Let Me Burn!

Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of death -Coco

"Let me burn! Let me burn!" were his words before leaving the house. He was looking perturbed that day. Maybe there was something sinister haunting him so badly that he couldn't even pretend to live a normal life which he has been pretending to live for the most part of his life. Christopher was considered an important member of society. He had such calmness and patience in his attitude that people used to admire him for such graceful personality. But today all his gracefulness seemed as a veil, formulated to disguise something horrifying he had done in the past. Something too sinful to even imagine.

As soon as he left the house, his wife Samantha ran after him. She was intrigued and worried at the same 

time. She wanted to know the cause of such tormenting pain. What else could she do? He was her 

husband. It did not matter to her what he had done in the past. She only wanted him to be with her so she 

can walk again as a symbol of dignity and power in the same society where her husband was pretending 

to be someone else. There were many people in her life, but she loved him above them all. She tried to follow him on his way out, but Christopher was nowhere to be seen.

Christopher tried to catch his breath on the way. He was sweating, tired and just wanted to die. He 

was tired of pretending to be someone else, tired of living a life filled with regret. In fact, he was tired of his very presence on this earth

. He had been living a life which nobody knew existed. He stopped for a moment, looked around 

to see the emptiness of this filthy world where everything was burning in front of him. He gasped deeply, thinking of something -- he smiled, trying to tell himself that IT was the only way to live again. An act of self destruction for reconstruction.

He started running towards the nearby bridge below which a river was flowing with its full wrath. It 

was a place where monsters like him used to unveil their dark secrets. Some monsters would come 

back and some wouldn't. It was up to nature to decide. Everyone was treated according to severity of 

their actions and madness of their past. There was no thing such as "Injustice" in this part of the 

world. Hearings were heard and actions were taken immediately. In this place there was no mercy for 

cruelty but only for a mistake, a true mistake. In fact, in this part of world monsters like him used to find 

life by giving away their lives. Samantha knew where he would go. She came back and started her car 

and drove to the same place where she was expecting him to be. He was sitting on the edge of the 

bridge. "Christopher!" she rushed towards her husband. "Are you alright?" she asked with care, "You are 

scaring me. What happened?", but no answer came back. She was worried about him but Christopher 

was not responding to her questions. "Talk to me please, talk to me." she asked him in a calm tone trying 

to soothe him. 

Christopher with a smile on his face expressing his regret, told her "Samantha you don't know 

anything about me. After what I am about to tell you, you will understand everything and your love for 

me will be no more." then he took a deep breath as if remembering something "I killed him just because 

he was my best friend. I was badly involved in drugs those days. He told me many times to stop it but I 

was not ready for it. I told him to give me sometime and threatened him not to tell my family about this 

but he kept insisting that it was for my own good, that he wanted to help me and to put me out of this 

miserable life". Christopher looked at the sky and yelped loudly "But why? I told him not to do this but he 

did. He thought I was his friend and won't do anything else beside threatening him but what I did was the 

most terrible thing one can imagine. I went to his house where he was watching T.V and without thinking 

of consequences I pulled the trigger and few seconds later my best friend was lying on the floor". 

A moaning sound came out of Samantha's mouth. She was horrified to hear the story and wanted him 

to stop. Whereas Christopher's face was flushing with blood. A cold expression came over his face. He looked at her and said 

 "As soon as I killed him, his seven year old boy came out of his room and watching the blood of 

his beloved father he ran towards him".“But it was too late!” He sobbed and shouted at nobody in 

particular. He was shaking in rage, angry at himself, angry at his past, and angry at who he had become. 

“It was too late Samantha!” She looked away as he looked at her. “I was afraid! I had to do it, the boy … 

the boy had seen too much. I had to kill him too. I just … I just had to!” Samantha leaned back and got 

up as if she had seen something terrible, she was hoping that he was not her husband but someone else 

and all this was a dream and will be over soon.

Christopher without noticing the fear on the face of Samantha continued "Sometimes I wish....I wish 

I could rewind time like they do in movies.... Why do they give us hope when it is impossible." He took 

sand in his hands and playing with it slowly, letting it escape from his fingers totally showing he was not 

in his senses. He knew death was certain today but somewhere in his heart he was not ready for 

it. Samantha knew what he was trying to tell her by his awkward gestures. He was symbolizing his 

death, trying to tell her that he was no more her husband and she was free. Samantha's world was shook 

upside down. She tried to relax him but Christopher burst into tears and started moaning like Samantha 

had never seen him. "Where are you Richard? Free me from this hell". He was shouting wildly " Richard 

i know you are not dead, stop playing games, we are grown ups. Stop it....Please stop it ". He 

was behaving madly, his body was trembling and just when he was about to fall Samantha held him. 

