Dead-Eden Tree

what the harry is this about?

A tree

Holding a maiden within—

Such a peaceful place—

A peaceful piece of shade

For me to mark up—

Mark up all with my hate:

Eat up all of my hate.

Something eerie and dry,

Serpentine and bribing

Beckoning out to me

Propagating for isolation

Hiding meaning

Concealing meaning

Veiling meaning

Beneath dangerous words—

Swathing the gist underneath gargantuan turns of phrases

Wood

Wood

Gnarly, rotten, oaken and coarse

Cracked and parched

Scaly and overly-starched

Beautiful wooden veil

And I do the best I can to carve my crooked name in with just a dying pen.

 

Reviews

[Edward Clay]

"a peaceful piece of shadE" you missed the letter E.

the repetition of the word hate feels unecessary and slightly cluttered toward the start and breaks up the flow. i'd suggest a change, but i won't say because that's up to you! a bit later you do it with the word meaning, but that feels ok - it keeps a flow by doing so.