Where Have You Been?

Underneath, there's great sorrow

Where have you been?
The same place I went to?
Hiding in the shadows?
Deepen in the sorrow?

I'd once thought there's a spark,
 underneath my mask,
but there is nothing,
except the heart broken sound.

I'd once thought of love,
but that is decades before,
before bleeding and dying,
and left with a silent sob.

Maybe moments after,
the memories will be erased,
but after all people died,
then that is the end

written in: 29-4-11, 7:39 a.m.

Author's Note

I'm having a struggle with poems...

Reviews

[Melissa]

Death should be though of as a rebirth since the soul is always carried on. I enjoyed your poem very much, I could feel your expression while reading it and I liked the lines:
I'd once thought there's a spark,
underneath my mask,
but there is nothing,
except the heart broken sound

[Brett Forsythe]

Personally I do not think you struggle at all with poems. You are an amazing writer especially for being as young as you are. This is far deeper than I thought it would've been. Keep up the good work.

[Jūdan FyreHeart]

Nicely done with a good flow about it.

[Lost, n'MT]

For having struggles with poems, you certainly turned out one nice little piece of writing here. Such powerful emotions expressed in just a few words. We all can and/or will relate this one way or another in our lifetime. One grammatical suggestion I would make is, I believe you meant "erased" instead of "erase". Fantastic piece. Thank you for sharing and I'd highly recommend that you keep up writing poetry.

[~Lizzy♬]

beautifully written! :)

~Lizzard~

[Kat]

Its a really good poem!! :) i like it i can kinda relate to it but i never really had anyone die in my life but someone i know did try to kill themselves it kinda reminds me of them good poem by the way if id didnt say that already!!:) Keep up the good work!!:) and you are a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllyyyyy good writer!!!!!!!!!!:D

[Lourisa]

This is so touching and I can relate to it to such an extend that it brought me to tears. I do hope you're not really 12 for that is way too young to feel pain this intense.
Peace to you

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Painfully accepted and rendered perfectly, a great read, well done.

[quinfinn]

you don't appear to me to be struggling at all. your elements are pure, your feelings are real and raw and full of emotion. you have a couple of spelling errors but that is easily fixed. as far as i'm concerned (if i am any type of judge) you have a natural ability and should nurture it. you have the love...let it flow!

[KAREN]

Well written, and I can't see any signs that you're struggling! Excellent!!

[brenda]

just how i feel and the poem that i was looking for cause i felt thtt way last night i l;ove your writing!