DOLLFACE

TONY ROBERTS NEEDS CONTRACTS SIGNED BY HARDY JEEVES,THE OWNER OF A COMPANY TONY 'S COMPANY JUST BOUGHT. BUT HE HAS NO IDEA HOW STRANGE JEEVES AND HIS FAMILY IS WHEN HE MEETS THEM.

CHARACTERS

TONY ROBERTS: BUSINESSMAN

HARDY JEEVES: OWNER OF

SWEETLAND POTATO CHIP COMPANY

MARNIE JEEVES: HARDY'S WIFE

DELANY JEEVES: HARDY'S DAUGHTER

GIRL IN THE ATTIC

PLACE: TONY ROBERTS HOTEL ROOM,

THE JEEVES HOUSE,

AND THEIR ATTIC

TIME: PRESENT

DOLLFACE

ACT ONE

In the hotel room of Tony Roberts is a single bed, a dresser, a TV.

He is lying on his bed, laptop beside him. Suitcase is open and on the

floor,clothes litter the room. His shirt is open, he is sweating

from head to toe. The flicker from the TV is bright, the only lighting is from a lamp

on a table beside the bed. His cellphone is by the lamp.

He seems bored, remote in his hands, changing

stations on the TV.

His cellphone rings. The ring tone is theme to The Sting.

He let's it play out before answering it.

TONY

HELLO.

(Pause.)

WHAT'S UP FRANK?

(Pause.)

NO. JEEVES WONT SEE ME.

(Pause.)

MARK SLADE

HE DOESN'T SEE ANYONE. HE'S A RECLUSE.

(Pause.)

WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?

(Pause.)

I'M NOT JOKING.

I'VE BEEN IN THIS STINKING HOTEL ROOM

FOR TWO WEEKS AND THE JERK WONT SEE ME.

(Pause.)

I'M NOT KIDDING.

WHY AM I HERE AGAIN?

(Long pause.)

AH.

WE REALLY DON'T NEED TO NEGOTIATE THAT.

(Pause.)

OLD MAN WILLIFRED CAN KISS MY A*S. BETTER

YET, HE CAN COME DOWN HERE IN THE SWEALTERING HEAT

AND GET THE BUSINESS FROM THIS NUTJOB.

(Pause.)

FRANK, THE AIR CONDITIONING IS BROKEN IN

THIS HOTEL ROOM.

(Pause.)

DOLLFACE

I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE ELSE BECAUSE OLD MAN WILLIFRED

OWNS THIS SLEAZY HOTEL AND IT'S FREE. YOU SHOULD KNOW

THIS, YOU'RE HIS NUMBER TWO IN WINGROUP LLC.

(Pause.)

VERY FUNNY, FRANK. THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT. HIS DAUGHTER

IS SUEING ME FOR DIVORCE.

(Pause.)

PLEASE. DON'T JUDGE. YOU'VE HAD EVERY SECRETARY

YOU'VE HIRED ON THAT DESK AS WELL AS I HAVE.

(Pause.)

OLD MAN WILLIFRED HASN'T GOTTEN IT

UP SINCE EISENHOWER WAS IN OFFICE. BACK THEN SEX

WASN'T INVENTED YET.

(Pause.)

I'M DOING MY BEST. WHY IS THIS CLAUSE SO IMPORTANT

TO EITHER OF THEM?

(Long pause.)

WELL, JEEVES DID BUILD THAT CHIP COMPANY FROM

THE GROUND UP. I THINK HE'S ENTITLED TO WHATEVER HE WANTS AS

LONG AS YOU GET SWEETWATER.

(Pause.)

MARK SLADE

I KNOW WILLIFRED WANTS THE BOTTLED WATER COMPANY

SWEETWATER IS THE PARENT COMPANY OF.

(Pause.)

WELL, OLD MAN WILLIFRED DID TRY TO USE THE HOSTILE

TAKEOVER METHOD. LEGAL TROUBLES ASIDE, IT WAS NOT A GOOD MOVE.

(Pause.)

FRANK....

AM I NOT GOOD AT MY JOB?

(Pause.)

STOP LAUGHING, WILL YOU? I'VE BEEN WITH THIS COMPANY

FOR SIX YEARS. THREE OF WHICH WAS MARRIED TO

THAT DEMON WOMAN OF A DAUGHTER OF WILLIFRED'S.

