Cloud without water

philosophy of nature

 

Along with the strong wind blows

Dark clouds paint the sky

A glorious moment as it goes

Grass bowed due to strong gusts

As if the earth swallowed up in the darkness

life figure hiding in the shelter

storm coming stronger than before

The natural moment like a symphony

when nature reveals the vanity

waiting for the rain to fall

as the shadow swallow them all

which devour all the existing light

like falling into the deepest night

 The wind slowly turns to fade 

in the sudden all it’s gone

such as inhaled in silence

left only a gentle breeze that move on

sun emits the light back again

cirrus redecorate the sky like a smooth shading

without giving a single rain falling

such as the hidden mysteries of nature

Like a cloud without water

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Sophy Freebirds]

But in the sudden- it doesn't go with the flow.Like you can change it to " but in a flash." And that is not grammatically correct too.Its just a suggestion though.you've given your philosophy of nature a different turn where dark clouds are swallowed by light and cirrus float,without raining.A very introspective piece.Keep writing amigo :)

~Sophy

[Edward Lancheister]

thank you Sophy for the review and correction suggestion :)

Edward

[Lady Glitter]

I can see what Sophy is saying. But, I do like the phrase, "...but in the sudden all it’s gone..." It's not perfect as it relates to American English, but the tone of it adds character to the verse for me. I don't know if it's broken English, or if you meant it to be that way, but I like the way that the phrase reads. While changing to "but in a flash" may be more grammatically correct, it's common and may not be enough of the emotion that you want to project. While there's a lot to be said for correct English and good grammar, we writer's use poetic license often in crafting poems, because it's necessary. Like in the last line of my poem "I Have Not Changed," "...a little bit more of me has broke loose, has come free." The phrase "has broke loose" is not grammatically correct. I used it and allowed it to stay because it adds to the tone and impact of the verse.

[Edward Lancheister]

thank you Sandi for explain the true mean of writing, sometimes it way out from the grammar correction but it is the way should be to be express. bless sister

[Sophy Freebirds]

I really like your words Edward.thanks for being flexible for my suggestion.. he is talking of clouds so i thought it would be more apt... rest of all sudden is more of a daily used word. Still its your emotions that matter :) so follow your heart

[Edward Lancheister]

everybody have an opinion according to their point of view. i really glad with all the reviews that given. it's all will improve my abiity to write. :) bless

[Sophy Freebirds]

So kind of you Edward ★takecare★ :)

[Einstein Noodle]

love the title and the concept .. lots can be said about it .. you have used dark and darkness several times .. wondering if saying it differently and getting rid of a couple of them would improve your poem ..
"life figure hiding in the shelter" i like that! the figure is an enigma .. might even be an animal .. i find the way you put it intriguing
E.

[Lady Glitter]

I like the line about the sun emitting the light back again. It's as if the sun absorbed the light into itself. Nice occasional rhyming.

[Edward Lancheister]

thank you for kind review and for stop by to read my poem. it mean a lot to me