"Stop it. Come home with me and we will figure this out." Samantha said in a calm voice taking him by 

his arm, trying to calm him.

Closing his eyes, he said in a resolute tone "There is no way out Samantha. This is the pit i dug very 

long time ago and now it is calling me, it's calling its owner. Why don't you understand taking someone 

else life is not easy, but for me it was too easy and that is what haunts me, it keeps me from sleeping." 

Samantha was looking at the man whom she had loved so much. She was watching him falling 

apart like an old building decomposing itself. Christopher in weak voice asked Samantha "Look 

Samantha....look at me and see the power of guilt, it has cursed me. This power will always catch you. It 

is independent of time. Look at me and see how it has ruined me slowly by taking away the peace from 

my soul." Christopher looked at the river and stood up,

 closing his fists together, "You know what to do now, just push me from this edge. Do this for me, 

give my soul some peace and free me from this miserable life."

Samantha knew the rules of this world. She also knew what he was asking. But she was not ready 

for it. Some hope was preventing her from that little push. But just then the whole story began to repeat 

in her mind. A child was asking her to help him. A voice of Richard echoed in her mind "Do 

justice, otherwise you will never find peace in your life". Fear of guilt got her that moment and after a 

long silence, with tear in her eyes, she said "I love you Christopher but what you have done is 

beyond forgiveness. I hope you find peace. I pray for your forgiveness." her voice was trembling. She was 

barely able to speak any word. She knew she was going against her will. Her voice was barely audible as 

she continued "I have known you for very long time and you have been very good to me throughout my 

life.....(sighs) but then there is justice; eternal and righteous." With these words she looked at him. He 

was smiling while a stream of tears was flowing down his furrow cheeks. 

Just when she was about to 

push him, Christopher stepped forward, raising his hands up for a prayer "God, have mercy on me, for all the sins i have done in my life." 

and jumped into the river. His body was crushed when it landed on a rock. The impurity of his soul was 

too much for this pure river. His merciless body was rejected and was thrown away on the bank of the 

river.

Now the world was calm but she was left upside down. World seemed to be falling apart in front of her. 

"Christopher! Christopher!" She started screaming like she was being ripped or murdered. She 

bent forward and pressing her palms on the soil looked at her Christopher, who was free from his 

miserable life but not the way Richard wanted. One more monster was lying down there with many 

others. Her Christopher abandoned her forever. In search of peace he took away the peace of Samantha 

and she was left alone with the guilt for not helping her husband.

Author's Note

The credit goes to Edmund A.E Reilly for helping me out. Thanks Edmund.
Please give feedback as it will help me to improve myself.

Reviews

[AliciaB]

Wow. This story is very intense. The way in which it is constructed makes for a fast-paced read, which compliments the theme of the inevitability of guilt and death. However, if you're looking for suggestions, I would say, slow things down a bit. Separate the dialogue instead of incorporating both voices into the same paragraph. Vary your sentence structure - there is already some variety present, but the majority of the story is rather short, choppy sentences. Again, these create an interesting tone of inescapability, but you can make things even more suspenseful and dramatic, as well as lend more interest to the piece overall, by varying the length of your sentences. Make certain phrases short. Add emphasis. Drop verbal "bombs." Draw out other sentences to almost-inconceivable length, adding detail after dramatic detail, building tension and suspense with every passing word and drawing your reader's attention deeper and deeper into the shocking situation unfolding before his or her eyes until finally, you reveal the ultimate significance of what has been said. (See what I did there?) :) I really like the image of the pit that is "calling to its owner", and the repetition of "It was too late" in regards to the murder is truly chilling, if you'll excuse the cliché. :) The twist at the end on the significance and cause of guilt is also intriguing. Overall, nicely written!

[Usman Muhammad]

Thanks Alicia for reading and reviewing my story. Your constructive review is very helpful and i can the areas where i should improve. Thanks a lot once again and i am glad you liked it.

[AliciaB]

You are most welcome! :)

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

Well a place where I think you must make changes-
"Samantha was looking at the man whom she had loved for 'her' whole life" and not "his whole life"- rectify this.
Now, talking of your story in general, you have expressed the feelings of regret and despondence very beautifully. I would peculiarly commend the situation that you created here. The ending is quite deep and clever. The pure river rejected the impure body of his- this is a well thought-out and well-expressed statement. You could have penned down a bit longer story and included in it the actual happenings which your Christopher recollects with deep sighs. It would have made this piece even better.
I will give it a 9 out of 10. Well-written, but there is scope of improvement. Keep writing.