PURE HELL, FRANK. I'VE ROSE UP THROUGH THE RANKS

LIKE A SHOT, AND REGRETTED EVERY MINUTE OF

THIS LOUSY JOB. SHOULD'VE STAYED IN THE

TRENCHES.

I'LL GET THE NUTJOB TO INCLUDE THE BOTTLED WATER

COMPANY. I'LL BREAK HIM.

(Pause.)

DOLLFACE

YES. APPARENTLY SO. MR. JEEVES HAS NOT

STEPPED FOOT OUTSIDE HIS MODEST HOME IN YEARS.

NEITHER HAS HIS FAMILY.

NUTJOBS.

THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE, FRANK. HE'S NEVER BEEN

INSIDE THE OFFICE BUILDING HE BUILT TEN YEARS AGO.

(Pause.)

OH NO.

I'M NOT DOING THAT.

I ONLY MEET IN PROPER PLACES.

(Pause.)

YES. THAT'S RIGHT, STRIP JOINTS OR

COFFEHOUSES. HARDY JEEVES DOES NOT CONDUCT

PROPER BUSINESS RELATIONS, IN MY OPINION.

(Pause.)

YOU'RE LAUGHING AGAIN.

(Pause.)

IS THAT WHAT WILLIFRED SAID?

MARK SLADE

MMMM.

THEN I WILL GO TO HARDY JEEVES HOUSE, GET HIM

TO SIGHN THE CLAUSE.

WHATEVER MASTER WILLIFRED WISHES, IS MY COMMAND.

(Pause.)

THAT'S NOT FUNNY, FRANK.

(Pause.)

I KNOW HE HAS A DAUGHTER.

SO WHAT?

NO MORE YOUNG GIRLS. I'VE SWORN

THEM OFF.

LOOK, I THINK I SHOULD GET OFF HERE.

GET SOME SLEEP. GOT AN EARLY DAY.

(Pause.)

FRANK...YEAH. WHATEVER.

(Closes lid on his cellphone. Sighs.)

DOLLFACE

EVERYTHING IS DAMN JOKE

TO YOU, FRANK.

(Reaches under the bed, pulls out a

bottle of whiskey. Pops the top off.

THE JOKE'S ON YOU, A*****E.

(Takes a large swig. Makes a face.)

OLD MAN WILLIFRED HATES YOUR GUTS.

ALWAYS HAS.

(Drinks more from the bottle. Grits his teeth.)

LIFE IS A JOKE.

(Lays on his right side, hugging the bottle to

his chest. He closes his, begins to

drift off.)

LIFE.

IS.

A.

JOKE.....

(Curtain.)

MARK SLADE

ACT TWO

The Jeeves living room is small, modest. There is a small couch

and two easy chairs on either side of the couch. There is a coffee table

in front of the couch.

An old china set sits on the coffee table as does a box of cookies.

Hardy Jeeves is sitting in his chair reading a book of Edgar Allan Poe.

His wife Marnie is peaking through the curtains. His daughter Delany

is sitting on the couch perfectly still.

HARDY

(Reading.)

STOP LOOKING OUT, WILL

YOU?!

MARNIE

( Nervously fixes the curtain back.)

I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD'VE

INVITED HIM HERE.

DOLLFACE

HARDY

(Eyes still on the book.)

I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

(To Delany.)

SHE ALWAYS UNDERMINDS ME.

I HAVE RUN A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR

COMPANY BEFORE. SHE HAS NEVER

GIVEN ME ANY CREDIT.

MARNIE

(Peaking out the window.)

YOU ARE A GOOD BREAD WINNER. I HAVE

ALWAYS SAID THAT.

HARDY

(Still reading.)

GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW, PLEASE!

MARK SLADE

MARNIE

(Closes curtains.)

DON'T SHOUT!

YOU'LL DISTURB DELANY.

HARDY

(Looks at Delany briefly. Then back to his book.)

WHAT IN BLAZES IS SHE DOING?

MARNIE

(Rubbing her hands nervously.)

MEDITATING IN SILENCE.

SHE SAYS ONLY HER GODS APPRECIATE

SILENT PRAYER.

HARDY

(Looks up. Bewildered.)

