Eating Dog S**t

I was over the horrible Hong Kong Flu that had caused me to lose my wonderful first job in California, blueprinting light fixtures for television stage productions. I made a whopping $1.75 an hour and was fired for being sick.

 

I lived with my boyfriend, Electric, in Hollywood, after leaving a cozy middle-class home in Dallas, Texas.

 

 A few months before, Electric and I had met a lot of people because we hung out on the Sunset Strip trying to score mind altering drugs. One of the guys we met on the strip came over to our place one afternoon with a loaf of bread. We will just call him “the breadman". I think it was Wonder Bread that he brought with him as that seems to stick out in my mind.

 

  We didn't eat for forty-eight hours prior to his visit because I didn’t want to go out in the cold right after having the Hong Kong Flu. I was so ill, the bus driver kicked me out of the bus on the way  to work for not controlling my cough. Electric hadn’t panhandled for a long time and so we were quite broke and didn’t have money to buy any food. We didn't apply for food stamps because at that time, we didn’t know what that was. The money we had saved from my last job went to dog food. I was not going to let Largus Leroy Clooney go hungry.

 

  The breadman made it known right away that he didn’t like Electric. He liked me though, and that’s why he came over. He told Electric, "Since you don't have a job to take care of Janyce, and make her work to take care of you, you can't have any of the bread."
 
  The breadman told me, “ You can  have some bread but can’t  give any of it to your boyfriend. Captain John Smith wouldn’t let people eat that didn’t work in the colonies and the same thing applies here in Hollywood.”

 

 I chose not to take his offer because I had a feeling that I was eventually going to have to pay for that food somehow and I didn’t like the somehow I was thinking about.

 

  The breadman got mad and took out the loaf and opened it and started eating the bread in front of us, piece by piece. Electric got pissed off and told him, “ I don’t want your bread and I would rather eat dog s**t!”

 

  Now I freaked out. Electric and I had spent seven months together and he proved to be a different breed and would do some really far-out things. He marched into the kitchen and picked up the smallest dog t**d that he could find, measuring about two inches long, and paraded back into the living room where the breadman and I sat. He had it between his forefinger and thumb in the air to make sure its presence was known to our company.  He popped that t**d into his mouth and proceeded to eat on it in front of us. He walked close to the breadman’s face and opened up his mouth to show him it was being chewed.

 

   The smell that came out of Electric’s mouth was overwhelming! It gave that guy’s stomach a jolt that caused him to bolt into the bathroom and throw up that bread and other goodies he ate earlier. While he was busy, I took the remaining loaf and hid it while Electric spit out the dog s**t. When the breadman came out of the roach infested, smelly bathroom  we escorted him to the door and he left. He didn’t even ask about the left-over bread.

 

 Electric brushed his teeth and tongue and even the roof of his mouth before we tore open what remained in the bag and ate it down to the last crumb. We didn’t forget to feed the dog.

Reviews

[Lee]

Well, Janyce, the title pulled me in. I had a buddy who ate a large bloodworm on a dare, but this wins. Very well written and an excellent pace. The description is right on. I'm still smilin'...Lee

[sk8tagirl95]

good :)