupies the majority of the population. (Phüdists read and learn from all religions, they dissect each one by sorting out the good and the bad, then living by the positive qualities. They also do not literally interpret any of the stories; they look for the deeper meanings that the stories teach.)
Aside from being a very spiritual person, Severo is constantly working. His dream is to go to a college and learn Nordic skating and opera. So, he’s been sweating himself all the way up to his twenty-fifth year of life to be the best Nordic skater he could ever be, and challenging himself and his voice to hit every note. He’s taken all the right credits and extra curricular activities. With all this work, on top of achieving only flower stickers (the equivalent to an A) on everything from school, Severo had practically no time for relaxing or socializing. His entire life he’d been working his hardest to achieve this dream. Now that he’s finished high school, Severo plans to take a year off, apply for the college that has both Nordic skating and opera and also do some other activities to put on his college application.
The day after graduation he was so excited to find this college that he woke up like a child on Christmas morning and ran down to the computer to search for that college.
Severo had been on the Internet for two days, since that Sunday morning he started his searching. His eyes were crusty and barely staying open. He had eaten six large bags of animal crackers and not moved an inch. There are only seventy search engines for colleges, he’d gone through sixty-nine and almost felt like breaking down because he had found none. But there was hope, hope that the last website would have that one college he had dreamed about and strived for his entire life! He pulled up that last site, he typed in “Opera+’Nordic skating’” in the search bar. The page was loading. It was the longest thirty seconds of his young life. He sat there on the edge of his seat praying, ju praying that such a college existed. The new page finally loaded. There was, but one. He read through the part that said what the college offered, “Here at Lolligransmith’s University of Fifty Fine Arts, we offer courses, majors and extra curriculars in the fifty greatest fine arts. These fifty arts include: Painting, Improvisation, Stand Up Comedy, Ballet, Opera…” And it continued to list the rest of the fifty. Severo intensely read through the rest of the fine arts that Lolligransmith considered to be the fifty most important.
Holding his breath, Severo almost cried as he approached the last ten and was beginning to realize that Nordic Skating was probably not going to be on that list at all. “Brazilian Belly Dancing, Croquet, Hop-Scotch, African Chanting, Choral Singing and Italian Waltzing Combo, Computer Art Design, Japanese Kaleidoscope Decorating, Nordic Skating and Intense Cake Design!” He could hardly believe it, “Japanese Kaleidoscope Decorating, Nordic Skating and Intense Cake Design!” He had actually found the college, THE college he’d wanted his entire life! He began to melt. Then his heart jumped with joy and he was filled with energy he hadn’t felt his entire life! He didn’t even wait to read the rest of the details.
Without thinking Severo sprinted outside to proclaim to the world he’d found the college. He ran up and down Cherry Street in his pajamas (a pair of boxer briefs and a tight white t-shirt). Severo ran back inside to wake up his parents.
“I FOUND IT! I FOUND IT!” he yelled while shaking them.
“Severo, what? What did you find? Its eleven thirty at night! Your father and I need to sleep, go back to bed!”
“NO! NO! I FOUND IT! I FOUND THE COLLEGE! THE COLLEGE! It’s called Lolligransmith’s University of Fifty Fine Arts! It offers opera AND Nordic skating! Mama, this is the college I’ve wanted my whole life! I found it! I FOUND IT! I CAN’T BELIEVE I FINALLY FOUND IT!”
At this Severo’s parents became fully awake and almost as excited as Severo.
“Really! That’s fantastic! SHOW US!” the two adults said in unison. Severo conducted his parents down to his basement where he showed them, with pride the website that changed his life forever. The three of them crowded around the page to get a look at this amazing college.
“Look!” Severo said while pointing to the screen. “Right here. It says ‘These fifty fine arts includes:’ then it states a few and you see opera. And then at the bottom of the list, second to last it has Nordic skating! Mama! Dad! It exists! Holy s**t! HOLY S**T! I found it too!”
“Ok, ok calm down,” advised his mother.
“Lets have a look at it!” ordered his dad.
