Dark clouds

Rage tears me like a 700 pound bear
Anger follows me like a dark storm cloud
Invading my every thought
Why me? Why does it feel like its always raining on me?

Author's Note

Any idea's on how I can add more to this or should I keep it the same

Reviews

[Bare trees]

I would try putting the third line first.

Rage tears at me like a 700 pound bear
Anger follows me likes a dark storm cloud
Invading my every thought
Why me? Why does it feel like its always raining on me?

We all get mad, but if you feel like you can't control yourself, you may need to get help before something really bad happens.

[deathwish]

Thank you very much. I agree it sounds better that way. I did get help. I have been in out of placement for anger

[Dave]

You display a high degree of frustration. Unfortunately it is not a rare occurrence. I especially empathize with the feeling that it's always raining on you.

[John the Baptist]

I don't think you should change it. Often, brief, evocative works make a point more clearly than much longer efforts. In this one, the 700 pound bear image is very effective, as is the dark storm cloud.

If this is an autobiographical work, I might suggest that like begets like in the realm of consciousness. The more you dwell on your misfortune, the more you feed it.

[deathwish]

Your probably right. I have to follow the serenity prayer more often