Bird Cage

Some mysteries may be better off left unsolved

Angela pouted as she faced her parents. All she wanted was to open up her presents a day early. Why couldn't they just let her do it?

“We've already told you that you can't open presents before your birthday,” her mother told her.

“Now go to your room and finish cleaning, otherwise you won't get your presents tomorrow either,” her father continued sternly.

Angela stuck out her tongue as she spun away from her parent's gazes. She huffed as she stalked across the kitchen floor and around the corner to the living room. She was about to climb the stairs to her room when something caught her attention in the corner of her eye. Angela, her curiosity piqued, quickly turned around and practically flew across the room. Sitting in the far corner of the room was a covered bird cage, almost concealed by the shadows cast by the bad light of the failing lamp.

Angela almost squealed in excitement. She had been trying to convince her parents to buy her a pet for years, but they never listened. Now they had finally gotten her one. She turned around, carefully searching to make sure her parents in the other room wouldn't see her. Then she turned to the cage and grabbed the covering, trying hopelessly to hold down her excitement.

However, to her complete disappointment, no matter how hard she pulled, the covering stayed put. Biting her lip, she pulled even harder, nearly toppling the cage in the process. After securing the cage back into its place, Angela tried to calm her pounding heart as she waited for her parents to discover her. To her surprise, her parents never came. Though she was sure that the rattling cage had been loud, her parents sitting only a few feet around the corner didn't seem to hear. Not wanting to press her good fortune, Angela raced up the stairs and into the room. She went so fast she didn't hear the sounds of the creature within the cage awakening.

* * *

Angela huffed as she tossed her dirty clothes into her hamper. Finding the cage had been great, but her inability to see inside of it was eating through her thoughts. All she wanted was to go back down there and try to open it again, but she just knew that if she did that, she would be caught. 

She sighed as she kicked a toy across the room. She had been working on her room for two hours now, but she still hadn't finished. No matter how hard she tried not to, she kept finding herself suddenly realizing she had been staring off into space for several minutes. Angela understood that the excitement for her birthday was the cause, but it wouldn't get any closer just because she wished it. Not only that, but she would be given nothing until she had finished cleaning. With head once again in the game, she ignored all other thoughts as she forced herself to hurriedly finish.

* * *

Angela stretched out on the couch, stuffed from dinner. She had tried her best to be good all day, but it just didn't seem to be enough for her parents. She had even asked in her sweetest voice. Her parents just didn't understand. Angela huffed as she flipped her head back. Unintentionally, she found herself staring at the covered cage.

Tweet!

Angela jumped from the couch as she heard the sound. She looked around to make sure her parents weren't around. Seeing and hearing nothing, she stepped closer to the cage.

Tweet!

She felt her excitement growing as she finally reached the cage. Now that she knew what was in there, she really wanted to open it. Hands shaking, she grabbed the cloth carefully. She tried to steady her swiftly beating heart as she lifted the cover. The tip of it began to rise as she slowly raised the covering. However, just as she started lifting it more, it stuck. Angela nearly screamed in annoyance. Did her parents super glue this covering to the cage?

“Oh, I really want to open this cage right now! I really don't want to wait anymore,” Angela cried as she stomped angrily away from the cage and up the stairs. She couldn't stand being down there with the cage mocking her.

...open cage...don't want to wait anymore...

* * *

Angela stared at the ceiling in her room. It was late, but she was having trouble sleeping. The cage kept nagging her at the back of her mind. Every time she tried to put it out of her mind and sleep, another thought about it would come blasting in and set her mind back on edge. 

Angela turned over to look at her clock. 1:54. She sighed as she turned over again. She'd never fall asleep at the rate it was going. Then she'd be too tired in the morning to celebrate her birthday. The thought of sleeping through her birthday was enough for Angela to push all thoughts of the cage from her mind, allowing her to finally fall asleep...

Crash!

A loud booming sound awoke Angela. Rubbing sleep from her eyes, she turned to look at the clock. 3:07. She nearly screamed in frustration. She'd only gotten about one hour of sleep. Annoyed, she let herself fall back into bed and closed her eyes, sure the sound had been part of a dream.

Crash! Crunch!