CAN A GOD HEAR A SILENT

PRAYER?

DOLLFACE

(Back to his book.)

SOUNDS LIKE RUBBISH

IF YOU ASK ME.

MARNIE

AT LEAST SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT

HER AFTERLIFE.

HARDY

RUBBISH.

(Pause.)

SHE HAS A NEW RELIGION

EVERY WEEK.

LOAD OF RUBBISH. IT'S

ALL THAT INFLUENCE FROM YOUR

MOTHER.

MARK SLADE

MARNIE

PLEASE..CAN WE NOT FIGHT

OVER MY MOTHER FOR ONE

NIGHT. IT'S NOT POLITE

TO SPEAK ILL OF THE DEAD.

(Pause.)

RUBBISH.

MARNIE

I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY

YOU HAD TO AGREE TO MEET

WITH THAT MAN.

HARDY

YOU DO KNOW WHY.

AFTER ALL IT'S ALL JUST

BUSINESS.

DOLLFACE

MARNIE

YOU SAY THAT ABOUT

EVERYTHING.

THE WORLD

IS FALLING APART AT THE SEAMS..

YOU SAY,

(Mocking Hardy's voice.)

“IT'S JUST BUSINESS.”

MY MOTHER DIED,

YOU SAY,

(Again, mocking his voice.)

”IT'S JUST BUSINESS.”

HARDY

WHAT DO YOU THINK THE WORLD

IS MADE UP OF?!

(Pause.)

WELL?!

(Pause.)

MARK SLADE

HARDY

BUSINESS!

YES! THAT'S EXACTLY

WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO AROUND.

WILL YOU GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW!

WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS THINK?

MARNIE

THEY'LL THINK MY

HUSBAND IS A MANIAC. SCREAMING ALL

THE TIME.

DELANY

(Sighs.)

MUST YOU TWO DO THIS

EVERY NIGHT?

HARDY

AH...SHE COMES BACK TO THE LIVING.

DOLLFACE

DALANY

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU

WANT TO CALL THIS HOUSEHOLD.

I THINK YOUR BOTH NUTS

MARNIE

SEE WHAT YOU DID? YOU

DISTURBED MY BABY.

HARDY

WILL YOU STOP REFERING

TO HER AS THAT?

SHE IS TWENTY-THREE YEARS

OLD.

MARNIE

(Looking up dramatically, hands to heaven,)

SHE WILL ALWAYS BE MY BABY.

MARK SLADE

DELANY

I TAKE THAT BACK.

THE TWO OF YOU AREN'T NUTS.

NO.

YOUR CERTIFIABLE CRAZIES!

HARDY

DON'T TALK TO YOUR MOTHER

THAT WAY.

MARNIE

(Pleading.)

DON'T SPEAK ABOUT YOUR FATHER

THAT WAY, BABY.

DELANY

STUFF IT, BOTH OF YOU!

I HAVEN'T BEEN OUT OF THIS HOUSE IN

TEN YEARS.

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

DOLLFACE

MARNIE

(Looking through the curtains.)

A MAN IS COMING UP THE WALK!

HARDY

HE'S COMING?

(Back to his book.)

DIDN'T ACTUALLY BELIVE

HE WAS.

DELANY

IS HE HANDSOME, MOTHER?

MARNIE

(Bites her lower lip.)

NOT EXACTLY...

HE REMINDS ME OF A CHIMP.

MARK SLADE

(Delany sprints over to the window, overjoyed.)

MARNIE

(Thinking for a second.)

I'M NOT SURE WHY.

(Pause.)

HE'S GOING TO RING THE BELL!

(Marnie moves from the window,

laughing uncontrollably.)

Hardy

(Rises from his chair, dropping the book to

the floor.)

I'LL ANSWER IT.

(To Delany.)

GET HER AWAY FROM THERE!

(Delany leads a hysterical Marnie

to the couch, trying to calm her down.

DOLLFACE

(Hardy stands by the door at an attention.

The doorbell rings. No movement.

Rings again. He still stands there.

After the third ring, in robot motion

Hardy answers the door. He walks

offstage to the right.)

HARDY

(Offstage.)

YES?

TONY

(Offstage.)

HELLO. I'M TONY ROBERTS.

I'M HERE TO TALK ABOUT

SWEETWATER?

