City Brush

The Fewtch

All the chaos

of a runaway

bus leaping

like a smile over

the green green grass,

like a grin bleeds

ripped silver

The exuberance

of length

almost over

shadowed by sardines

pressed screams under glass

Headlight eyes

bus eyes

your eyes

Lost and thrilling

A plane

losing altitude

somewhere over

DPRK

Reviews

[Gummy.G]

My favorite part in this - "Headlight eyes bus eyes your eyes lost and thrilling." So good, it reminds me of past times.

[luna rose]

I like it. Casually profound; the best kind of profound. I get a Bukowski-type nonchalance from your writing that is quite delicious... especially in regards to the heavy-hitting/ironic aspects of the topics you choose to write about. There's also an air of enigma that interestingly balances everything. It's incredibly enjoyable-- not pretentious or heady or stiflingly intellectual & fruity.

My favorite prose: "like a smile over/the green green grass/like a grin bleeds/ripped silver

I'm already a fan. Keep it up!

[faryn wolff]

this is a dream i had. i think i'm still dreaming it.

you're my favorite poet

[The Twin Arenas]

that has to be impossible

[faryn wolff]

not the imagery precisely, moreso the feeling it creates is reminiscent of the dream

although the bus is spot on

[The Twin Arenas]

weird man. same dreeeeeeaaaaaaaam. takes a real freak to dreamabout a runawaybus

[faryn wolff]

i have had many vivid dreams of runaway vehicles. my subconscious must love the symbolism.

[~]

Sad one Waconda. Reminds me of a pair of eyes I saw from an WWII imprisonment camp photo.

[marcus]

Your poems are, enigmatic. I liked this one, such chaos, could be love

[The Twin Arenas]

Thanks, Marcus. That's what I was going for. I write in broad strokes and stuff, but all I want is traces of the bigness of the things. Enough to resonate from a distance, like a garbage truck at work a few blocks over.

[marcus]

Yes!, that makes it more powerful

[KWP]

those poor sardines left screaming - no wonder their eyes remain wide open, looking somewhat in shock. Shall we have them on toast then?

this keeps you right there on the page - this is why I am drawn to it - with the end of each stanza I am almost begging for the next - almost sexual in a way ...

I love it - especially with my confusion with the last four letters - well done - awesome XX

[The Twin Arenas]

look up them last four.

[KWP]

Ahh ok - but I think I will go with Dangerous Planet Region Krypton / hahah X

Kidding - love Ya work X

[The Twin Arenas]

Same diff. DPRK is totally Dangerous Planet Region Krypton. Goin' for the unknown.

[Sydney]

You're writing style is very different, but I love trying to get the meaning out of it. I feel the passion in your words which makes each and every one special and thrilling. Thanks for sharing

[The Twin Arenas]

thanks, syd.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you capture that feeling of going down---poetically relaying the inner thoughts of those knowing that their lives are in a silver bird whose wings have been clipped...and the ground is beckoning.

you create suspense with these lines and don't let us down at the end.

kind of an allegory...but then...kind of what it is.

life is a series of crash landings.

[The Twin Arenas]

based on an image I had of a bus gone awol, but in an almost cartoon way, wherein the wheels become little rubber legs bent at the hub. Fascinated by mass transit of transients right now.

[Brinleigh Bailey]

The suspense up until the end was thrilling. In my opinion, the last two stanzas are the highlight of the poem. I love "Headlight eyes, bus eyes, your eyes, lost and thrilling" really beautiful. Then of course the last line, clever. Well done.

[The Twin Arenas]

Thanks, Brin. I don't know how I feel about it. Truth be told, I haven't written much since my last entry here, for whatever reason. There's something there. I don't think it's finished. The idea of transience and buses is something that I think I want to ring like a facecloth. Anyway, thanks for the read. It's not my best stuff. Warm up pitches before a start, I figger.

[Brinleigh Bailey]

Most writers go through that I don't necessarily know how I feel about it phase in pieces that they write. Particularly searching for any flaw or way to make it better. If it helps at all, I really thought it was good.

[The Twin Arenas]

Oh, I know it's good ;)
Just not there yet. First drafts are disgusting smears, but you gotta squeeze 'em out. Kind of the best thing about this site.

[Brinleigh Bailey]

Haha, well I hope you get there. :)