A sound even louder than the first nearly brought Angela tumbling off the bed. Severally annoyed, she jumped from her bed and stomped across the room. Then she threw open her door and stalked downstairs, not even thinking about how the noise somehow hadn't woken up her parents one door down from her. 

When Angela reached the bottom of the stairs, she began to strain her eyes to see in the darkness where the noise could have originated from. Seeing nothing, she stumbled a few feet over for the light switch. She quickly flipped it on and the lights in the room came on. However, no more than a couple seconds passed before the lights flickered and shut off. The room was quickly thrown back into darkness, but not before her eyes met the bird cage.

Unable to hold in her curiosity any longer, Angela walked over to the cage. Though she was sure that the noise had come from this room, the couple seconds of light she had had were enough for her to see that there was nothing broken in the room. She decided that since she was down here anyways, she might as well try to get a peak inside the cage.

Preparing herself for not being able to lift the covering, she grabbed onto the edge and pulled hard. To her surprise, the covering came off easily. Excited at finally being able to pull it off, she looked inside the cage to see what had been hidden behind it. However, to her disappointment, the cage was empty. Angry at being tricked, Angela threw the covering to the ground and turned to go back to her room.

However, as she turned around, she felt the sensation of being watched. Heart beating rapidly, she turned slowly in a circle, surveying the room. She turned in nearly a whole circle before coming to a stop. Seeing nothing, she began to walk again, but saw a light in the corner of her eye. Turning quickly around, she found herself facing the cage again.

She searched the area around the cage, but there wasn't anything. She dismissed the thought about lights in the dark and she turned back around. However, when she turned around, her eyes met with a set of glowing ones right in from of her. Her body froze as the creature's eyes filled her with a chilling fear. It felt as if the world had stopped in that moment, nothing moved as the battle between their gazes continued. The temperature dropped sharply, sinking into her body. The icy cold air seeped into her lungs, making it hard for her breathe. It slipped its claws into her heart and began to slowly squeeze it, making it beat more and more rapidly. It was as if her entire body was slowly turning into ice.

Angela turned her eyes away to find somewhere to escape to, but in that moment, the world turned back into motion, the staring contest over. Growling started to rise from the creature, as it readied its muscles to move. Angela's instincts told her to get out of there, so without another thought, she turned her back on the creature and began to run through the room. The creature immediately jumped after her.

The room seemed to stretch way beyond its dimensions, pulling her farther and farther away from the other side. She was too afraid to look behind her as she could hear the soft pads of the creature's feet close behind as it chased her. She could almost imagine its malicious gaze watching her back, salivating between pointed teeth as it began to close in on its prey.

Finally, the end of the room was just a couple feet away. At the same time, Angela felt the evil presence behind her disappear. Sparing a short look behind her, she saw that the creature was no longer following. She breathed a small sigh of relief. She turned back and continued moving forward.

Just then, the creature suddenly jumped in front of her, cutting off her only escape route. Her heart nearly stopped from the fear of being trapped in a room where the creature blocked the only way out. Terrified, she stumbled back and tripped over the couch. The creature slowly walked towards her, its gleaming teeth curled up into a twisted smile. Angela scrambled backwards, no longer daring to look away from the creature, but it kept its leisurely walk as it slowly closed in on her. 

Angela stumbled as she clumsily tried to stand upright again, but her feet tangled up beneath her and she was sent crashing into the floor. The impact pushed the air from her lungs, leaving her hopelessly gasping for air as the creature closed in on her.

In one swift motion, the creature leaped off the floor and soared through the last couple feet between them. Finally able to breathe, Angela screamed as she threw her arms in front of her in desperation. Before she could finish screaming though, the creature landed on her, immobilizing her and forcing the breath from her lungs. She could feel the creature's hot breath on her face as its gleaming teeth drew near her face. At the same time, the creature flexed its sharp claws on her arms, digging in as a warm wetness spread from the punctures. Angela let loose a scream filled with pain and fear, reaching a pitch higher and louder than the first.

Suddenly, the lights in the room lit up and she was blinded for a moment. When she finally was able to see again, the creature was gone and in its place was her parents, watching her with worry in their eyes. 

“Are you alright?” her mother said. “We heard you scream.”

Angela stayed silent as she looked around the room. Everything was in place and there was no signs of the chase that had taken place. She wondered whether she had just been imagining things in the dark. Then her eyes reached the bird cage. The covering was once again over it.