MARK SLADE

HARDY

YES.

(Pause.)

I SUPPOSE YOU BETTER

COME IN.

(Tony enters with Hardy behind him.)

TONY

YOU HAVE A VERY NICE HOUSE

HERE. BUT I HAVE TO ASK, WHY SO SMALL?

OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE ENOUGH MONEY

FOR A MANSION----

HARDY

(Gruff.)

MONEY IS NOT THE PROBLEM,

MR. ROBERTS.

OTHER COMMITMENTS KEEPS US HERE.

DOLLFACE

TONY

(Slight apologetic smile.)

OF COURSE.

(Pause.)

HARDY

(Going to his chair.)

SIT DOWN, MR. ROBERTS.

(Clumsily sits.)

THIS IS MY WIFE, MARNIE.

MY DAUGHTER, DELANY.

TONY

(Sits on the small couch in the middle of them.)

PLEASED TO MEET YOU BOTH.

(Pause.)

MARK SLADE

(Marnie keeps a hand over her mouth

stifling a laugh.

Delany is practically undressing Tony with her

eyes.)

TONY

(Uneasy.)

MMM...

I THOUGH YOU WOULD

NEVER SEE ME.

HARDY

I HAD NO INTENTION

OF SEEING YOU.

SOMETHING INSIDE ME

TOLD ME OTHERWISE.

DOLLFACE

TONY

I GUESS WE SHOULD GET

DOWN TO BUSINESS, THEN.

MARNIE

(Giggling.)

DO YOU LIKE

GOAT HEAD CHEESE,

MR. ROBERTS?

TONY

I DON'T KNOW--

HARDY

YOU THINK THE MAN

LIKES THAT SORT OF THING?

MARK SLADE

DELANY

I'M NOT ON

MY PERIOD.

TONY

(Shocked.)

THAT'S JUST

GREAT....

HARDY

CAN WE TALK ABOUT

BUSINESS?

MARNIE

THAT'S ALL YOU

THINK OF!

DOLLFACE

HARDY

MY DEAR WE'VE ALREADY

HAD THIS ARGUMENT.

DELANY

(Touching Tony on the elbow.)

I LIKE IT DOGGY STYLE...

I CAN FEEL SENSATIONS IN

MY STOMACH.

TONY

(Smiling huge.)

IS THAT SO...

MARNIE

IF ONLY YOU

WOULD THINK OF

SOMETHING ELSE!

HARDY

(To Tony.)

MY WIFE IS AN EMBECILE.

SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND

THE WORLD.

TELL HER.

THAT'S THE ONLY THING

THAT MATTERS.

TONY

WELL...REALLY...I GUESS..

DELANY

YOU CAN F**K ME IN MY BED IF YOU WANT.

MARK SLADE

HARDY

LIFE IS NOTHING MORE THAN

A BUSINESS MEETING.

GOD IS THE ULTIMATE

BUSINESSMAN.

MARNIE

CAN'T WE TALK OF NICE THINGS? LIKE THE

SUN COMING UP ON A SPRING DAY...

HARDY

MY WIFE IS A BIT OF A ROMANTIC.

(Pause.)

SHE'S ALSO A VERY STUPID WOMAN.

DOLLFACE

MARNIE

(Taking offense. She stands.)

I HAVE A DOCTRINE IN LITERATURE!

HARDY

(Laughing.)

AS YOU SEE, MY DEAR,

THAT IS NOTHING IN COMPARISON TO

AN MBA IN BUSINES.

MARNIE

OH! YOU INFURIATE ME!

HARDY

GOOD.

GET SOME SENSE

OUT OF YOU YET.

MARK SLADE

DELANY

I HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN A LONG TIME.

FATHER WONT LET ME DATE.

TONY

REALLY I JUST CAME HERE TO

TALK OVER THE CONTRACTS

OF THE SALE OF SWEETWATER.

HARDY

(Rises slowly, enraged.)

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

TONY

UM...

THE SALE OF SWEETWATER?

HARDY

NEVER!

DOLLFACE

HARDY

(Pause. He points a finger

in Tony 's face.)

I BUILT THAT COMPANY

WITH MY BARE HANDS.

MY SWEAT, BLOOD, AND TEARS.

MONEY I CONNED AN OLD SPINSTER

AUNT OF MINE.

