Despondence in this Abyss

A Poem by Evita

You push, I crumble
You yell, I shatter, spill, splatter
Knowing its only getting worse
and I cannot change a thing
its the pain of impotence
my face is numb from the tears
swollen eyes cant see
the darkness lies heavy, mind and body
but there is a sickening addiction to this pain
no one with whom I can share
there are so many walls within
now that I can never do without
but somehow this wily critters
have burrowed so deep
that I cannot tell where they hide
and play guerrilla warfare on my wits
I cant extract them by reason
which so perfectly I've delineated
I repeat my mantra: I need only me!
but is that true?
Oh how, how I want it to be so
I can't rely on any of them
I know!