Like human beings.

Poem - ATC

I said goodbye, and never

left - I swallowed lullaby

and answered phone calls

with a voice, neither

good nor bad.

 

Mary said, its not a life

like that, I thought she

lied and painted pictures

of flowers in bright

sunlight, and gave them

 

names (like human beings).

I held boys like pillows,

never leaving lipstick

on pale girl's cheeks -

sleeping and starving

 

I smoked my life away.

Reviews

[Bluemerlin]

I am not sure what to take away from this. There's a story being told, and I feel dense for not understanding what it is. There bits and pieces support themselves in a quip-ish way, such as the sting of recognition the last three lines of the first stanza give me. There is something much more real about the lack of emotion after pain (whether its from breaking up, being alone, or what have you) than tears and outright sadness.

The last line is very recognizable to me. I don't know how literally you intended it, but I think it has a sort of dual personality; literally in that it is easy to smoke away all of your time, metaphorically in that I can imagine a person standing, burning their history and present day away in a cloud of unrecoverable smoke. If you're lucky, you can still see the foggy image of the days gone by, but they are away in the wind and untouchable.

Good stuff, even if I have trouble taking the individual moments and piecing them into the whole. There's something underlying here, buried I think in that second stanza that makes me pause, but regardless this poem is soft, whimsical, and relatable

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you kindly for such an extensive review :) please take what you will from this poem to make it your own.

[Beau Maysey]

I like this, it sounds like a confessional poem with a lot of truth put into it.
I am a bit confused who 'pale girl' is, but I like the imagery presented- "I held boys like pillows" gives me a distinct picture. Nice job! :D

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you beau :):)

[alltheloveabove]

Very interesting! :)
I really admire your style of writing.

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Cheers, glad you like it :)

[Angie G]

Interesting. Love it! Really enjoy your writing.

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you :)

[ANM]

It brought images of two spinster sisters living together letting there lives fade away. Very well written Ally, the image is everything!

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you ANM =D

[ANM]

You are welcome I got the enjoyment you did the work! Hmm heard that before ha ha

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

I am drunk, but that sounds so dirty haha

[ANM]

I realized after I had put it hence the hmm comment!

[Tom Lumsden]

"sleeping and starving" tell me all about it sister you tried giving names are those boys human being?
Mary has a name. Have a cigarette on it. Me two. Me three. What a real poem. THANKS!!!!!

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

wow thanks a lot :)

[Makayla]

wow, this is beautiful. well done.

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you :)