Here To Stay

The man's name was Vincent.
I knew nothing of him.
Given my reclusive personality, that alone should have driven me away.
There was a mystery about him, and I found myself with a strange attraction to him.
I approached him.
He did not seem to acknowledge my presence.
I could hardly see his face.
It was late in the night.
And his face was covered, by a curtain of dark blonde hair.
Through that thick veil, I could see his eyes.
Piercing and blood red.
Although his eyes were sinister, he did not look like a demon.
The moonlight crept across his skin, allowing me to see his beautiful face.

I spoke the first words.
Simply greeting him.
This made my presence obvious now.
He looked at me, with penetrating eyes that told a horrible story if you knew how to read it. I, did not.
He spoke with a deep tone and pervaded me with his words.

Vincent reached out for me then.
Latching on with an intimidating grip.
We drew close to each other, in a way I can't describe.
He said such enchanting things.
He shared his thoughts, opinions, and told me tales of his life.
I listened to the stories, both interested and suspicious.

I was able to recognize hidden meanings while he talked.
The things hidden beneath his words were malicious and resentful.
Since I met him I also noticed the menacing glances, so I did not deny the things I knew I heard.
But the things I couldn't understand only drew me closer. 

He only had one mission.
Whether or not he was aware of the things he would do, was not known.
But the demon inside of him already had his plans... to possess me.

He shut my eyes, so I would not have to see the terrible things he would do.
I was deprived of my senses, which was probably better for me.
The process had to be painful, though I could not feel any of it.
My world was black, and the only sound my ears were able to hear was the loud ringing inside of my head.
I couldn't breathe.
And I didn't know how long it would take until I would be allowed another breath.
My body was limp, as I was starting to remember less and less of what was happening.
I was fading out.

In the brief moment before this took place, I can remember the look on his beautiful face.
I remember the sky glowing with stars, the dark houses, the silence.

The dim moonlight hit my eyes, as I was finally able to see again.
I inhaled deeply, letting the cold night air rush into my lungs.
The world was turned sideways, as my head lay on the gravel.
I sat up to see clearly that I was alone, in the middle of the street.
Everything remained the same as before the possession, except for me.

The man the demon had inhabited before me, is still around.
He is still haunted every day...
The one that was forced upon me, was one of many.
They were demons created by Vincent himself.
Now one has been unleashed, a settled inside me...

This demon entered me, and fed.
I keep it satisfied with my negative thoughts and emotions.
All my pain.
This demon no longer belongs to Vincent.
It is now one of my own...

It is here to stay.

Reviews

[James Darrow]

Let me get the brief summary out of the way first, in case of TL;DR. The story was concise and very enthralling, a great read.

Now, onto the breakdown. Do note, this is mostly all subjective.

The theme of the story is an interesting one, in that it can be interpreted on both a literal and proverbial plane. It's also one of the things I find most fascinating about it as well, since it provides another method of examination. The use of the now more commonly accepted 'demon inside a man' take, instead of the more traditional 'pure' demon in physical form, helps bring out this aspect.

From the literal side of things, it is an interesting first-hand account of a possession. To see the enthrallment of a victim before possession and the downward spiral that they take, even if inadvertently, is a curious thing. Especially towards the story's end, it becomes an interesting idea to question what was done to/by the protagonist during the time they're withdrawn, or even how long it actually had been since the start of their possession.

From the proverbial side of things, it comes off as a story of a relationship between two people. From this side, the tone of the story takes on the perhaps slightly more sinister quality of the two. From this perception, the 'demon' is more the proverbial extension of traumatic aspects or events that 'Vincent' carries with him. The protagonist, from this perspective, can be interpreted as someone who, by their attachment to Vincent, ends up having to deal with his proverbial demons just the same as he does himself.

The inclusion of the note that the story takes place "On a cold, windy night in October" also helps draw parallels to Halloween. This single note also helps breath plausibility into the more literal take on the story, due to Halloween's generalized ties with the paranormal and occult. On the other hand, October is a strong indicator for when the weather starts taking a turn for the worse, possibly bringing out a darker atmosphere for the more proverbial take of the story.

On the technical side, there some slight issues. Sentences like "This demon entered me, and feed." and "Now one has been unleashed, a settled inside me... " have some small-scale spelling errors, but the meaning of the sentences is still clear despite them.

Some other sentences, perhaps, have a slightly different problem. I am a firm believer in everyone having a different take and style on their form of writing. That said, I noticed at least a few sentences starting with 'And', a conjunction. The use of a conjunction is to bind together two small sentences or meanings into a longer one. Opening a sentence with a conjunction, itself, has little meaning.

On the technical side in things, in summary, just even a quick read over out loud can quickly help identify these small issues. I, myself, am guilty of sometimes not taking the time to take such a step with my own works.

On a more subjective note, it felt like some of the sentences and paragraphs were hampered by the short length of their design. Take this section for example, "I could hardly see his face. It was late in the night.". It could easily be combined into a single longer, and perhaps better flowing sentence by some simple rearranging. "I could hardly see his face since it was late in the night." As an example.

With all of this said, I did still thoroughly enjoy the story very much. I think the time I read it, closing in on Halloween itself, helps amplify the tones of the story to me, in addition to my own love of things paranormal. Even if absolutely nothing else, I do not regret a single second I spent reading this story, thinking it over, and writing this review. It's stories like these that make me want to get better at crafting some smaller 'bite-sized' stories, rather than the longer-winded Novels In Progress that I write.

Please, do keep up the great work.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Deep and dark. Being a victim of a wicked man, a person usually cannot easily get out of the sad experiences which create a demon of himself.

Good job. :)

[Lexy]

Very good job. Your dialect in this piece is what caught my eye.

[Bats In The Belfry]

This is a very captivating and thought provoking foundation for a story to take place. People can relate to being in situations in life in which they fell victim to their on naivety and fighting their own life's demons.

I look forward to reading more!

[FugitiveBalloons]

WOW! I really enjoyed reading this. I did fine this to be creepy and personally I do hope you write more on this. I'll keep a look on your page and read all the other things you have on here. I like your style.

Creepy, but that is what makes it so interesting! I could easily see this turning into a continued story, but I like it as is. Very well done, and I look forward to reading your other works! :D