Letter

Venting session

I could never wrap my head around what was real and when I say never I mean never. I grew up alone, you know the whole born alone die alone thing was really relevant in my everyday life until I realized I was capable of having company in between both of these lonely endeavors. Ive lost and found myself a bunch of times let it be known that when I was younger I wasnt sure who I was looking for. I have been told to soul search since I was a little girl and I wasnt exactly sure what anybody meant by this, so I just kept it pushing because life wasnt easy. What I know now I can definitely plug the pieces together, meaning hindsight is 20/20. I was put in hospital after hospital and I never knew why because I was always so quiet, but of course the quiet kid is the one you have to look out for, but I was the illest partner in crime. Anyways thats besides the point what I am getting at is that I have been in and out of psych wards since I was 16 years old making believe that I was crazy with the other patients just to make it out. I was more of the one who patrolled the hallways then the one who needed to be a reason for someone to patrol in the first place. I was always so confused because I was not crazy, but I would be called crazy and put away for years just because. Almost as if everything around me just kept aging and I couldnt keep up and then as I took a minute to look into the mirror I saw that I myself was aging as well and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I never played the victim though I always kept a smile on my face because things went so fast that I ended up processing things slowly not realizing that I had something to cry about while everyone around me asked how I kept standing. Then came the moment of truth.. The day my mother died and EVERY skeleton there ever was fell heavy on to me causing me to fall the floor with the burdens my mother had to carry on an everyday basis . It was petrifying yet sickening . Saddening yet made you angry like how didnt I know. Then you are left alone to your own devices to make something of yourself, which is exactly what I plan on doing. Some how some way down the road I will be known for making a difference because of my story. I just have to remember it first!

                                                               Love, Lady Bella