Severo clicked on the link to the college’s home page. They stood there with the most impatience. The page came up: “404! This website is not available any more.”
“What?” Severo’s breathing became stressed and heavy. “404? Page doesn’t exist!” “Severo, it’s ok it probably just needs to reload,” his mom said as comfortingly as she could.
Severo reloaded the page. “404!” Severo went back to the college website where he’d originally found the college. Severo read the details out loud; it revealed that the college had burned down in a fire fifty years ago. There was no attempt to reestablish it or anything. Severo was wrong, there was no such college.
As he read about his dream college going up in flames he started to cry. It started gently, just one tear barely forming in his eyes and before he finished the sentence he was like Alice in Wonderland creating an ocean of his sadness. The crying became uncontrollable it appeared as though he’d lost all sanity when he started shaking. “F**K! F**K! NO!” He started kicking his desk and then he collapsed onto the floor and started squirming about yelling as if he were a dying child. “NO! MAMA! STOP IT! STOP IT!”
His parents stood there looking at each other in shock, this behavior did not surprise them. It wasn’t that Severo was a super expressive and overly dramatic person, it was only that his entire life had been about getting into this college. It was all he’d ever dreamed about.
His mother even started crying. His dad didn’t know what to do.
There was a knock at the door. Severo’s dad rushed to get it. It was the neighbors; they thought Severo was dying. Severo’s parents tried to explain, but as they did they soon became hysterical. Mr. Jenkins sat them down, as the rest of the neighbors tried to calm Severo. He had passed out. While sprawled out over the floor, Severo experienced for one of the first times in his life genuine peace. The thing was that Severo always had such high expectations for himself that he never had any time when he was completely and genuinely at peace. Not even when he did yoga, there was always something at the back of his mind, nagging him. But in this unconscious state he had a vision. He saw a flaming, dead, flying fish. Its speech was incredibly articulate.
“Severo!” it snapped in its British accent. “Whaaaa… uh… euh?”
“Severo! Pay attention! I’m sorry that I’m snapping at you but I got in a fight with my significant other about the caviar she was eating! She was eating our own children! But Severo you must pay attention; I don’t have much longer until you regain consciousness.”
“Wait, who… what are you?”
“In good time, my dear, in good time. But that college you’re looking for exists! Not Lolligransmith’s, but a different, better one! I don’t have any more time. I must go, I’ll find you later.”
Severo awoke. He found himself in his bed. His parents had just laid him down and they were walking away. “What happened?”
Unfortunately they hadn’t heard him and just shut the door. Severo let a wave of sleep wash over him as he disappeared into the black darkness of his room.
Severo woke up that next day at 12 o’clock and started crying again on the memory of his dream imploding last night. His mom came in to check on him and bring him some organic cereal.
“Thanks,” he said while wiping a tear from his eye.
He went through his day like a normal school-less day. His dad took him to the local coffee shop and bought him a large size of whatever drink he wanted. Severo got three large Double Shot Peppermint Mochas and drank them all. After practically having pure caffeine practically shot into his blood system, he came home and promptly passed out into yet another coma of sleep on his bed.
“Severo!” It was the flying, flaming, dead fish again. “Why are you depressed? I told you that there is a college that offers Nordic skating and opera!”
“Oh, I kind of forgot. I’m sorry. But I’m pretty sure that you’re only a figment of my imagination.”
“Shut up!” ordered the fish. “I, most definitely, am not! Here take this and when you wake and discover you have it, you’ll know I’m not simply a stupid figment of your imagination, as you so claim me.” With this saucy response the fish gave Severo a scrap of paper. “Now you listen, do you want to go to an opera and Nordic skating offering college?” Severo nodded his head in approval. “Good. To start on your way, get on the boat that leaves for Brellevilla at seven thirty. Here’s your ticket!” He pointed to the scrap of paper he had handed Severo earlier. The fish then flew upwards until he became only but a dead flaming flying speck.
