Loneliness is an Empty Gun.

I’m looking through

The label-maker

To find one that

Might fit me.

Do you have

Anything in

A 34-26-38,

A little here,

A little there,

Boys, girls,

A bit of both?

Great.

Of course not.

God hates me.

The thunder clap

As I write is

The loudest

I’ve heard,

He’s angry,

And I don’t care.

It’s only wrong

Because it feels right.

We’re raised

Thinking we’re not

Supposed to feel good,

Anything nice is suppressed,

Everything bad is impressed

Upon our heads, our hearts,

And I’m sick of it.

I’m sick to my stomach,

The pounds are dropping off,

I can’t bring myself to eat,

Your lips are the only thing

I’d like to taste,

Love is the only thing

That can fill me now,

And I still feel empty.

Loneliness creeps upon me

As the magic of my bedroom

Becomes the distorted

Dreams of last night

Spent alone,

Spent lonely,

Spent sleeping,

Only to dream,

And of who?

Faces I’ve never seen,

Darling, this siren can’t sing,

Not to save her own life,

Let alone yours.

 

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

All those years spent fighting labels and battling the impressions of other people... it's obviously taken its toll on you and that shows. I agree with all the other reviewers - the last lines are great. The beginning feels a little muddled to me, though - I'm having a hard time understanding how you get from the label maker to the siren-song (or lack thereof). Also, there was one line that I don't think is quite as necessary:

"Dreams of last night
Spent alone,
Spent lonely,
Spent sleeping,"

Personally I think you could stand to get rid of one or two of those lines, because "spent lonely" implies already that you're alone, and "last night" implies that you were sleeping, so I suggest getting rid of one or two of those lines to make it flow a little better.

Good job though - this is an intriguing piece.

[Tomás Ó C..]

We allow ourselves to be labelled too much, that is true. It is not good for the mind or body...

[C.T. Bailey]

Spent alone,

Spent lonely,

Spent sleeping,

"Only to dream,

And of who?

Faces I've never seen,

Darling, this siren can't sing,"

My young friend...you write beyond your years. In my poem "His Passing" which I have published on another site, I write "emptiness is the edge on loneliness knife"....this thought is captured completely in your writing. This is good stuff and your passion shows through. I like seeing that passion laced with the sting of lonliness. Edgy stuff...nice.
Todd

[Rainbowco]

Wow, loss for words, this is so finely written, the last 3 lines are amazing.