My estuary (revised)

My estuary

Teary eyes

a lake could fill,

a dam collects,

a river spilled.

Tears of love,

feelings that grew,

drops of sadness,

red eyes blue.

Reviews

[V]

Nicely rhyming one, though sad. But I think your choice of words was thoughtful and matching the theme. Well-written, though I have a tiny little critique, it just struck my mind and disturbed my reading (flow); I think you should maybe just leave out the word "that" in the last line of the first stanza because it unnecessarily lengthens the rhythm/the line, disturbs the tune a bit, somehow.

[andrew mitchell]

Thanks I will. It does sound better

[V]

Thanks for following my advice. :)

[andrew mitchell]

No thank you for your good advice:):)

[V]

You're welcome :)