Severo did awake. And Severo did have a boat ticket in his hand. He looked at the clock. It was six thirty. He ran down to his parents and told them exactly what happened and even showed them the boat ticket. They didn’t believe him. He didn’t try to explain it again; it would have been a waste of time. Severo’s parents were some of the most stubborn people and wouldn’t believe him no matter what evidence Severo presented.
Severo ran to the garage and jumped onto his bicycle (there are no cars in Kawaiitupya) and rode off to the boat-port. He got to the boat-port and went through all the necessary waiting lines. That was when he realized he forgot to pack his stuff. It was too late to go back, seeing as it was already seven nineteen and he was seated comfortably inside the boat. Severo couldn’t believe what he had done! This was insane! He had run away from home, Severo had never rebelled before in his life! But if that college really existed at the end of this adventure: it was all worth it. The boat took off and tired from the craziness of leaving home, Severo dozed off into a nap.
He woke up to find he wasn’t inside any boat at all he was on top on what Kawaiitupyans call a Keemasauruscopter. These are furry, flying animals with helicopter blades on their belly, instead of wings on their back. As far as the animal goes it has no legs, a tail and a head, but no neck. They appear to have no mouth because it’s hidden under all its fur. They have beady eyes and no nose. Keemasauruscopters come in all colors; this particular one was a very, very light pink, almost the color of white.
“Good day,” said the fish.
“Hello,” Severo said. He took a breath and then a hundred questions popped up in his mind and he blurted them out, rapid fire at the fish; “Where’s everyone else? Where am I? What’s going on? Where’s the college? Who are you? What is this? Am I dead? Am I crazy? What are you?”
“Define everyone else. You’re on a Keemasauruscopter. You’re going to the college. You’ll find out in due time. I’m Arianna. What do you mean by this? No. No. I’m a dead flying flaming fish, isn’t it obvious? But for now, I advise you to just sit tight, listen and do as I tell. Great. So we’re on our way to the college and you must know a certain amount of information before you can even enter.” The fish spent that last hour on the Keemasauruscopter teaching Severo about opera. Severo knew 99% of the information. Then they worked on Severo’s skill as a singer. Arianna learned that Severo could reach about every note except for a perfect high C.
After working further on Severo’s skill, a flock of flying bed sheets came attacking with jello, and lots of it. As soon as the bed sheets came Arianna seemed to disappear. Severo was now battling the odds on the back of that Keemasauruscopter as jello was being flung onto him. Severo’s one true weakness in life is jello; it’s so mysterious, he’s never trusted the way it jiggled. But these bed sheets were relentless and buried Severo in a pile of jiggling jello.
Severo clawed and yelled frantically tried to escape this dreadful dessert. It did no good. Just then a bed sheet approached him.
“Stop that!” It said. “We’re here to help you!”
“Then why’d you burry me in this pile of jello!” came a muffled voice from within the jello.
“Because we knew you would never listen to us otherwise, we know you hate us with a passion!” (It was true; Severo hadn’t slept with any bed sheets since he was six.) “We came to warn you that a sapphire-flavored, metal chimpanzee with angry scissor-hands is coming to kill you. We must go now!” And with that the bed sheets disappeared.
It was now when Severo remembered why he had hated bed sheets so much; they always unintentionally put him in horrible situations. For example, right now: an angry metal monkey with some need to kill him was on the way and he was stuck in jello. “Thanks for the warning,” Severo said sarcastically.
He clawed and ate but nothing helped! Just then Arianna reappeared and told him to hit the high C. “I can’t,” Severo said. “It’s impossible!”
“You have to,” yelled Arianna, “It’s the only way out of the jello. Jello always breaks at the sound of a high C! I have to leave, good luck.”
“F**K!” yelled Severo. “F**K!” This was the only word Severo could think of. Severo did all he could do now; sing. “F**K!” he sang as a weak high C. But he continued to push his voice as he sang the word “f**k” until finally the jello splattered! Unfortunately this was all a little too late; the scissor-handed chimpanzee had arrived. Still unsure of what to do, Severo thought quick and jumped off the back of the Keemasauruscopter. While falling through the air he was so proud of himself for singing that high C, that he did it again, and again, and once more. Arianna flew up next to him.