I WOULD NEVER SELL SWEETWATER, MY

BOY!

TONY

(Confused.)

YOU ALREADY ARE IN

TALKS WITH MY BOSSES

ABOUT---

HARDY

DID YOU HEAR ME!?

MARK SLADE

(Pause.)

TONY

THIS IS FARCE.

YOU PEOPLE ARE PUTTING ME

ON.

(Pause.)

MARNIE

OH!

I ALMOST FORGOT.

I MADE SOME NICE GAUCOMOLE

DIP AND CHIPS.COME HELP ME BRING IT

IN, DELANY.

(Marnie and Delany exit.)

DOLLFACE

(Tony and Hardy are not enjoying

an uncomfortable silence.)

HARDY

(Wipes his chin.)

I DON'T KNOW

ABOUT THINGS ANYMORE.

(Pause.)

THERE WAS ONCE A MAN I KNEW.

HE...UH...DID SOMETHING AWFUL.

IN THE NAME OF...BUSINESS...

PROSPERITY.

(Pause.)

HE THOUGHT HE WAS

DOING THE RIGHT THING

FOR EVERYONE.

HE TOOK PROPERTY FROM

FOLKS.....

MARK SLADE

HARDY

THIS MAN...ISN'T EVIL,

EXACTLY.

WELL. HE BROUGHT BAD THINGS ON

HE BRAUGHT IT ON HIS FAMILY.

TONY

(Curious.)

WHAT DID HE BRING ON HIS FAMILY?

(Pause.)

HARDY

OH....

A CURSE OF SORTS.

DOLLFACE

TONY

(Nervous laughter.)

THERE IS NO SUCH THING.

(Hardy stares at him.)

HARDY

OH YES THERE IS, SON.

THIS LAND..PROPERTY...

BELONGED TO A FAMILY FROM

HATI.

THIS...THIS...MAN...

FRIEND OF MINE...

WAS NEVER THE SAME.

HE PUT SOMETHING UP

ON THAT PROPRTY.

HE SHOULDN'T HAVE.

(Lost in thought.)

HE SHOULDN'T HAVE.

MARK SLADE

TONY

YOU'RE STORY HAS HOLES IN IT.

HARDY

WHAT?

TONY

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU TOLD ME

THIS STORY. I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND ANY OF YOUR BEHAVIOUR OR YOUR WIFE AND DAUGHTERS... I ASSUME YOU WANT TO

SCARE ME AWAY. IT'S AN ACT, HUH?

HARDY

I ASSURE THIS STORY IS TRUE.

TONY

I UNDERSTAND.

(Pause.)

DOLLFACE

TONY

I REALLY DO. JUST ADMIT IT'S AN ACT.

OKAY?

I'M FINE WITH IT.

I'VE USED SIMILAR TACTICS IN BUSINESS

DEALS. I'VE SEEN A LOT OF TACTICS OVER THE YEARS--

HARDY

THIS STORY IS TRUE.

TONY

YEAH.

OKAY. FINE. YOU DON'T WANT TO

GIVE UP YOUR COMPANY.

I'LL TELL MY BOSSES. JUST DON'T GO

THE WHOLE NINE YARDS. YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

I'LL GO NOW SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO

KEEP UP THE ACT.

MARK SLADE

HARDY

THAT POOR FAMILY

WENT THROUGH SO MUCH.

THEY WERE...MOVED OUT

OF THEIR RESIDENCE. THE MOTHER

DIED, ONE MONTH AFTERWARDS. THE FATHER WAS

RUN OVER BY A VEHICLE IN THE STREET.

THE CHILDREN WERE SPLIT UP....OLDER ONES

HAD TO FIND OTHER PLACES...DRUG INFESTED AREAS...

ONE THOUGH...ONE TOOK TO THE

STREETS..SHE WORKED, FOUND HER NICHE...

BUT VOWED VENGENCE. SHE WAS...

VERY APT IN CERTAIN....SUPERNATURAL ABILITIES.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

(Pause.)

DOLLFACE

TONY

YEAH.

(Rises from the couch, pointing to the door.)

I'M GONNA GO.

(Marnie and Delany enter carrying trays.)

MARNIE

YOU AREN'T LEAVING ARE YOU,

MR. ROBBINS?

