A Letter?

There are a lot of things that I don’t know. I don’t know if I miss you or miss the thought of you. I don’t know if I just miss how good you were to me, even when I didn’t deserve it. I don’t know if I’m just lonely but I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately, especially right before I fall asleep. But there are a few things I do know. I miss your laugh. I miss the way you used to hold me. I felt at peace, safe. I tried to find that in other people and it wasn’t the same. I wasn’t afraid or ashamed to be myself when I was with you. The best nights of sleep I’ve ever gotten was when you were next to me. Maybe I’m just selfish. I took you for granted. I knew you were too good to me, and I felt like I was taking advantage of that. Now, I hate that the things you used to confide in me you now confide in others. I’m in the dark. We were each other’s. I miss tracing things on your skin and the face you make when you’re focused. I miss holding your hand. I know I’ve got time and shouldn’t be looking for something to fill whatever hole I have but I am. And I’m sorry. And I don’t know if this is the right thing to do or say or even let anyone read. But sometimes I think that I’m never going to find someone again who was as good to me as you were. I just couldn’t see that at the time. And now I’ve messed it up twice and it’s too late.