“Good thinking chap! Here take these Nordic skates, it’s necessary that you have them when you enter the college.” Arianna handed Severo a pair of heavy skates that caused Severo to drop through the air faster. “Well I must be going now, good-bye.” Arianna flew off.
Severo looked down and wondered why the land below him was such a dark oddly shaded red. As he got closer he saw that there were waves. It wasn’t land at all he was landing a sea of blood! He landed in the sea of blood and sunk down a few yards. He pulled himself back up gasping for air! Severo was insanely freaked out and scared. He used his hands to claw through the blood so that he could get to any land he could. Anywhere would be better than this! Unfortunately Severo still had those Nordic skates and he was going to hold onto those for his life, because if those dropped he wouldn’t be able to get into the college. Severo swam for ten hours. Because of the weight of the boots and the difficulty of swimming through a sea of blood, Severo was incredibly stronger and new toned muscles on his body were highly noticeable.
Off in the distance, he saw a rainbow. It could have been a mirage, but by now Severo didn’t care because, considering how crazy everything had been, this had to be a sign of land. He continued to swim and he found himself at the rainbow. The rainbow was solid and flat, but slippery. Severo put on his Nordic boots even though they were soaked in blood. And he skated on the rainbow to see if there was anything he could use to help himself.
“’Ello, I see you’ve found my rainbow alright! Here lets clean you up.” Severo turned around to find that Arianna had been floating behind him.
“ARE YOU TRYING TO F*****G KILL ME?”
“No, but look at you! You won’t have to do the weight lifting and training unit in college! You’re in perfect shape for Nordic skating. You’re already completely done with that. Please, take a bath in that spring, I’ll have a fresh pile of clothes over there and I’ll clean off your skates.” Arianna forcefully removed Severo’s skates and floated away to clean them. Severo went over to the spring, took off his clothes and got in.
He bathed in the warm water for over an hour just to get the disgusting smell of the bloody ocean off of his skin. When he got out he found a bed, some clothes, his skates and a dinner set out for him. He got dressed, ate and then went to sleep.
That next morning Arianna woke Severo up to continue teaching him so he’d be ready for the college. Arianna put on Severo’s skates and showed him the exact science of how to Nordic skate perfectly. It took but an hour for Severo to figure this out and he surpassed Arianna at the end of the session.
When Arianna asked Severo questions on Nordic Skating, there wasn’t a fact that Severo didn’t know. Arianna then showed Severo how to sing opera and Nordic skate at the same time. Severo, being an amazing multitasker, easily pulled off this trick with the help of Arianna’s tips. Severo spent another night on the rainbow. He woke up without the help of Arianna, only to find a loud screaming female rapper running towards him.
Without warning, she jumped on top of him and started attacking him. Severo got his wits about him and pushed her off. He hastily tied up his skates in less than seven seconds (another trick he had learned form Arianna). The woman got up and so did Severo. The two of them raced down the rainbow. When Severo turned around he found that it took off a mask and costume to reveal the same angry sapphire-flavored chimp that had come after him before. Severo pushed his strong legs on the ice and was going the fastest he’d ever gone in his life. This wasn’t fast enough though; the chimpanzee was closing in. Severo quickly turned with the rainbow and agilely dodged the broken pieces of cloud that had fallen. But he still wasn’t fast enough and the monkey was getting even faster. Severo used all his strength and all his focus to move his legs in the right way. He continued to skate until this quicker state became natural and he pushed himself farther until he was noticeably faster than the angry monkey. After two hours the primate was completely out of sight. Ahead, Severo saw a large wall of jello!
“F**K!” he sang in a high C and he held it. He held it for five whole minutes without taking a breath. The thick wall exploded and Severo just cruised on by. Hidden by the wall of jello (that was now revealed) was the end of the rainbow. Luckily Severo learned from Arianna how to stop at a moment’s request. Severo came to a graceful but abrupt halt and looked over the edge of the rainbow to see the top of a perfectly normal looking building. He looked behind him, no chimpanzee. Arianna fluttered up to him.