(They set the trays on the coffee table.)

DELANY

I WAS STARTING TO TAKE

A SHINE TO YOU...EXPLICITLY. HOPEFULLY

GRAPGHIC---

TONY

OKAY.

I HAVE TO LEAVE.

NICE MEETING YOU ALL---

MARK SLADE

HARDY

SIT DOWN.

(Pause.)

TONY

I REALLY HAVE SOMEWHERE---

HARDY

SIT DOWN!

(Tony is shocked. He sits without thinking. Marnie and

Delany sit with him.)

I'M NOT DONE WITH MY STORY.

( Pause. flashing a smile.)

MY FRIEND....HIS FAMILY...WIFE,

TWO DAUGHTERS....HARDLY SAW ANYONE..

THE OCCASIONAL SALESMAN THAT CAME

TO THE DOOR...JEHOVA 'S WITNESS, MORMAN.

DOLLFACE

HARDY

THE CURSE CAUSED A PAINFUL THIRST

NEVER QUINCHED. THEY WERE BOUND TO

THE HOUSE FOREVER. NEVER SEEING THE OUTSIDE

WORLD.

(Pause.)

THE YOUNG HAITIAN WOMAN THAT USED THE CURSE,

GAVE HER LIFE TO CARRY OUT THAT VENGENCE.

(Pause.)

MARNIE

(Exuberant smile.)

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME QUACOMOLE,

MR. ROBBINS?

(She offers the bowl.

Tony recoils in disgust.)

MARK SLADE

TONY

NO, I DON'T BELIEVE I WILL.

THANK YOU.

(He turns, faces Delany, who is gently stroking his

arm.

Tony smiles uneasy at her.)

HARDY

MR. ROBBINS. THOSE PAPERS

IF YOU WILL.

TONY

WHAT?

HARDY

THE PAPERS!

(Pause.)

THE CONTRACTS. GIVE THEM TO ME.

DOLLFACE

TONY

(Takes them from a briefcase.)

YOU'RE GOING TO SIGHN?

JUST LIKE THAT?

(He hands them to Hardy.)

HARDY

(Snarling.)

JUST LIKE THAT.

(He scribbles a signature, hands them back.)

TONY

(Places papers in briefcase.)

THIS...HAS BEEN QUITE AN EVENING.

(Pause.

All three are smiling at him.

Tony coughs.)

MARK SLADE

DELANY

IT'S NOT EVENING ANYMORE.

(She giggles.)

IT'S PAST MIDNIGHT.

TONY

(Looking at his watch.)

WHAT HAS HAPPENED?

IT WAS JUST SEVEN-THIRTY...

MARNIE

TIME FLIES WHEN YOUR HAVING FUN,

MR. ROBBINS

TONY

(Rising.)

I HAVE TO LEAVE.

DOLLFACE

HARDY

NONSENSE.

YOU CAN'T GET A CAB THIS LATE.

TONY

WHY NOT?

HARDY

YOUR NOT IN THE CITY ANYMORE,

MR. ROBBINS.

(Pause.)

YOU CAN STAY THE NIGHT.

WE HAVE AN EXTRA ROOM.

TONY

(Nervous.)

NO. I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER..

MARK SLADE

MARNIE

NO BOTHER.

DELANY

NO BOTHER.

HARDY

NO BOTHER AT ALL.

(Pause.)

YOU LEAVE WITH THE PAPERS

SIGHNED IN THE MORNING. YOUR BOSSES

WILL BE VERY HAPPY WITH YOU.

TONY

(Giving in.)

YEAH.

IT IS AWFUL HOT IN

THAT CHEAP HOTEL ROOM.

DOLLFACE

MARNIE

GOOD.

IT'S SETTLED.

DELANY

I CAN'T BELIEVE MY LUCK..

HE'LL STAY IN MY ROOM WITH

ME.

HARDY

HE'LL STAY IN THE ATTIC.

(Lights fade to black.)

MARK SLADE

ACT THREE

The attic filled with junk. Most of it is old furniture covered in tarp and

on the stage to the left. There is an old canopy bed, covered in cobwebs.

A trunk with the lid open has clothing hanging off the side, is to the right of the stage

where darkness is backdrop. Tony is setting on the bed, clutching his briefcase to

him,bewildered. He is listening to inaudible voices belonging

to hardy and his family. It takes a few minutes for Tony to relax as the voices fade out.

