Quasidomo

It's hard to breathe with my heart in my throat.

With a worn out body and a pounding brain,

Holding the weight that I contain.

Hunched over and trying to straighten my back,

I feel like the American Atlas; yet power I lack.

So pile it on, feed my pain.

It's hard to lift your head with confidence slain.

I am the young freak of Notredame,

Forever cursed, Quasidomo is my name.

Shunned shaking hands; shoulders shied,

I shiver and teeth clatter inside.

Hold me tight I beg you please.

Dry me off don't be a tease.

If you wanted my love then why did you leave,

You gave up on me when all I did was believe.

Reviews

[Raymond Federle]

I enjoyed it all the way through. Well done Vamp! :)

[Reese P. Holmes]

It's a bit rough in the first paragraph, but I held out for the rest of the poem and was quite satisfied to have done so. I think it's the first sentence that feels a little out of place compared to everything else. It doesn't rhyme, then sends me off kilter when everything suddenly has a structure. I really enjoy all of the subtle wordplay going on here and the alliteration is exceedingly pleasing. I imagine with a little polish this would reach a higher level of amazing.