“Way to go, I’m impressed! I’m glad you got away from that little bugger. I was going to warn you, but when I saw the female rapper I thought it wasn’t the monkey. So I figured she wasn’t going to be any threat. I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok, Arianna. But, now what?”
“Well you must know how to act in this college. So let me give you acting lessons, and then you must know how to act and sing in an operatic style.”
Arianna (again) easily taught Severo information that he knew incredibly well already in a few hours.
From behind Severo heard the thudding of the chimp’s feet on the rainbow, he looked behind to see that the evil chimpanzee was right behind him. Severo looked around to see that again Arianna had fled the scene. Severo had nowhere to go so he jumped down to the building below him. Landing with a rather loud thud on the roof, it didn’t take long for the people in the building to get to the top to investigate what was going on. There was a large group of people dressed in mideval costumes.
“He’s here!” one of the relatively normally dressed persons said loudly.
Everyone in the crowd let out a sigh of relief.
“What?” asked Severo.
But Severo was ignored. “Ok so here’s your script, I put my notes on the side, we start in an hour. And make sure you have time to get into costume, hair and make-up as well. Oh and thank you so much for coming to be the lead in our Opera on such short notice.” The man then hurried everyone off the roof and Severo sat down and learned every line and note in his script. He studied every note the director made he knew the entire opera in only forty-five minutes. Severo then rushed downstairs to get in costume, hair and makeup. And he still had time to continue memorizing before the play started.
Severo provided such an incredible performance that everyone in the theatre was in tears and everyone on stage could barely contain themselves. At one part a character had entered in the wrong time and Severo did some of the best improvisation known to man, while still singing. Severo had stolen the show.
When it was all over Severo took his Nordic skates and many bouquets and left. Severo walked out of the building and onto the ordinary sidewalk. Dreaming about the college that only seemed moments away, Severo sat down and waited for Arianna to reappear.
“Wow!” said Arianna from behind. “That was an amazing performance! I think that with all this hard work and amazing talent that you will graduate this college with straight flower stickers!”
“Really? You think so!”
“In fact, Severo, I know so! Actually, to be absolutely honest, you already have!”
“What?”
“Yes this entire adventure of yours, your quest to trying to get to this perfect college was actually the college itself! Each of the three lessons I taught you were supposed to take over a year each but with your incredible knowledge and skill you were ready for the exam after only a day or an hour.”
“But I never took any exams,” Severo was confused and having mixed feelings. He didn’t know whether to he happy that he graduated or sad that he never got the college experience he’d dreamed about.
“Not any traditional exams. They were more like tests on your performance; the first was escaping from the jello. I designed that one especially for you, because nothing else seemed to be a challenge for you and anything else would have been busy work. I will not stand for busy work! The next test was when you skated through that rainbow! That was some of the best Nordic Skating I’ve seen in my life! And the final was being able to perform Opera with only an hour in advance! And in every area you most definitely showed your knowledge and commitment! It usually takes eight years of training for most students to get to that level you’re at! But now you’ve passed! You’ve graduated! Congratulations!”
“Its over,” Severo still wasn’t sure if he should be absolutely overjoyed or overcome with grief. Arianna’s amazing compliments had really helped Severo feel good about himself, but he had barely learned anything new. At least he had the diploma and experience to last him, he thought. And maybe now he could be a young legend in both Opera and Nordic Skating.
At the end of the short graduation ceremony Severo was dropped off at his home with his diploma, Nordic skates and a large smile. Severo had finally come to the conclusion that he had proved a theory. A theory that is true throughout the entire universe, not just Kawaiitupya. A theory that he and you alike have been told your whole life. “If you dream big and put your full effort into pursuing that dream you may just get it… and then a little bit more!" But, under no circumstances, will it be how you expected it. © 2010 VERONICAFeatured Review
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Added on February 17, 2008Last Updated on March 15, 2010 Author
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