“Ah, I see you found our little present. No use hiding it now,” her father said as he got up and walked to the cage. She watched as he easily lifted the covering to reveal the cage hidden beneath. Inside was a small green bird that hopped around excitedly. Angela chided herself for being so dramatic when there wasn't even anything wrong.

Even so, she remembered seeing nothing in the cage just a few minutes ago and she couldn't help but feel like what she saw was real. Angela squeezed her arms to comfort herself and felt something warm on her arm. Looking down, she saw puncture marks dotting her arms as blood slowly leaked out. She looked to her parents, but they were happily talking as they watched the little bird in the cage and didn't seem to notice anything wrong.

Tweet.

Angela looked up at the familiar sound. Inside the cage, the bird had stopped bouncing around and was watching her. She felt a chill run down her back as the bird continued to stare at her. Shivering from the sudden cold feeling she got, she continued to clutch her bleeding arms.

Tweet...

Open cage...

Reviews

[Dante Carlisle]

I love it! Definitely personifies the 'Be careful what you wish for' theme. I don't know how much critiquing you want, but I'll point out a few things that jumped out at me. The first is that you say that Angela 'huffed' a few too many times. You might try a different tack on that. Another is that you overused her name. If she's the only one around, you can use she, or try to avoid using her name entirely, your reader will know who you're talking about. That was something I had to get over as well.

Keep going with this, though. I enjoyed reading the story. Anything that leaves me wishing to hear more about it lets me know the writer did something right. Thanks for the read.

[buterfligirl]

Thanks for the review, I'll see about changing that overused word. I tend to do that a lot. I was just trying not to overuse she and her so much, but I guess that did lead her name to be used a lot.

I like endings that are a little open because they leave room for many different routes based on who's reading it. I'm glad I was able write something enjoyable.

[CLRose]

I thought this was a fair story. Although the suspense is present in some places, the pacing and reaction of characters in this work is a bit awkward. For example "Finally, the end of the room was just a couple of feet away." If I was in the dark, as most people would, my imagination would scramble and go wild with the possibilities of what could be in the cage and my first reaction would not to labor through the dark--I most likely would bolt back upstairs and lock the door. This is only one example, but I recommend going back and tightening the story in this regard. Other than that, the characters in the beginning, the mother and father, seem a little flat. You could easily inject more personality into them--they just seem like they are there because the story warrants it. The ending also perplexed me in a sense that her parents paid absolutely no mind to her bleeding arms. You mention they were distracted by the bird, but I would have her cover them with her sleeves or something just to make it more believable. Also, watch word choice and refine your prose. You tend to have a very simple writing style, which is actually not a bad thing at all. However, as some of the other reviews have stated, you might not want her stalking and huffing too much in this story. Repetition of certain words weakens the impact and efficiency they have upon your audience. Be careful of this.
Aside from these errors, I do think you have a solid grasp on what makes a decent horror/scary story. I appreciate the fact that it's not a blood, guts, and eyeball paste type of outing. It's a good concept--especially the mystery behind why the protagonist could not pull the covering off of the bird cage. The story follows the vein of a slow burn ordinary scenario that later evolves with doses of abnormality peppered in, but the rough way it's written leaves a lot of that effectiveness to fall short. I hope this review helps. Thanks for posting.

[buterfligirl]

Thank you for your review. Yes I can see what you mean. I understand I still have a lot to work on when it comes to writing stories and I also tend to not notice things such as repeated words as well as having trouble with giving more life to the characters. I will have to take into account your words next time I write a story or edit old ones.

[Rachel]

Awesome job! Creepy story. If you have a chance, please read and review my scary stories! Thanks.

[Daisygirl]

Ahhh, creepy! I really liked it though, especially the ending. You did a good job with the suspense.

[DoormanDan]

This story is brilliant. You are very good with descriptions, and the way you wrote the story managed to keep me interested and reading it all the way to the very end. I loved how at first it seemed like just a friendly story with a nice atmosphere, but then it gradually got darker and scarier. You've written something truly remarkable here! :)

[buterfligirl]

Thank you very much, it means a lot. I was trying to build up suspense, but I wasn't sure if it would work.