Almost suicide

The bullets are cold agasint my fingers,  I roll them carelessly between them, the gun laying neatly on the bed infront of me. My eyes clouded by watery oceans that have poured from my eyes for days. I sit down the energy i once had far away and i let my head fall back agasint the pillows. One shot is it all takes to end these tearful nights and chase away the demons in my mind. Slowly my heart pumps blood around my system , keeping it all circulating and keeping me as they call it alive. My left hand slips neatly around the gun, pulling it toward me and cocking it agasint my head. I feel my heart tremor and speed up, like it hears me click the saftey catch off, and fire it at the side of my head. Im still here of course its empty the bullets float endlessly around my fingers like my thoughts wonder past the ideas of my death. My hand tightens and load the gun with nothing and fire it over and over again, imagining my body growing cold and lifeless. I stand up the gun still to my head and walk toward the mirror my thin frame reflecting back at me like some starved orphan. I let the gun fall to the floor and reach for the hand in the mirror, my fingers locked with my reflections. I want to be beautiful, i want to be loved i want to be somethign that people care about. But its a dream. I cant stand the person looking back at me filled with such self hatrid thats is sickening to the very soul. This disgusting vomit inducing excuse for a person , this ugly horrid figure. I take my hand away suddenly as if connection with this foul being will taint me somehow, and take a step back. My foot falls on the gun, one shot , one clean bullet to charge thru my skull and id hit the floor like the sorry mess i am. But not today ill stick it out for now. i kick the gun under neath my bed and place the bullets back into my pocket. I wipe the tears from my eyes and walk toward the door. Placing a lie of happiness across my face and walk outisde into the sunshine where everyone expects some sorta medal from me. And i walk into the road just as a car speeds along, i never heard the horn , never heard the screams i just felt the collision. Guess ill never have to pull the trigger, the shattered remians of my frame seem lifeless enough without the silver bullets id saved.

Reviews

[Shifter_Poe]

Nice piece of flash fiction. Short and tight and it stands on it's own. I did something somewhat similar for a speech tournament in high school. It was a monologue and I took second place for it.

[Manda]

awww...this made me seriously cried... i had tears in my eyes. but this was so well written. well expressed =) very emotional right here. you are very good! i would say this is my favorite piece of yours yet =)