How not to Kiss the Girl

So...while my hands traced snake paths on skin, heated with weeks of admirable restraint or hours of too much sun (Still can't tell which), and while my lips and tongue begged to taste this, taste that, and (oh please) just a little bit more, I thought of a thousand and one things to regret.  A hundred what if's pecked at my mind, along with a hundred each of shoulda, coulda, and woulda.  And for each of those three there were twice as many why didn't I's, why haven't I's, and why can't I's.  Not to mention a single, ever-present 'You shouldn't be doing this.' flashing in bright neon lights.

 

And that's about when I said 'F**k it' and did away with the thoughts and wrapped myself up in the present.  You see, I've been, for the most part, a good man.  I've been a dedicated follower of the golden rule.  I've been a polite upstanding fellow and a nice guy with a track record of finishing last, as nice guys are won't to do.  For just this once I decided I ought to have what I wanted, even with the limitations that came with the circumstance.  I deserve it by now, don't I?

We sighed together, though probably for different reasons.  And outside the music stopped and the night itself sighed, sending a fresh, cool breeze rustling through the trees, through the windows and against our shared skin.  "It's going to rain" she said with a smile.  "No," I replied, almost pleading.  "No, it can't rain."  Because if it did rain, and if it really was my burgeoning self-will that left my skin so hot, then by the time the rain began to beat against the dust choked street we'd both be rapt in a conflagration of passion, setting her damned rules ablaze along with what little inhibitions we were both...just barely...hanging on to.

 

It didn't rain that night, thankfully.  I gathered memories for my own intangible collection and concentrated on sopping up every valuable moment I could, while I could.  And occasionally lips brushed lips...but nothing more.  For the first time in a long, long time I slept soundly; never tossing, never stirring, never needing to reach out desperately for something I could gather to myself and hold onto.  And I didn't torture myself with the thought that I may not get the chance to do it again.  I simply stayed in that moment and allowed myself to be...happy.

 

The next morning, I stared at the empty space next to me, still warm from her sleeping in the same spot, tucked in next to me, all night.  Something told me to look up and I spy the rain through the window.  Rain refracting fiery sparks of morning sun.  That's just the way it'll go too.  The rain will come after she's already left, leaving me with little more than the memories I've made.

Reviews

[Sarah Williams]

An enchanting and poetic write! I enjoyed the feelings this one inspired...the calculatingly timid way that he stumbles around "what is right" and "what he shouldn't do" in order to keep his title of "good man". I find that people often do this...try to put themselves in a place where they can remain moral and just, and yet there heart is begging to them to taste the passion of something new. Nicely written!

[prettyzombiegirl]

I like this a lot! Inspires so much emotion because i can relate to it. I could almost feel as if i were there. This is great stuff man.