TONY

(Placing briefcase on the floor.)

HOW DID I GET MYSELF INTO THIS.

(Looking at his cell phone.)

GOOD GRIEF...NO SIGNAL.

(Pause.)

ONE WEIRD NIGHT.

DOLLFACE

TONY

I HOPE OLD MAN WINFRIED

WILL BE GLAD I GOT HIS STINKING

CONTRACT SIGHNED.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I GET MYSELF

INTO THESE THINGS.

(Looking at cell phone again.)

YOU'D AT LEAST THINK THESE PEOPLE

WOULD HAVE MORE MODERN CONVIENCES.

THE RICH SURE CAN BE STRANGE.

I GUESS THEY CAN AFFORD IT.

(A noise is heard, like crumpling paper.

Tony turns to the right, a shadowy figure

stands.)

TONY

WHAT THE HELL!

(He rises quickly.

Pause.)

MARK SLADE

TONY

IS THAT YOU DELANY?

(Pause.)

AT LEAST YOU CAN ANSWER ME.

WHY SO MYSTERIOUS?

(Pause.)

LOOK..I'M NOT SURE I WANNA

DO ANYTHING....

(Shadowy figure steps into the light by the trunk.

A woman dressed in all white wearing a porcelain mask

with long curly hair.)

HEY NOW.

(Laughs)

A BIT DRAMATIC ISN'T IT? THE

GET UP?

OKAY...SILENT TREATMENT.

DOLLFACE

(Pause.)

TONY

YEAH...UM..I'M GONNA GO TO

BED, AND YOU CAN JUST

GO TO YOURS...

THIS IS REDICULOUS.

(Woman steps forward.)

GIRL

I'M NOT DELANY.

TONY

WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THIS?

WHO ARE YOU, THEN?

(Pause.

He smiles.)

OH.

I GET IT.

MARK SLADE

TONY

IT'S A GAME.

COME HERE.

SIT ON THE BED.

(The girl hesitates, slowly walks to the bed,

sits.)

IT'S OKAY.

I DON'T NEED TO KNOW

WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

(Pause. Tony touches the girl's

hair.)

YOU'VE BEEN COMING ON TO

ME ALL NIGHT.

(He moves his hand down her body slowly, stopping

at her leg, rubbing it.)

GIRL

THAT WASN'T ME.

DOLLFACE

TONY

IT'S OKAY.

I CAN PLAY THAT GAME TOO.

WHAT'S WITH THE MASK?

GIRL

I HAVE TO KEEP IT ON.

TONY

WELL I'D LIKE TO SEE

WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.

GIRL

NO.

I DON'T WANT YOU

TO SEE ME.

MARK SLADE

TONY

WHAT I'M LOOKING AT RIGHT

NOW, I LIKE.

I DON'T THINK I WILL BE

DISAPPOINTED.

(Pause.)

GIRL

ARE YOU SURE?

(Tony places a hand on the

girl's breast.)

TONY

OH YES.

I'M SURE, DOLLFACE.

DOLLFACE

(Girl slowly removes her mask.

Tony 's smile turns to fear. He screams, withdraws

from her.

A light illuminates the girl's face.

Her cheekbones are puffy, larger than the rest

of her face. Her eyes are narrow, skin nearly covering

them. Her lips are a blue-purple fixed on a permanent

smile with fangs protruding. Girl reaches out, grabs Tony

by his shirt. She pulls him to her.

From the dark stage the family appear, their faces just as the Girl's.

The girl sinks her fangs into Tony 's neck as he screams again.)

LIGHTS DIM. FADE TO BLACK.

.

Author's Note

A PLAY I WROTE SEEING IF I CAN INCORPORATE THE TRAPPINGS OF A HORROR STORY

Reviews

[Raven Starhawk]

I actually read this...I think a few minutes ago and couldn't comment because of my horrible laptop, but I love stage plays and really enjoyed reading this. It reminded me of my days in high school and...I had stage fright to a obscene level, but anyway play acting was always something that brought out something in me I didn't know was there. I was able to remember a entire speech without cue cards which was amazing since I am senile but anyway...I was able to generally get a reaction out of my audience...O_O I am babbling. Anyways I loved this.