the totality of Eve

the totality of Eve

she hides the sun of her heart

behind dark shades

the damaged retinas beyond repair

as is her love

now eclipsed by years of abuse

shadows over her face

clouded bruises

a blue sky marred

the smile that used to shine

a foregone conclusion

a far gone ending

and when the fatal minutes pass

she will find her way home to

a permanent  firmament 

sink into the kinder canopy

than that firm fist that blistered her skin

with cumulus blows

like a sudden rainstorm

that destroyed a once perfect

day in paradise

before all the people came to watch

the event.

erin-cilberto

8/18/17

Reviews

[William Gardner]

I'm excited about the eclipse too... Sort of, the last two times history has recorded an eclipse of this magnitude it hasn't bode well for the human race. It's an interesting allegory between the celestial, the cerebral and the physical aka abuse. Nice work.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, William.....
actually i am not excited about it....can't wait till this weekend is over...Carbondale is going to be a zoo....this is the most direct line....for the perfect eclipse ....and we are expecting about 50,000 people to converge on us ....ugh....

[William Gardner]

Lol, that's interesting I didn't think about that. No one is coming to Jersey to watch the eclipse, in fact, No one has actually mentioned it to me at all. I've just been reading about it. Despite the bother, I do hope you get a moment to look up. Enjoy!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i will step outside for a moment and look up.....i'm sure.....

[William Gardner]

Just don't look to long sir! Those retinas are valuable.

[DaughterNature]

Ah, this is very clever! Loving the imagery and the way you were able to create double entendres. My favorite line is "a permanent firmament" - it sounds so nice.

I would mention that "retinas" is maybe a little too technical of a term for the feel of the rest of the piece?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words and suggestion, DaughterNature...
might be...but this is inspired by the Monday eclipse coming up...we are in direct line...and there is much worry about the eye wear...but i will consider what you said...thank you.
j.

[DaughterNature]

Oh no, I totally got that part. I just meant that "retina" is a very technical term, so it sticks out, rather than blending in like your other imagery does. Maybe there's another eye-related word that would blend in better?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

will consider....thanks....