Simple Lullaby

Simple Lullaby

A Poem by Hannah Rose
"

In search of a calming thought, soothing feeling to follow me into my dreams.

"
I'm rocking in a boat
Bundled in comfort the waves gently cuddle my bed
The stars and moon rest above my head
They sing to me,
A lovely song
They talk to me,
Till the dark is gone
But now it's light, and they've kept me up all night
I must find a simple lullaby

It is snowing
I'm cocooned in warm blankets,
Flakes falling gently
Each one with its own design,
Own complexities,
Just like each living entity,
The sun rises,
I must find a simple lullaby

I’m nestled in a bed of grass,
A crib built by green blades
high in a tree on the edge of a cliff,
On the edge of a jungle
Listening to the nightly sounds rumble,
Full of life cultivated by the cluster of greens,
And beyond the cliff is only a silent desert
And I rest between,
High away from danger, the sound and silence comforts,
But can such danger climb, and can my branch fall,
and in the morning will the desert sun scorch my skull?
Unseemly nightmares have stollen my dreams
Light peaks the horizon,
I must find a simple lullaby

Now where I've gone
With all my searching my mind is undone
I'm gathering it once again before I rise
I'm annoyed by the circles beneath my eyes
I must find a simple lullaby





© 2018 Hannah Rose



Author's Note

Hannah Rose
My grammar sucks I know. I apoligoze profusely, and feel free to point out all problems. I am grateful for any and all feedback.

My Review

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Featured Review

Well I can't comment much on the grammar of this (perhaps some punctuation would help the readers know which thoughts go with which lines), but the only real problems are in Stanzas 2 and 3 (which in themselves are banalities). Of course, first thing's first: this poem is divine! It has good strong imagery and a superb theme, with a great musicality to boot. I would suggest these tweaks, however:

Stanza 2 Line 7 is unnecessary. Simply change "identity" in Line 6 to "entity" and then straight into "the sun rises" (you could keep "identity", as is, but I was more showing you that you could essentially imply what you say in Line 7 by doing the change).

Stanza 3 Line 7 would have better musicality without "the tip of", simply say "beyond the cliff....."

Stanza 3 Line 10 can have a line break after "fall", for that idea that comes after is not particularly the same thought as the one that comes before (also, it's advisable to not have too lengthy lines in poetry).

Why don't Stanzas 3 and 4 end with the "I must find a simple lullaby"? Or at least Stanza 4? It's advisable in poetry to repeat the refrain, especially at the end, for the refrain is its main theme, and it's therefore one of the more powerful lines of the poem. Without it, the ending appears anticlimactic.

This poem is otherwise beyond words (I'm not particularly fond of Free Verse, to be honest, but I have read some really good ones, and this one in particular is up there on my fave FV poems. This made me feel!). Well freaking done!

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hannah Rose

2 Weeks Ago

Haha thanks😆
emipoemi

2 Weeks Ago

Now that's what I'm talking about!! :)
Hannah Rose

2 Weeks Ago

😆 Yay! Thanks!



Reviews

I never imagined insomnia could sounds so soothing. The imagery in this work is something to be applauded! Lovely poem, well done. :)

Posted 4 Days Ago


Hannah Rose

4 Days Ago

Thank you!
[send message][befriend] Subscribe
Zoe
The descriptions created quite vivid images. Caught a whiff of soothness, freshness while I read this. Wonderfully written!

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Hannah Rose

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you! I’m glad I was able to paint a picture!
Zoe

2 Weeks Ago

No worries!
I think this is really good, you write with descriptiveness and wonderful imagery

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Hannah Rose

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you!
Reading this feels like you're looking for inner peace.also reading this I can see the words being painted in my head with broad strokes.you choose your words wisely

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Hannah Rose

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you! I’m glad I was able to paint an image!
Well I can't comment much on the grammar of this (perhaps some punctuation would help the readers know which thoughts go with which lines), but the only real problems are in Stanzas 2 and 3 (which in themselves are banalities). Of course, first thing's first: this poem is divine! It has good strong imagery and a superb theme, with a great musicality to boot. I would suggest these tweaks, however:

Stanza 2 Line 7 is unnecessary. Simply change "identity" in Line 6 to "entity" and then straight into "the sun rises" (you could keep "identity", as is, but I was more showing you that you could essentially imply what you say in Line 7 by doing the change).

Stanza 3 Line 7 would have better musicality without "the tip of", simply say "beyond the cliff....."

Stanza 3 Line 10 can have a line break after "fall", for that idea that comes after is not particularly the same thought as the one that comes before (also, it's advisable to not have too lengthy lines in poetry).

Why don't Stanzas 3 and 4 end with the "I must find a simple lullaby"? Or at least Stanza 4? It's advisable in poetry to repeat the refrain, especially at the end, for the refrain is its main theme, and it's therefore one of the more powerful lines of the poem. Without it, the ending appears anticlimactic.

This poem is otherwise beyond words (I'm not particularly fond of Free Verse, to be honest, but I have read some really good ones, and this one in particular is up there on my fave FV poems. This made me feel!). Well freaking done!

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hannah Rose

2 Weeks Ago

Haha thanks😆
emipoemi

2 Weeks Ago

Now that's what I'm talking about!! :)
Hannah Rose

2 Weeks Ago

😆 Yay! Thanks!

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5 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on January 3, 2018
Last Updated on January 4, 2018
Tags: Sleep, insomnia, lullaby, poem

Author

Hannah Rose
Hannah Rose

TN



About
I am 20, a barista, and a student. I plan on teaching English as a second language in a foreign country after graduating college, and I love to write. I am also a Christian and hope to use my writing .. more..

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