Loneliness

Loneliness

A Poem by Champagne
"

I tried to paint a visual picture of loneliness here

"

They come like enclosed circles

one inside the other

When linear relationships

have all fallen flat.

 

You can’t fit all your bulk

in a two dimensional world

   (You can’t paint the sky red -

   Always)

And you can’t pop all the bubbles 

shut

as they enclose your vivid weightlessness

and you float seamless

over the two dimensional world

 

You have seen the faces

Wondered your place

Pushed the button

    to close every door

While the circles painted dark spray

tight around you

Each day

Each moment

And each day.


© 2010 Champagne



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Reviews

loneliness is a maze that seems inescapable at times , the snares at the ready and popped bubbles of disillusionment . and the repeated circle , day after day .

Posted 6 Years Ago


I great write. I liked it very much.
~lovely

Posted 7 Years Ago


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I see what your idea was here..I actually like the repetition in this, it makes the idea of the flatness come alive..I especially like the last stanza it resonates the groundhog feeling...lovely

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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C.
Not bad. Liked the repetition of "each day" at the end. Very nice. "While the circles painted dark spray" was a good line, although I'm not sure if it needs "tight around you" to follow it. I thought it was more powerful before as a stand-alone. Also, not sure if you meant to do this, but you re-use the word "enclose" and "two-dimensional". I'm not generally a fan of repetition unless it seems intentional, which here I don't think it did. But I thought your idea of using lines and circles as motifs was very original.

Posted 7 Years Ago


trying to fit straight connected lines into a circle...one cannot force a square peg into a circle opening; we'll pop the bubble and never realize that life is made up of concentric circles...not straight lines! great write!!!

Posted 7 Years Ago


vivid imagery~ unique and highly creative metaphors~

Posted 7 Years Ago


"You can’t fit all your bulk
in a two dimensional world"....Some seem to be always trying...It's almost dismal..

Posted 7 Years Ago


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.
. amazing, just amazing ...


Posted 7 Years Ago



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377 Views
8 Reviews
Rating
Added on November 22, 2010
Last Updated on December 31, 2010
Tags: loneliness, melancholy, sad, vivid, post-modern

Author

Champagne
Champagne

NJ



About
I have always wanted to be a writer since I was a child. Being a passionate person, I am smitten with literature in general and poetry in particular. I have tried my hand at writing intermittently .. more..

Writing
The Night The Night

A Poem by Champagne



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