The Transition

~Journal Entry~ Corresponds to "Mystery Boy"

His calm eyes gleamed with a tint of gold. No flaws appeared across his face, yet it was oddly pale. When he smiles, the whole room is blinded by his strangely perfect, white teeth. The boy has a temper, though. One that he is still learning to control. One simple mistake and his eyes, once shining with gold, now glow with deep pools of crimson. Dark veins emerge from from his pasty skin. He’s staring right at you, giving you a smile that sends shivers down your spine. You watch as sharp fangs grow to take the place of normal teeth. He walks towards you, knowing you’re the one he wants. Fear races through your body now that you have him all figured out.

Author's Note

Read "Mystery Boy" if you haven't already. This is a little journal entry that goes along with the story. :)

Reviews

[Wyrn Tiger]

I thought it seemed like only a peace of a whole. Could be like a cliff hanging ending to a book.

[Natasha]

Yeah, I was thinking of turning this into a story. It goes a long with my story, "Mystery Boy" , but I want to use this excerpt in a story.

[Pete]

strong, intense piece of writing. i've not read the story you reference but this sound like a fear or an internal demon that someone wrestles with perhaps ...

[Natasha]

Thank you! I try to make my writing intense

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A tint of gold, now that's a phrase, an idea, run with it, something incredible may await!

[Natasha]

Thank you!

[Author Gus]

I like the words that are just slightly off color. Such a dark crimson that I spent half an hour staring at this thing to make sure I wasn't crazy in thinking that they weren't just black. It adds a certain edge of real life uncertainty, a cool way to make the reader feel uneasy while reading.

[Natasha]

Wow, thank you! I do that with all of my poems to add a little.

[Glen's not so clean sla..]

I have yet to read the accompanying mystery boy work but I must say this stands on its own as a strong piece

[Natasha]

Really? Thank you! I really appreciate that. I try to make my descriptions very detailed and intense.

[Glen's not so clean sla..]

The description is brill and imagery terrifyingly good

[Hebe]

Hi Natasha... I've seen a few normal people, get the same way! Great imagery.

[Natasha]

Hahah, thank you

[barleygirl]

Good job of painting strong imagery with vivid word choices. This phrase: "giving you a smile that sends shivers" is passive voice . . . it can help make your writing more compelling if you use active voice instead: "grinning like a shiny knife blade prickling your spine" . . . otherwise nicely intense! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Natasha]

Thank you!

[Coyote Poetry]

Nice use of description. You made the reader think and figure out the answer. I like poetry that made the reader think and wonder. Thank you Natasha for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Natasha]

Thank you and me too!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome dear Natasha.

[Farhan Shaikh]

I like this anyway...and surely I will read
"Mystery boy".. thanks for sharing

[Natasha]

Thank you! Hope you like it