[Usman Muhammad]

Thanks Vatsal for reading and reviewing my story and i am glad you liked it. I admit there is a lot to improve and i believe i can. So thanks once again for such humble review.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

You are most welcome.

[Flower]

Very intriguing. It definitely got me thinking about the concept of "an eye for an eye" in terms of ethics/morals and how that would translate in a real-life situation. However, I would have loved to know what jogged Christopher's memory to the point of such behavior. Great concept though!

[Usman Muhammad]

Thanks Golnaz for reading my story and i am glad you liked it.

[Emily]

I really like this!
Keep it up!!

[Miles W.]

A very good read. You put the characters in good situations that make us want to know more and more as we continue to read through this short story. Well done sir!

[Coyote Poetry]

A well-written and powerful story. I wanted to read and know more. You create situations, thoughts and dangerous situation. I liked the ending. Honest and direct. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[Usman Muhammad]

Thanks Coyote for your such humble review, i am glad you liked it.

[Coyote Poetry]

I did enjoy the tale and you are welcome.

[JayG]

Clearly, you, the storyteller, are explaining this story to the reader, using precisely the wording you would in a live performance, But the key word is performance. As a storyteller you use many tricks to add emotional content to the bare words. You use tone, cadence, intensity, and more. You whisper and you shout. You pause for dramatic effect and rush on for the same reason. But...no trace of that makes it to the page because the printed word does not reproduce sound.

When telling the story in person you show emotion with large things like body language and facial expression, that illustrate the necessary emotion. You visually punctuate your words with gestures. Even small things like a pause to sweep the audience with your eyes has meaning. But none of that makes it to the page, either. The only emotion the reader gets is what the words suggest to them, based on THEIR education, background, culture, and even age and gender.

For you, who know the story before you begin reading; who knows the characters intimately; who holds an image in mind of the setting and the people; who can hear your performance as you read; who is driven by intent, this works, and works well. But look at it from the viewpoint of a reader who knows only what the words, to any given point, mean to them.

• "Let me burn! Let me burn!"

An unknown person, who lives at an unknown time and situation, has, for unknown reasons, thought this (Tradition saus thoughts are in italics). But, is there the sound of buried sorrow in the words. Is it anger? It makes a huge difference in the feel of the words, but only someone who can hear you perform CAN know.

Yes, it's not a thought, but the reader can't know that, not even by ending with a comma to warn that a tag is coming. So with the first line the reader diverges in understanding from what you intend.

• He was looking perturbed that day.

To whom? You're not in the story or on the scene. So who is making this observation? And since we don't know anything about him, even his name, what context can the word "perturbed," have to the reader?

• Maybe there was something sinister haunting him so badly that he couldn't even pretend to live a normal life which he has been pretending to live for the most part of his life.

Look at the paradox here. The author knows everything about him, INCLUDING that he has been faking things for an unknown number of years, for unknown reason, yet this same omniscient person is GUESSING at why he's upset? How can that work?

Forgetting all else, clearly, using the techniques of verbal storytelling cannot work on the page because the medium doesn't support the needs of it. The reader gets our storyteller's script, but doesn't have the background and performance notes that would be necessary to place the emotion you intend into the words.

So, you're working hard, and you've given the story a lot of thought, but because our schooling includes zero training in the needs of fiction for the printed word, what you're doing here is pretty much what 50% of new writers do. The other half write the story like a detailed history, and that can't work either.

It's not that you're doing something wrong, or good/bad writing. It's that because no one tells us there's need for additional knowledge, we write using the skills we possess. And because it works when we read it, we end up scratching our heads and wondering what we're missing.

The good news? If you own the skills and knowledge of a pro the job not only gets easier, it becomes more fun. And the result is far more readable. But first, they must be acquired.

Make no mistake, it's no easier than was learning the skills you now own. In some ways it will be harder, because your present writing skills have been practiced till they feel intuitive, and will try to take control and "correct" what they view as bad writing. But that's a problem that every successful writer has faced. So it's no big deal.

My personal suggestions are to begin with this article. http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/art/scene.php It condenses the best method I've found for placing our reader into the scene as the protagonist—showing instead of telling.

Chew on it till it makes sense. It's worth the time. And if it seems like it's worth pursuing, look at the book the article is based on.

You might also wan to poke around in my blog's writing articles. They're based on the same book for the most part.

And a ray of sunshine mixed into the bad news: First, nothing I've said relates to you, your writing, or your potential as a writer. And second, if you are meant to be a writer you'll find the learning fun, like going backstage at the theater.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[wordman]

great story ~ interesting all the way through