The Mountain

I lead you towards glorious times. This came to me in a dream, but it sounds too much like Cobalt's "A Starved Horror" for comfort.

Forsaken Ones rise out of the blackened sea.

Battered and broken from the rocks beneath.

Primitive shambles of Human beings.

With tusks in front of rows of nicotine teeth.

Their eyes locked in front a thousand yards.

To the mountain under a sky devoid of stars.

An Angel sings salvation and climb.

For I lead you towards glorious times.

Some turn back to that blackened sea.

The others, they start to climb.

Oh, how they climb so desperately.

Towards the Angel's promises of bread and wine.

As they climb, the mountain grows dark.

Under the veil the Siren is unmasked.

Fear strikes the Forsakens' dusty hearts.

As they look in the face branded with the Devil's mark.

The Siren's lies will leave them unpurified.

Her Cheshire grin taints the air.

A thousand yards, a climb unjustified.

But the Forsaken can no longer care.

Her vomit of blood rains upon their heads.

A figure closes the space to her.

Its tusks and nicotine teeth pierce her flesh.

And drops her to be swallowed by the Earth.

And she burns in holy agony.

Falling forever now, in the blackened sea.

The figure is Forsaken, but touched by divinity.

His hand goes down for the others to reach the peak.

As the Forsaken touch the base of the sky.

The tusks fall and the teeth turn white.

They dissipate to dust, while the Figure stays behind.

To look upon the now starry sky.

Author's Note

First attempt at poetry that rhymes.
I'm British, so words that don't rhyme in an American accent (dark/unmasked) do to me.
Don't be gentle, but be critical in a constructive manner.

Reviews

[Emily Feret]

Second place! What a strong piece of poetry. Thank you so much for letting me read it!

[T. Greyman]

No worries, thanks for the second place.

[Quexycyclops]

I have little knowledge of poetry and verse, however the imagery rendered is exceptional. The theme is also very captivating. I have never read Cobalt's work so the Forsaken Ones are left to imagination.... Metaphorical resemblance to demons perhaps? The imagination is left to itself, which I like. Overall a very entertaining read!

[T. Greyman]

Cobalt would be a Black Metal band, one of my favourites at the moment. Give them a listen if you're into that kind of music, if not their lyrics are still worth a read.
I usually draw inspiration from lyrics than anything else, being a musician myself.
I could explain the Forsaken Ones' resemblance but I'd rather leave things up for interpretation.

[Zone]

"Don't be gentle, but be critical in a constructive manner." It's like my first time...