Diving In

An old man escapes from his care home, wanting only to realise his life long ambition, carry out a single perfect dive from the top diving board at the outdoor swimming pool.

Sid tried the door handle. It was unlocked. He smiled, the corners of his mouth turning upwards for the first time in years. It was like it was meant to be. He only hoped the fog wouldn’t descend again. He’d been alone in the hallway when he had one of his increasingly rare moments of lucidity. The dementia that was eating away at his brain had paused long enough for him to realise where he was and what he wanted to do, the last thing he really wanted to do.

By the time the fog descended again he was out the door, through the car park and shuffling along the pavement. He no longer remembered what he’d been so excited about just moments before but it didn’t matter anymore. He was travelling on automatic pilot, following the route he’d walked every Saturday and Sunday of his childhood, the tangy smell becoming more and more noticeable as he neared the sea, blown towards him on the wind.

In his mind he was twelve again, more than ninety years younger than he looked. He was in shorts and a tanktop, cap on his head, oversized shoes on his feet. He didn’t see bookmakers and charity shops lining the roadside as he walked, he saw Geoff in his butchers, waving through the window, old Mrs Garrett scowling from the sweetshop, the bakery that sold the sweetest iced fingers on the rare occasions he could afford one. He waved to Geoff, now a boarded up window as he hummed happily to himself.

It was a hot day and he was heading to the promenade to meet his friends at the open air pool. The sea would be blue green and shimmering in the light on one side and the towering clay cliff would be on the other. He was looking forward to it. Today he was going to do it.

He crossed the road by the fish and chip shop, oblivious to the blaring car horns and screeching brakes. He could hear the waves, the laughter of the other children, the splashing in the pool.

He started to think about the diving board again, as he did every time he headed this way. Every day he told himself he’d be brave enough to dive off into the pool. Eight year old Jenny Wilson did it last week. He was four years older than that. He had to be able to do it. But every time he’d stand next to it, looking at the steel rungs that climbed up into the sky he’d get that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and he’d have to turn away. Again and again it happened.

“Come and climb me,” the board called as he swam in the pool under it. “I’m not that high.” It seemed to watch him swim, its shadow always falling on him. He would watch the others, one hand over the other, climbing to the top, looking like ants so high above him. They’d step out to the edge, stretch upwards and then a little jump, a bounce and swooping down like diving falcons, arms pointing towards the water. The roar and splash and then they’d vanish underneath, ripples spreading towards Sid as he watched with envious eyes. He’d hold his breath and just when he was sure it had been too long, they’d reappear on the surface, laughing and smiling before joining the queue to do it all again.

He thought about last week. Last week he’d been so close. He’d made it to the top of the ladder, right at the end of the day. He’d shuffled out towards the end of the board, looking down at the pool that was a mere bucket of water so far down. How could he hit that? He’d miss and splatter on the prom for certain.

With his friends yelling him to do it, he’d tried, he really had but he couldn’t get his body to obey. In the end, with his face burning red, he’d climbed back down the ladder, trying to ignore the mocking taunts of everyone, everyone in the whole town, all there, all pointing and laughing at him.

He vowed he would do it next week, he’d climb up and jump in, just once. It would show him and them that he wasn’t a coward. He could do it.

The fog lifted as he reached the prom and he looked round for a moment, bewildered. Then he remembered and began to walk, thinking about his wife. Since she’d died twenty years ago he’d just been waiting to join her. Ten years of loneliness and then the holes starting to spread through his brain. It probably looked like a Swiss cheese by now. His knees were almost gone, his hips on the way out. He was surprised he’d been able to walk this far, he was in agony. But when his mind went, the pain went too. He hated being this old, reliant on others, soiling himself without realising, spending less and less time aware of what was going on. He was alone, he’d outlived anyone he’d ever cared about and he’d never jumped from the diving board.

Somehow if he could do it, just once, that would be enough. It would be no panacea but it would give him comfort. A lifetime’s ambition would be realised at last.

He ignored the people on the beach, the tourists enjoying the sunshine as he passed the sweeping bend of arcades, so noisy and garish, lights flashing. He made it round the sweeping curve of the bay to the end of the prom.

He was surprised and gladdened to see the pool was still there. The ladder towered above it as it had all those years ago. He was twelve again, pushing open the gate, looking round at all the other children swimming. Edward was shouting to him. “You can do it Sid!”

He smiled and nodded to a dented waste bin. “Thanks Eddie,” he croaked, his voice little more than a whisper. “Here I go.”

The railings round the pool area was freshly painted, everything looked sparkling and new. He eased himself onto the bench beside the ladder, not seeing the graffiti covering it, oblivious to the rusty fence behind it, only seeing a place to get changed.

He shrugged off his jumper and began wrestling with his shirt. In the end he had to tear the last two buttons off before setting it down on top of his jumper. He kicked off his shoes and spent several minutes contorting his body so he could remove his socks.

Once his trousers were off he was just a boy in shorts, about to enjoy a lovely swim to the sound of the ocean waves. He stood up and placed his hands on the first rungs of the ladder, craning his neck to see the top far above him.

He took a deep breath and then began to climb. He could hear a voice in the distance but he chose to ignore them. It sounded like someone telling him to stop but he was too close to stop now. He was going to do this.

It took a long time. Each step sent lancing pain through his hips and then his knees. Even his ankles seemed to throb after the first few rungs. His fingers were burning by the time he was halfway up. Someone shouted again. It sounded like, “Come down,” but it was hard to tell.

When he reached the top he let himself smile. This wasn’t going to be like last week. He was going to do it today. There was that person shouting again. He looked back down and squinted. His vision wasn’t great but he thought there were people down there. Was it Eddie cheering him on? They were starting to climb but they’d have to wait their turn. He was going first.

He stopped for a moment, waiting for the pain to subside. When he felt strong enough he began shuffling forwards, ignoring how slippery the diving board felt under his feet, using the railing to help him keep his balance.

He reached the tip of the board, letting go of the railing as his toes curled over the edge. He looked down and smiled, no backing out this time. He turned to face the ladder as the head of a man appeared at the top.

“Stop! You’re going to-”

“Don’t worry,” Sid smiled. “I only need to do it once.”

He held his breath and leaned backwards, letting gravity take him. He felt the wind rushing past his ears as he pointed his arms down towards the pool, feeling at last how the others must have felt all those years ago. This was why they did it again and again, laughing every time.

Once was enough for him. He was so happy he found himself laughing. It was like flying, lighter than air, the aches in his limbs forgotten. All his doubts about his ability to do it were gone, the heavy weight of failure was lifted. He’d done it at last.

He hit the bottom of the empty pool a second later, his neck snapping as his body slammed into the cracked tiles. He died instantly, his remains splattering amongst the weeds and discarded rubbish that had piled up in the pool since it closed. The diving board cast a long shadow over him, shielding him from the sun as people began to gather from the beach, muttering amongst themselves about how dangerous the old pool was, how the board should have been pulled down years ago, how this was an accident waiting to happen, how he might have survived if the water had been left in the pool or the fence secured. None of them knew that Sid had seen the empty pool when he’d arrived and he knew exactly what would happen when he climbed up the ladder for his last dive.